Jenifer (Zarknorph)

The Midnight Castle Forum On Delphi

Hosted by Jenifer (Zarknorph)|All FAQs Answered Here!

A forum devoted to the FTP game Midnight Castle. All formats and platforms. Find Friends, learn tips and tricks, read strategy guides, ask for help or just kick back in Fletcher's Tea Room and dodge the odd explosion.

  • 3257
    MEMBERS
  • 148346
    MESSAGES
  • 5
    POSTS TODAY

Discussions

Post your jokes here   Fun and Games

Started 4/20/18 by PTG (anotherPTG); 292693 views.
katiek2

From: katiek2

Nov-17

From my English Bulldog forum:  Long, but adequately describes life with an English Bulldog.  If you don't laugh, you're either dead or not human...

Hoss, and the Ball on the Stick

Hoss was a clown…a really funny pure white clown with a brindle tail. Hoss was a BULLDOG. There’s nothing out of the ordinary about a clownish white Bulldog, except that Hoss was a bit different. At about 60 lbs and of particularly good breeding, he sported a massive head and chest, and a tiny little butt. His eyes were spread far apart and sat low on his head just above a thick double nose rope. The pocket beneath that rope was deep and he stored all kinds of funk in there. Cleaning it was a twice-a-day affair when he was with us. His paws were the largest I’ve ever seen and usually affected by interdigital cysts. Before we rescued him he nearly died twice. He was rushed to the Vet on both occasions; once for heat stroke and once because a rock was obstructing his airway. I’m not sure about the rock, whether he was bored or simply liked the taste of rocks. He recovered from those incidences well enough, however, I’m confident that his mental capacity was diminished as a result. Hoss was friendly. Hoss was gassy. Hoss was very loving. Hoss was not smart.

Donna, my wife at that time, worked at the vet clinic where Hoss was treated. She adored Hoss and looked forward to his office visits to address seasonal skin issues that were allowed to get out of hand and to bathe him. You see, Hoss was an outdoor dog of sorts. He lived in the garage year round and roamed the yard and neighborhood as he pleased. He rarely got bathed. His wide “double” nose rope needed constant attention, as did his skin, ears and eyes. Where he was living he got little of that. He was always in some state of decline or disrepair.

I was told by his previous owner, Mrs. J, that her son and the neighborhood kids played basketball in the adjacent driveway and tormented him with the ball. Consequently, he hated basketballs and could chase one down and pop it within seconds. He had a love hate relationship with all sorts of sporting goods…balls, pucks, hockey sticks, gloves, golf clubs, etc. and anything resembling a ball or a stick. He could chew the cover off of a golf ball in about 10 minutes. I still have the dime he got hold of one day and bent it nearly in half. I’ve pondered it many times and still cannot imagine what pleasure a Bulldog (or any animal with half a brain) could possibly get from chewing a coin. Maybe it’s because he had less than half. I do recall that I could yell out his name, “HOSS!!”, and count to 5…1,2,3,4,5…and his brain would catch up and he’d snap around, look at me… 1,2,3,4,5… he’d come running. He’d not stop until he hit me square in the shin(s). “OK, I’m here…What?”

As best I can remember, Donna called me at work on a Friday afternoon and asked if I were interested in adopting a Bulldog. That would mean a 2 Bulldog household. Hoss’ family had decided that after 5 years, they simply could not keep up with his medical needs and were looking to re-home him. They knew Donna loved him very much and that we already had Bulldog experience having a 2 yr old white female, Naggy. I was eager to adopt Hoss.

Saturday AM couldn’t come soon enough. Donna, my 14 yr old son, and I set out to go pick up our new Bully. Having never met Hoss, I didn’t quite know what to expect. When we arrived at his home we were met by Mrs. J. She handed us a lead and a bag of food and called Hoss out of the garage. He came right
...[Message truncated]
View Full Message
Randytb

From: Randytb

Nov-18

First  time posting so be nice lol

I steeped on a Cheerios this morning  ----- now I am a serial killer

Getting old should come with instructions -- Like this morning I had to by a new deodorant.... got home and read instructions --- it said remove top and push up bottom---

Well it hurts to walk but now when I F**t   I smell great

Thanks for a great laugh.  I could not see to read for the tears of laughter.

Di (amina046)

From: Di (amina046)

Nov-20

you both had me rolling on th floor!

CC to katiek2
LvlSlgr

From: LvlSlgr

Dec-1

I saw this on Facebook so I went looking for it on YouTube. Too funny.

Di (amina046)

From: Di (amina046)

Dec-1

OMG it would be better to watch this in the loo stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes

This is too much!!!!! Thank you

LvlSlgr

From: LvlSlgr

Dec-1

A lot of the clips are funny, but I thought the one with the ringbearer picking up the rose petals dropped by the flower girl and putting them back in her basket was just precious. Makes me wonder what he's like as an adult.

LvlSlgr

From: LvlSlgr

Dec-1

Di (amina046) said:

A stingy husband?

LOL ... I hadn't thought of it that way. I was thinking more of a clean-freak, but you're probably right. 

Di (amina046)

From: Di (amina046)

Dec-1

In my mind they go together LOL

TOP