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The Special Room - Origins PART 1   Oh the Absurdity!

Started 4/29/18 by Jenifer (Zarknorph); 34004 views.
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From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)

5/11/18

PAGE 11 CONTINUED

GRIM

In the workshop I give the password to the jeweler's assistant. In the back room is a door labeled "in case of elevators do not use fire." (You didn't think I would really say the password out loud where anyone could hear it - did you?) I've reached the compromised Cloud City tunnel. 

My phone buzzes with a text message. Cash the ferret wants to know the turn rotation if three people are playing double solitaire. I shove the phone away. 

I traverse the tunnel, looking for any tears in the local universum, or signs of actual physical construction of lairs (secret, evil or otherwise). Nothing, just a tunnel with nice stonework, lit by the occasional light bulb. Except by now I should have reached the intersection for the passage to the Dream Palace, and it isn't here. 

I pull out the phone to access its location finder. Wait, what was Cash doing in the Griffin Stall? For that matter, where am I? The coordinates don't match up to any MC location I recognize - totally off the grid. Immediately I backtrack to the jeweler's workshop, and that entrance is missing as well. Just smooth stonework, as far as I can see. Which isn't very far as the tunnel now ends abruptly. 

I'm lost in an uncharted tunnel, and I may not even be in the MC world anymore.

PTG

Well there is no way that I can catch up with Jenny Wren, when she is on a mission.  
And the fact that she also seems to be screaming (literally) mad doesn’t help either. 

Having a partner is a difficult thing but when I contemplate the meaning of the word “partner” she falls into none of the categories that I am aware of : 
Raving lunatics, bedaubed in flotsam and jetsam from the HOS scrap heap and wailing in tongues that my delicate ears have never come across before, are NOT partners.  

I sit on a nearby seat that has just floated into view (goodness me my telekinetic powers sometimes leave moi
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From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)

5/11/18

PAGE 11 CONTINUED

JENIFER

PogoRandy and I sit together in the ancient park with ice cream dripping down our lumpy heads. 

"Where's PTG?" I look around. "Didn't he come back?" 

Captain PogoRandy seems to be in some sort of trance. "Sir, yessir... don't upset the baby..." He seems to be suffering from multiple personality disorder. That's all we need! We'll never get the story. However his military persona is far more comprehensible. 

I crawl to the nearest snow globe, pick it up and shake it. "PTG? Bing?" It clears and I see the castle grounds. The denizens are stroppy. "I'm boooorred! When's the next update?" I grab another. "PTG! BING!" 

There is only darkness, but I hear a soft feminine voice. "Hello?" 

"Hello, who is that?" 

"My name is Grim- uh, not important" 

"NOT IMPORTANT?! Do you have any idea how many things rhyme with Grim?" I grab the closest lyre (I have a large collection in my sanctuary) 

Oh dear Grim, 
Things look very dim 
Singing is my whim, 
I also like to swim 

"Oh craponacracker idjit woman! Why der icie cream down moi's deli-cut face?" 

I turn to him "ATTENTION!" 
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From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)

5/11/18

PAGE 12

JENIFER

'OH FOR FUC-" 

PTG wrangles me once more. I struggle and bite. My serious pony tail has become askew. 

I wrench free. "NO! Do you have ANY idea how many blood lotuses are required at my level?" 

"PREACH!" PTG snaps his fingers. I'm glad he's back. 

"I ACTUALLY put them on my wish list! I got THREE! LOVE my friends, but blew threw them in TWO days! You seriously want BLOOD LOTUSES?" 

In the distance we hear screaming from a locked pantry. 

We look to a still entranced Captain PogoRandy. "Well hellooo Penny! Where's Shadow?" 

I groan. "FINE! I'll do the rounds!" 

"Will you be okay alone?" PTG chews his broom. I touch his shoulder gently. "I'd never forget my PARTNER". 

He smiles. I strap on several more bells, bows and feathers and leap off into the night. 

I am accompanied by Cash - the ferret who taught me how to love. I feel serene in my quest. 

But I punch George Lucas in the face. "That's for Jar Jar!" 

GRIM

I watch the - discussion? - between PTG and Jenifer with bemusement. It's much easier to watch this on a monitor than in person. Just as confusing, though. 

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From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)

5/11/18

PAGE 12 CONTINUED

GRIM

I say to PTG, "You want to know why we need to hear Randy's history? Because it's different from the official Castle history. I'll listen to your history of the Castle, too, if you like, if you have one." PTG pretends to look away, omming. 

"I think the Castle is breaking. It keeps trying to repair itself, but that makes it worse. Individually, we can't see it. Once the Winter Garden changes to the Summer Garden you never go back to it, you think it’s gone. But for someone new to the Castle, the only scene they visit is the Winter Garden. Both Gardens exist in the same place at the same time, but most people can only visit one." 

Jenifer pounces on that. "MOST people?" Cash pops his head out of the tangle of her hair. 

Randy explodes in incoherence I don't know how to transcribe. I hope it wasn't the conclusion to his story. 

Jenifer snaps, "AttenSHUN!" and he stops. "I think he suffering from multiple personality disorder," she says. 

I say, "So… when you don't use a quest to travel to the Binding Egg, what's the best way to get to the Castle from the Town? I usually walk." 

Jenifer's jaw drops as she realizes that she unnecessarily went on rounds for a blood lotus. "But you get to keep the blood lotus!" I tell her. 

"No, you don't," says Randy to me, very clearly. We all stare at him in surprise. "You don't walk. You open up that hole in the air, that aperture thing, and you're going to do it right now, for us." 

I'm suddenly very nervous. "And where do you want to go?" 

"To the Special Room."

JENIFER

"No! NO MORE DOCTORS!" I run to sit on PTG's magical floating bench. "Take us to Portofino!" Nothing happens. "Aw this is broken!" 

PTG 'Ohms' beside me while his hands maliciously tear up an official looking letter. 
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From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)

5/11/18

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RANDY

   ZZZZ Visions of sugar plums dancing in me head ,tra la la la , WHAT were am I ??? why kin I no move?? ohcraponacracker I have done gone and did it lost me flipping mind TOTALLY, I thought I saw a Wabbit dat rascal of a Wabbit,,  wait dis was a bigun I mean a huge un, NO NO NO Daddy Wabbit flew out of me grey matter and left Mamma Wabbit?? and all da dust bunnies wiff no Daddy    say is no so. 
Crack cracklel pop WTH ??? screens? dodads? controls? floating benches? gizmos? okay okay breath Cap ya be fine,,, lay still play dead like good old Pete, and Hooded Death at da card table,, I crack one eye open and peek around,,, oh okay I am right in front of The Wheel of Fortune, but wa happin to it ? it all cracked and empty?? NOOOO how we goin get goodies now diamonds , eggs, free spins?? I hear a very deep baritone voice from behind me as I grab my Sai ** instinck* voice says I need no assitance at the moment please come back later,,, Keeper ??? dat you?? calm Cap calm then I hear a loud screeeeeeeeeach and look at the Pit, da fire birdie is flapping her wings trying to fly away from da fire?? go birdie go dat way der be lots ice der to cool ya down in The Winter Garden,,, peeks around and sees Jenifer snoring so loud she goin burst da walls, 
where is PTG??? I betcha in da Doll House sweeping up or in the Fabric Counter sweeping up needles , pins, threads, sparkels so no one will get stuck and blood ,, OMG no Blood all over da Lotus dat will bring da Vampeers to us I shake da heck outof Jen wait up you smidjit we gota get out of here ,,, JENNNNNNNNNN WAKE UPPPPPPPPPP you loonie Tunes,,,,,,,,

PTG

I have almost succeeded in shutting out all extraneous thoughts and accompanying noise from my companions when that little bossy-boots Jenny Wren demands of my very comfortable chariot bench to be taken foreign parts. At least that is what I think she is saying since I have also borrowed those noise cancelling ear muffs from a passing sweet little avatar.  

I swear it gives a little snigger and would be shaking its head if it had one. The result is total inertia on its part and I give a tiny smile of satisfaction and little pat on its woodwork. 
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From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)

5/14/18

PAGE 13

PTG

I sit on a little mound in the middle of nowhere that I recognize, and contemplate where I am in the Great Scheme of things.  

I subscribe to the philosophy that all creatures have a place in that Scheme.  

Since I persuaded the Scheme to provide me with a comfortable seat – a bench- when my body was tired, then it will provide me with food and drink cos’ I’m now starving.  

There is a sudden brilliant flash of light   , when my musing is apparently heard by Someone on High and I now find myself sitting on another bench.  

This time it is crowded with fishing gear.  

Some large white doves are looking at me rather suspiciously as if they already know the state of my stomach. But I like my pigeons casseroled or barbecued not raw.  

I espy a large straw bottle that someone has carelessly tossed into fishing net and shake it to see if it is full or not. 
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5/14/18

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PTG

If a rabbit can frown, then Grim is frowning.  

Alas, alack …..! I fear the worst. My two friends are doomed [what a lovely word!]…. DOOMED!  

Even more so when she hands me a snow globe  

I am hanging on her every word about our perilous state when she speaks: 
“Can you please order me Chinese food with this communication device. I think I have it fully charged”   

Open mouthed and almost speechless I croak: 
“Do you want Cantonese or Mandarin; Sichuan or Dongbei?”  

Unfortunately it seems that we are in a Western culinary desert and the only options on the menu today are dishes 20 (chicken chop suey), or 35 (pork chow mien).  

I make the deci
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From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)

5/14/18

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JENIFER

I search my corset for a Robin. It takes a while. 

I find one and shake it. "PTG? GRIM? Bing?" 

Slowly an image appears. It has a green face. 

"PTG!!" I cry with joy. "Sorry, to interrupt your skin regime! Where are you? What is happening?!" 

PTG breathes deep and contemplates his navel... "I... am having... an... epiphany!" 

"Yeah, that's great - but we need a PLAN!" 

Grim barges into frame. "Hey, do you know where I can get good Chinese food?" 

I hurl the Robin globe at the Drunken Skeleton, grab my equally drunken compatriot and haul him out the door. 

"Last chance Captain PogoRandy! You finish the story - or I drown you in the moat" 

I know I am not alone in my demands. I hear the cries of seven thousand forum regulars crying for blood. I throw George Lucas at them. They tear him apart and are sated... for now... but it will not last long. 

"Finish the story or DIE!" I hold his head at the surface of the moat. 

"But!' He splutters as the first gulps of moat water enter his lungs. "We're supposed to be BEFORE we all went nuttsies!" 

I laugh the maniacal laugh only reserved for mad scientists hellbent on taking over the world. 
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From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)

5/14/18

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JENIFER

"Where are all these cauldrons coming from?!!" PTG cries while covering his head with the backpack. 

Grim the Bunny lets out an exasperated groan and reapplies her snorkel. She dives in after me and a few minutes later I, too, am a crustacean covered spitting fountain - with bells on. 

I sit up. "Now I remember! Arabella is pregnant with the Knight's baby." I look to Grim. "Sorry, I'm 41 now." 

"You don't look it!" 

"Salty, you're killing me here!" 

"NO! I IS!" Captain PogoRandy lunges at me again. I duck to the side and sweep my legs underneath his, sending him sprawling along the grass on his belly. I jump onto his back and pin his arms behind him. 

"RANDY!" It's like bull riding, but with a worse smell. "Calm down!" 

"YA TRIED TA KILL ME WOMAN!" 

"Yeah, probably - I've tried to kill a bunch of people, don't take it personally!" 

"Can take it personally?" PTG is miffed. I can tell he wants to fold his arms to accentuate that fact, but there are flying cauldrons about. 

"Look, I'm sorry I tried to kill a bunch of people. To be honest I can't promise it won't happen again." I climb off Randy and stand up. 

Randy slowly gets to his feet. He is seething, but still. 
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From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)

5/14/18

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JENIFER

"Ow… ow… owie, owie, owie, ow…" I've been here before. I slowly sit up and survey the scene. 

Captain PogoRandy is giggling at an electric eel, PTG is attempting to give Grim the Bunny the Heimlich Manoeuvre while pouring a Chai latte into a snorkel (that's homeopathy for you) and terrified newbies run screaming for their lives. 

The pizza is missing. 

I dry myself off with a handy towel while Randy and Grim get into a grooming war. I feel Randy's new punk spiky hairdo makes him the winner. 

"Okay, so none of that worked." I frown, fashioning the towel into a scarf adorned with barnacles. 

I am met with glares from my team mates. 

"Oh why is it always MY fault?!" 

Grim sighs and gathers all her cables, but Randy won't let go of the eel. 

"We need to get back to the present." She declares. "Follow me!" 

I clap my hands "Follow the White Rabbit!" and proceed to skip along behind her. PTG diligently sweeps while softly crying. "WAIT!" 

"Oh dear God." Grim's head falls into her hands. 

"No! I can help!" I beam "I have an idea!" I grab PTG and run towards the Castle. Grim Jumps on Randy and they PO-GO along behind us. 

We arrive at the office of the castle CEO. I push PT
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