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JENIFER

'OH FOR FUC-" 

PTG wrangles me once more. I struggle and bite. My serious pony tail has become askew. 

I wrench free. "NO! Do you have ANY idea how many blood lotuses are required at my level?" 

"PREACH!" PTG snaps his fingers. I'm glad he's back. 

"I ACTUALLY put them on my wish list! I got THREE! LOVE my friends, but blew threw them in TWO days! You seriously want BLOOD LOTUSES?" 

In the distance we hear screaming from a locked pantry. 

We look to a still entranced Captain PogoRandy. "Well hellooo Penny! Where's Shadow?" 

I groan. "FINE! I'll do the rounds!" 

"Will you be okay alone?" PTG chews his broom. I touch his shoulder gently. "I'd never forget my PARTNER". 

He smiles. I strap on several more bells, bows and feathers and leap off into the night. 

I am accompanied by Cash - the ferret who taught me how to love. I feel serene in my quest. 

But I punch George Lucas in the face. "That's for Jar Jar!" 

GRIM

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GRIM

I say to PTG, "You want to know why we need to hear Randy's history? Because it's different from the official Castle history. I'll listen to your history of the Castle, too, if you like, if you have one." PTG pretends to look away, omming. 

"I think the Castle is breaking. It keeps trying to repair itself, but that makes it worse. Individually, we can't see it. Once the Winter Garden changes to the Summer Garden you never go back to it, you think it’s gone. But for someone new to the Castle, the only scene they visit is the Winter Garden. Both Gardens exist in the same place at the same time, but most people can only visit one." 

Jenifer pounces on that. "MOST people?" Cash pops his head out of the tangle of her hair. 

Randy explodes in incoherence I don't know how to transcribe. I hope it wasn't the conclusion to his story. 

Jenifer snaps, "AttenSHUN!" and he stops. "I think he suffering from multiple personality disorder," she says. 

I say, "So… when you don't use a quest to travel to the Binding Egg, what's the best way to get to the Castle from the Town? I usually walk." 

Jenifer's jaw drops as she realizes that she unnecessarily went on rounds for a blood lotus. "But you get to keep the blood lotus!" I tell her. 

"No, you don't," says Randy to me, very clearly. We all stare at him in surprise. "You don't walk. You open up that hole in the air, that aperture thing, and you're going to do it right now, for us." 

I'm suddenly very nervous. "And where do you want to go?" 

"To the Special Room."

JENIFER

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RANDY

   ZZZZ Visions of sugar plums dancing in me head ,tra la la la , WHAT were am I ??? why kin I no move?? ohcraponacracker I have done gone and did it lost me flipping mind TOTALLY, I thought I saw a Wabbit dat rascal of a Wabbit,,  wait dis was a bigun I mean a huge un, NO NO NO Daddy Wabbit flew out of me grey matter and left Mamma Wabbit?? and all da dust bunnies wiff no Daddy    say is no so. 
Crack cracklel pop WTH ??? screens? dodads? controls? floating benches? gizmos? okay okay breath Cap ya be fine,,, lay still play dead like good old Pete, and Hooded Death at da card table,, I crack one eye open and peek around,,, oh okay I am right in front of The Wheel of Fortune, but wa happin to it ? it all cracked and empty?? NOOOO how we goin get goodies now diamonds , eggs, free spins?? I hear a very deep baritone voice from behind me as I grab my Sai ** instinck* voice says I need no assitance at the moment please come back later,,, Keeper ??? dat you?? calm Cap calm then I hear a loud screeeeeeeeeach and look at the Pit, da fire birdie is flapping her wings trying to fly away from da fire?? go birdie go dat way der be lots ice der to cool ya down in The Winter Garden,,, peeks around and sees Jenifer snoring so loud she goin burst da walls, 
where is PTG??? I betcha in da Doll House sweeping up or in the Fabric Counter sweeping up needles , pins, threads, sparkels so no one will get stuck and blood ,, OMG no Blood all over da Lotus dat will bring da Vampeers to us I shake da heck outof Jen wait up you smidjit we gota get out of here ,,, JENNNNNNNNNN WAKE UPPPPPPPPPP you loonie Tunes,,,,,,,,

PTG

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PTG

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JENIFER

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JENIFER

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RANDY

Ellie is kissing my cheeks trying to make da Boo Boo better but all she is doing is    and makin me spike punck rocker spiker and longer?? naw not possable then where da hair comin from ?? all a sudden me arms stick up and out ???? me legs feel heavy I look under da Pits and down me legs SPIKESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS under me arms and all over me legs OMG Ellie turning me in a woorchuck no a hampster NO a porcuepin NO 
Hedghog OMGGGGGGGGGGGG oh but wait I be a walkin Maz Maas Mazzzz ohcraponacracker dat spike wapon thin in da Armoury room,, I almost give meself a Gibbs womp but stop in time before I kill myself.... Oh I have to sit and thunck um um um not a good idea ,, better lay down yeah right you idjit on what?? on a bed maybe ,, yeah right I say to meself what bed, where, what? oh dis is just great newly promo PTG that thuncks I will take orders from WHAT???? oh H*** no I is Canadian a spiked one at dat  we help da Brits but take orders NEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR give me liberty or give me death WOHAHAHAHAHAHA, and I be da Cap around here got it?? I look at da lower level crowd, me heart  oh you poor inocents you ahve no idea what is in store fer ye all,  Oh OH OH I could send them on a Quest fer a bed,, yeah and lets see oh oh reward would be 1000000000000000 of and maga diamonds oh okay throw in bunch of stamps,, Okay ready <<<>>>> first one to find me a bed is da winner and swooshhhhhhhhhhhh of to level 74,, oh and do not bother looking in da Dark Tower in da Guest Room , that is a joke guest room my patookie,der be a overstuffed chair(not good fer sleeping) a firepace NOPE kin no sleep der, oh yeah and a staircase that leads to da Book Of Knowledge so ya climb da stairs grab da book back down da stairs read a bit and go to sleep?? ON WHAT ready set CHARGEEEEEEEEEE find me a bed and be a winner 
Gives PTG a smuge look and thuncks now dat is how ya give orders 

JENIFER

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RANDY

All dis loonie tunieys goin on here I plum forgots she is an Eel and kin no be out of water fer so long     SHES ALIVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE and my mind is crsytal clear as a bell , I lay Eelie back in the water because she needs to breath but I can not let go Jen you can stop looking at me like you want to hang bells ,balls, Santa Hats, 
snow balls, snow globes, in my hair grab a Blood Loutus slap it on my nose , rope in my mouth, and think you be Mrs. Claus in your smelly new sea food platter get up and ride out of here , now snap to it and get that bottel I need a new home for Eellie till we get back to camp, yes I can get us back just DO NOT EAT OR DRINK A THING till we are safe in the tunnels, I also need some rope , some of that lace, a cork, and the cork screw,and the string from that bow oh and I need a pouch, I sit in the smelly water with poor Ellie telling her hang on they should be back in a jiffy with what I need for your temp home till I can get you back to The Overgrown Pound and back with your friends, I am sure the mermaid, the monkey , the butterfkies, even the caterpillar and lizard miss you as much as you miss them and the water is clean,, memory flooding back and it hits me hard, this is exactly like the other dimintion Murk captured me and threw me in, so there are more than one and that evil doer is up to his old tricks trying to get his powers back and rule MC Land well he will have to go through me and the troops,, I hear runing feet oh good , hold on Ellie there are close.....

GRIM