Jenifer (Zarknorph)

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The Special Room - Origins PART 1   Oh the Absurdity!

Started 4/29/18 by Jenifer (Zarknorph); 26436 views.
In reply toRe: msg 27
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From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)

5/14/18

PAGE 13 CONTINUED

JENIFER

I search my corset for a Robin. It takes a while. 

I find one and shake it. "PTG? GRIM? Bing?" 

Slowly an image appears. It has a green face. 

"PTG!!" I cry with joy. "Sorry, to interrupt your skin regime! Where are you? What is happening?!" 

PTG breathes deep and contemplates his navel... "I... am having... an... epiphany!" 

"Yeah, that's great - but we need a PLAN!" 

Grim barges into frame. "Hey, do you know where I can get good Chinese food?" 

I hurl the Robin globe at the Drunken Skeleton, grab my equally drunken compatriot and haul him out the door. 

"Last chance Captain PogoRandy! You finish the story - or I drown you in the moat" 

I know I am not alone in my demands. I hear the cries of seven thousand forum regulars crying for blood. I throw George Lucas at them. They tear him apart and are sated... for now... but it will not last long. 

"Finish the story or DIE!" I hold his head at the surface of the moat. 

"But!' He splutters as the first gulps of moat water enter his lungs. "We're supposed to be BEFORE we all went nuttsies!" 

I laugh the maniacal laugh only reserved for mad scientists hellbent on taking over the world. 
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From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)

5/14/18

PAGE 14 CONTINUED

JENIFER

"Where are all these cauldrons coming from?!!" PTG cries while covering his head with the backpack. 

Grim the Bunny lets out an exasperated groan and reapplies her snorkel. She dives in after me and a few minutes later I, too, am a crustacean covered spitting fountain - with bells on. 

I sit up. "Now I remember! Arabella is pregnant with the Knight's baby." I look to Grim. "Sorry, I'm 41 now." 

"You don't look it!" 

"Salty, you're killing me here!" 

"NO! I IS!" Captain PogoRandy lunges at me again. I duck to the side and sweep my legs underneath his, sending him sprawling along the grass on his belly. I jump onto his back and pin his arms behind him. 

"RANDY!" It's like bull riding, but with a worse smell. "Calm down!" 

"YA TRIED TA KILL ME WOMAN!" 

"Yeah, probably - I've tried to kill a bunch of people, don't take it personally!" 

"Can take it personally?" PTG is miffed. I can tell he wants to fold his arms to accentuate that fact, but there are flying cauldrons about. 

"Look, I'm sorry I tried to kill a bunch of people. To be honest I can't promise it won't happen again." I climb off Randy and stand up. 

Randy slowly gets to his feet. He is seething, but still. 
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From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)

5/14/18

PAGE 14 CONTINUED

JENIFER

"Ow… ow… owie, owie, owie, ow…" I've been here before. I slowly sit up and survey the scene. 

Captain PogoRandy is giggling at an electric eel, PTG is attempting to give Grim the Bunny the Heimlich Manoeuvre while pouring a Chai latte into a snorkel (that's homeopathy for you) and terrified newbies run screaming for their lives. 

The pizza is missing. 

I dry myself off with a handy towel while Randy and Grim get into a grooming war. I feel Randy's new punk spiky hairdo makes him the winner. 

"Okay, so none of that worked." I frown, fashioning the towel into a scarf adorned with barnacles. 

I am met with glares from my team mates. 

"Oh why is it always MY fault?!" 

Grim sighs and gathers all her cables, but Randy won't let go of the eel. 

"We need to get back to the present." She declares. "Follow me!" 

I clap my hands "Follow the White Rabbit!" and proceed to skip along behind her. PTG diligently sweeps while softly crying. "WAIT!" 

"Oh dear God." Grim's head falls into her hands. 

"No! I can help!" I beam "I have an idea!" I grab PTG and run towards the Castle. Grim Jumps on Randy and they PO-GO along behind us. 

We arrive at the office of the castle CEO. I push PT
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From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)

5/19/18

PAGE 15

RANDY

Ellie is kissing my cheeks trying to make da Boo Boo better but all she is doing is    and makin me spike punck rocker spiker and longer?? naw not possable then where da hair comin from ?? all a sudden me arms stick up and out ???? me legs feel heavy I look under da Pits and down me legs SPIKESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS under me arms and all over me legs OMG Ellie turning me in a woorchuck no a hampster NO a porcuepin NO 
Hedghog OMGGGGGGGGGGGG oh but wait I be a walkin Maz Maas Mazzzz ohcraponacracker dat spike wapon thin in da Armoury room,, I almost give meself a Gibbs womp but stop in time before I kill myself.... Oh I have to sit and thunck um um um not a good idea ,, better lay down yeah right you idjit on what?? on a bed maybe ,, yeah right I say to meself what bed, where, what? oh dis is just great newly promo PTG that thuncks I will take orders from WHAT???? oh H*** no I is Canadian a spiked one at dat  we help da Brits but take orders NEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR give me liberty or give me death WOHAHAHAHAHAHA, and I be da Cap around here got it?? I look at da lower level crowd, me heart  oh you poor inocents you ahve no idea what is in store fer ye all,  Oh OH OH I could send them on a Quest fer a bed,, yeah and lets see oh oh reward would be 1000000000000000 of and maga diamonds oh okay throw in bunch of stamps,, Okay ready <<<>>>> first one to find me a bed is da winner and swooshhhhhhhhhhhh of to level 74,, oh and do not bother looking in da Dark Tower in da Guest Room , that is a joke guest room my patookie,der be a overstuffed chair(not good fer sleeping) a firepace NOPE kin no sleep der, oh yeah and a staircase that leads to da Book Of Knowledge so ya climb da stairs grab da book back down da stairs read a bit and go to sleep?? ON WHAT ready set CHARGEEEEEEEEEE find me a bed and be a winner 
Gives PTG a smuge look and thuncks now dat is how ya give orders 

JENIFER

I grab PTG's to-do list out of his chest pocket. "Boundaries!!" 

"Okay, we officially need to scratch 'get the rest of the story from Captain Randy' off the list." I strike it through with a mulitcoloured pen I reserve for my friends list. I choose purple for the occasion. "We'll use him for transport and set him loose on our enemies." 

We all look to Randy running around in circles in the belief he is a hedgehog. 

"Yep." PTG and Grim agree. 

"Grim - we need to fix this mess, get your systems up and running, find out who did this, are they the same person who's been drugging our food?" 

"What about the rest of the story?" PTG frowns. 
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From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)

5/19/18

PAGE 15 CONTINUED

RANDY

All dis loonie tunieys goin on here I plum forgots she is an Eel and kin no be out of water fer so long     SHES ALIVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE and my mind is crsytal clear as a bell , I lay Eelie back in the water because she needs to breath but I can not let go Jen you can stop looking at me like you want to hang bells ,balls, Santa Hats, 
snow balls, snow globes, in my hair grab a Blood Loutus slap it on my nose , rope in my mouth, and think you be Mrs. Claus in your smelly new sea food platter get up and ride out of here , now snap to it and get that bottel I need a new home for Eellie till we get back to camp, yes I can get us back just DO NOT EAT OR DRINK A THING till we are safe in the tunnels, I also need some rope , some of that lace, a cork, and the cork screw,and the string from that bow oh and I need a pouch, I sit in the smelly water with poor Ellie telling her hang on they should be back in a jiffy with what I need for your temp home till I can get you back to The Overgrown Pound and back with your friends, I am sure the mermaid, the monkey , the butterfkies, even the caterpillar and lizard miss you as much as you miss them and the water is clean,, memory flooding back and it hits me hard, this is exactly like the other dimintion Murk captured me and threw me in, so there are more than one and that evil doer is up to his old tricks trying to get his powers back and rule MC Land well he will have to go through me and the troops,, I hear runing feet oh good , hold on Ellie there are close.....

GRIM

I cheer up a bit at the thought of five - count 'em, five - keyboards hooked up all at once, and twice that many monitors. (Spares in the closet don't count!) All right, current inventory: I have one phone and a laptop. The backpack has a second laptop, two USB drives, the bundle of cables, and my MP3 player. Now that I'm calming down, I see that much of the small equipment turns out to be simply scattered, and soon Jenifer and PTG help me root through the snowy thicket as if it were an HOS - wait, it IS an HOS! - looking for mice (of a technologic nature), USB drives, web cameras, pen, microphones and more. 

Then I make a list for myself. Wickerbat, last seen in the Dark Tower. Cash, last seen exiting the Winter Garden with Jenifer and Randy but now whereabouts unknown. He still does not answer the phone, but I take some comfort in that he has not used the flinxing app. 

"I recommend you use the Confessional if you want to get to that secret evil lair," I tell them. "I don't trust the Cloud City entrances." I boot up the laptops to see if I am still connected to the Castle wifi. Things are looking better yet! While it's not full access, I can still get into much of the Castle's audio, visual and data systems. 

"Wait," says Jenifer, "you sound like you're not coming with us." 

"I'm going to the Dark Tower to look for Wickerbat." 

"Wha-! How did you reach a high enough level for the Dark Tower?!" 

"Shh, I'm still only level 39. There are always other ways. Now unfortunately the printer was one of the casualties here, but if you leave this application running it's got the floor plans showing all the tunnels for the Castle, Town, Cloud City and the Dark Tower. Forest isn't included in this list, but PTG's getting pretty good with that bench and can maybe give you a lift." I hand Jenifer the second laptop. 
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From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)

5/19/18

PAGE 15 CONTINUED

PTG

As I open my eyes I see that Jenny is stuffing something large into her "front pockets"  

I am too much of a gentleman to inquire but note that there is now a furniture item missing form the room.  

Randy is still dreamy eyed and rocking gently as he hums, so I look over his shoulder at the piece of paper he is holding.    

I have to look again while adjusting my brain to take in the wonderful animated picture in front of me.  

On it in vivid colour 3-D is an image of a scantily dressed young lady doing a hula-hula in front of him     

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From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)

5/22/18

PAGE 16

PTG

I look aghast at what those two prize (GOLD STAR    ) idjits have just done  

With bits and pits of the mad evil-genius foe cascading all around us, I dive for my bench and cover myself as best I can with a handy towel.  

At the same time I invoke who ever the powers are in this dimension saying: 
“It is not my fault; I have nothing to do with it; those two asinine creatures are strangers to me (and I revoke any partnership!)”    

I then implore – plead –BEG my bench to take my away as far as possible and think SOUTH POLE. I will prefer the cold compared to what is about to be inflicted upon us.  

Nothing happens apart from the pitter, patter of tiny bits of genius floating to the floor.   
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From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)

5/22/18

PAGE 16 CONTINUED

JENIFER

PTG is glaring at me while I reapply my feathers, bells and barnacles. 

"What?" I throw up my hands. "It's a giant red button! If I'd written it myself I still would have pressed it! Who can resist a giant red button?!" 

We look back to the monitors. "Lets go get Cash and Wickerbat." PTG decides. "We can at least do that for Grim." 

We look to Randy sprawled over the convenient plot device - I mean magic teleportation bench. 

"Looks like we'll have to walk." I frown. "We need a map of the tunnels." 

We all jump as a machine whirrs behind us, then starts spitting out paper. We wait for it to attack. Instead it stops and deposits a page into an attached tray. 

I walk over and gingerly pick it up. "Hey! It's a map!" 

"Voice activation." PTG nods, "Grim mentioned that." 

"Get me Surf n Turf!" Randy bellows. 

We all wait and look around. Nothing. 

"AAWWW Craponacracker!" 

We are grateful that nothing happens at that command. 

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From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)

5/22/18

PAGE 16 CONTINUED

PTG

I think to myself: this will only take a minute.  

That old Salty guy cannot come to any harm either to himself or to the environment in such a short time.  

I program the co-ordinates in for the now groaning bush, where Jenny Wren had tossed her swag. My trusty mobile bench obliges and within seconds we are alongside it.  

Up periscope!  

I quickly do an all-round scan and see that the coast is clear.  

There going through the Castle gates is a very noisy clanking Jenny Wren, bellowing at the top of her voice the Aussie equivalent of “Ten Green Bottles” (with occasional shrieks as the non-too friendly Castle staff haul her into custody).    

I approach the moaning and groaning bush and grab the sack. 
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From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)

5/22/18

PAGE 17

PTG

My younger female partner seems to know where all the explosives in the Castle are stashed and is shelling out diamonds like she was rich in order to get them all together quickly.     

She is working on my Cunning Plan  to transport us into the parallel never-never land where we hope Grim or the relevant bits and pieces of her are located.  

I in the meantime have sat myself down next to Randy and am listening carefully to what he is mumbling about.  

He seems to be singing an Olde-time Music Hall ditty which begins:   
"Mud, mud, glorious mud 
Nothing quite like it for cooling the blood 
So follow me follow, down to the hollow 
And there let me wallow in glorious mud
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