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I am just about to sit down in my favourite Tea Room chair and sip from my delicate bone china cup when there is a hammering on the door followed by a most ungentlemanly like bellow
“We know you are in there, you baseless cur of a caretaker!
“Open this door and let us do our lawful duty as charged by his Most Excellent Eminence on High of the Midnight Castle.
“If you do not immediately open this door then we have no alternative but to enact our legal obligation and delete you from the Midnight Castle and its environs!
“You will be erased from this Realm!”
Now this sounds a bit serious, so calling out to those outside to wait a moment, I don my special boots and slip into the kitchen and out of there by the back door.
I creep around the corner of the Castle to see who and what is facing me, if I open the Tea Room door.
There are about fifty burly guards all primed up to rush the door the minute it is opened.
Obviously they have tried to enter secretly but our wards and protections have prevented them from doing so.
I grab my broom, convert it quickly into a sumptuous charabanc and climb onto it.
Rising up into the air to about 8 feet (Just beyond a spear throw’s range) I turn the corner and call out:
“Hey there, What’s up doc?!”
After the initial confusion and obvious embarrassment at failing to take me by force, a small dark suited figure emerges from their midst holding one of the dreaded parchment MC invoices.
“You owe us damages from the devastation you have cause in the Belfry. Several worthy citizens were rendered unable to carry on with their play due to deafness from the ringing of bells. There is now a large hole in the side wall of the Belfry bringing in a howling icy cold wind to those players. And you have destroyed property belonging to the Castle, to wit one bathtub!
“You must pay OR ELSE!”
“How much do I owe, just to keep you quiet and go away?”
“Can I see the bill please?”
A small piece of parchment floated over to me which clearly says $1,000,000 fine and reparations.
“And what about$2, 3, 4, and 5, 000,000?. What is the justification for that amount?”
The little man gave a smirk and carefully explains:
“The first million is for the Midnight Castle team, the rest for our most noble CEO who has been inconvenienced so much by you!”
“OK then! Here is the first $1,000,000 in gold. The rest of the money I have converted into dynamite sticks and they are now placed in your CEO’s office!
“Do you want the debt discharged now?
“Oh! And here are a couple of samples to help you on your way!”
Oh! They can get a move on when necessary. Within seconds they have all disappeared as I catch a small piece of parchment with Receipt printed on it!
I HEAR THE RACKET AT THE TEA ROOM AND LOOK OUT OF THE BARN, WHAT THE HECK ARE THOSE TWO UP TO NOW.
IT IS NOT PTG AND ROO. THERE ARE A LARGE GROUP OF GUARDS AND SOME LITTLE MAN IN BLACK.
THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME SO I JUST WATCH. SOON PTG IS HIGH ABOVE THEM. HE HAS OUT FLANKED THEM.
I CAN'T HEAR CLEARLY WHAT IS GOING ON BUT SOON THE GROUP TAKE OFF AT A HURRIED PACE. I DID SEE SOMETHING GO BETWEEN PTG AND THE LITTLE MAN.
SOON THEY ARE GONE. I FIGURE THE COAST IS CLEAR. TIME TO GET MORE PROVISIONS OR MAYBE A REAL MEAL AND FRESH COFFEE IN THE TEA ROOM.
IT HAS BEEN VERY QUIET FOR AWHILE I WILL CHANCE IT.
Siting back taking a break on my brain and back , I admire my handy work
This is going to work out just fine ,,,,, mess with me and ya gets da horn as they say lol.
What the??? I hear PTG talking ???? oh craponacracker that lill uggie rat is back and demanding money again,,, will he never learn?
I am about to go over to the Tea Room and kick some uggie arse but decide to wait and see what PTG will do.
I listen then start to laugh then roll on the floor then I hear the gang running for there lives right past my cottage,,,
Man they sure can move when need be,,,
I get up and watch as they tear by me and the lill rat trying to keep up with the terrified guards don't know who is more terrified them or the rat ,,, watago PTG perfectly plane and played.
The lill rat is hanging on for dear life to the sack of gold that is heaver then he is so half holding half dragging he is struggling to keep up and yelling @#$%^&*()(*&^%$#$%^&*()_)(*&^%$#@!@#$%^ you blundering idjits help me with this sack and I hear one say sorry you are on your own you can face the CEO on yer own on this one.
Then KABOOM ,,, lol I knew what that was and see a huge puff of smoke rise to the sky,,, well that one worked yahhhhhhh.
As I get closer I see the guards fall in the huge hole like domino's and the rat the last to go in with a scream from hell.
Oh this is priceless as I watch the net curl around them and lift them sky high.
They look like a bunch of wiggly worms trying to escape and the cursing wow wow to funny ... never knew they knew that many words.
I walk around the net jabbing with my Sai ,, a butt here a butt there oh this is fun.
Well hello again rat face will you NEVER learn? are you that stupid? have you not learned you CAN NOT blackmail us?
Here let me relieve you of that heavy sack,,,, the rat fights to hang on but a pick with my Sai a scream of pain and the sack is mine.
The rats eyes glow red with hate and anger I mock him ,,, ohhhhhhhhhhhh I am so scared please mister rat don't hurt me.
Okay you are boring me ,,, I call Frost,, * RIDER*
Frost lnds beside me and the rat faints hahahahaha so brave is he not.
Frost take this net to the garbage dump the one over the Abyss and let it go.
Frost grabs the net as I cut it free and he is off as I wave bye bye now don't be strangers.
I walk back to The Tea Room calling PTG to join me ,,,,
I get there before he does and ask Opel for a special snack and his fav drink.
PTG peeks around the door not sure if he should come in ,, is he safe or have I set a trap .
I laugh and say get yer butt over here all is good,
Congrats my good man you made me very proud today well done oh and I think this belongs to you as I push the bag of gold coins to him and watch his face light up,
Cheers my Second in command you have redeemed your self today
I WAS ABOUT TO GO TO THE TEA ROOM TO SEE ABOUT FOOD WHEN THE GUARD AND THAT LITTLE BLACK COATED RAT RUN BY ME. I GIVE A THUMBS UP TO PTG AND WATCH AS THE MAKE A RUN FOR THE CASTLE. THEN BOOOOOM THEY ARE IN A BIG HOLE THEN IN THE AIR. NOT SURE HOW OR WHEN THAT TRAP WAS LAID. BUT IT IS FUNNY TO WATCH. THE CAP SAUNTERS UP TO THE NET GETS HIS LICKS IN. GENTLY FOR HIM. AT LEAST NO ONE DIED. THEN FROST CARRIES THE WRIGGLING NET HIGH INTO THE AIR AND DROPS IT INTO THE ABYSS. CAP CALL FOR PTG TO JOIN HIM IN THE TEA ROOM.
I THINK AGAIN ABOUT FOOD AND DECIDE TO JUST REFILL MY BASKET AND THERMOS AND RETURN TO THE PEACE OF THE BARN.
BESIDES IT WILL SOON BE TIME TO FEED MY BUNCH SO I WILL HAVE MY MEAL THE SPEND THE EVENING WITH MY ZOO.
STILL NOT SURE ALL THE COMMOTION IN THE TEA ROOM IS OVER.
I saunaed into the kitchen to see if Mrs, Fletcher is there ,
Not seeing her but see Miss Katt and Opel pouring over some important looking papers.
Hello ladies what's up as I grab a cookie and get my hand slapped for my effort lol
Well we are just going over the menu's for tomorrow and trying to get an idea what to make if The Anniversary Party is still going on seeing we have had NO heads up from you PTG Roo or Mrs Fletcher I know she wants one but with her still feeling under the weather do we go ahead or not?
Humm good question ,,, I have not spoken to her in a bit but the thing is Harvest is fast approaching and we always have a huge tado so maybe her idea would be to combine them? then there is Halloween.
That is a lot of work not just for the new dissidents the Gnome workers and you ladies but you know if it can be done we are the ones to do it.
Let me go run this by PTG.
PTG is right where I left him staring at the sack of gold and with that silly grin from ear to ear.
I snap my fingers EARTH TO PTG ANY ONE HOME??
Huh what ?? oh hey there Cap what's up?
Man what a door knob he needs his head read or a swift kick in the butt to wake him up.
I run the ideas by him and ask so what do you think?
He eyes are like a mirror so I just pat him on the head and head off to see Charlie and find Mrs. Fletcher.
Not finding Mrs. Fletcher nor Charlie I decided to take my Doogie for a walk Charlie is feeding him a bit to much lol he is getting a pot belly so a walk will do him good .
I think I will take him over to the cave and see how Smoke and the family are doing and how much the pups have grown .
You know babies the grow like stink weed.
I put the harness on Doogie but he will not budge see he is munching on some oats oh I see I say going to be like that are you spoiled brat lol.
What if I dangle a juicy carrot in front of you whoa lol that did the trick and off we go.
I am talking to myself out loud not as if Doogie understands or will answer me ,,,,, I really think having a huge party and combine our 5 year anniversary and the harvest is a great idea.
Halloween is fast coming but that would be to much all together so two for one is the way to go.
And I am sure if I went to the main camp and got the husband and wife team of tailor and seamstress that they would be delighted to make all our outfits and for any one wanting a Halloween custom ,
Our seamstress is a whizz at sewing and her hubby is a great tailor and I am sure that all our new neighbors wife's would lend a hand.
I smile this is sounding better and better as I stroke Doogie's main.
I rub my Amulet and call,,, Smoke bring the family I brought a friend tell the pups to behave Doogie is still nervous but I want him to meet the Dire's and know they are friends and he will not be dinner.
Just as I finish I can see Smoke come out of the cave and the family behind him.
They sit and wait as Smoke and I do our greeting well more like rolling on the ground in a mock fight.
Okay big boy ya got me again lol ,,,, Smoke this is Doogie ,,, Doogie this my boy Smoke he is now your friend and will protect you always ,, Doogie bay's as Smoke smells then licks his nose.
The pups come forward OMG they are huge,,,, Good God Smoke what are you feeding them ??
I give then a minute to smell and accept Doggie before they all jump on me tails waging lounges flapping.
Whew they wore me out so I told them go play * nicely * with Doogie I am going to visit your Mom and Dad.
I was surprised to see Doogie join in the fun and he joined in running around after the pups .
He is going to be tired tonight and I am going to get it from Charlie for what she will call my hair brain shenanigans lol.
It was getting late and Doogie was tired so we said our good byes and headed back to The Tea Room for supper and The Diers off to hunt.
What a great day come on Doogie boy lets go home and see how mad Charlie is at me lol.
I HAVE FINISHED FEEDING AND BRUSHING ALL THE CATS AND DOGS. GONE TO THE TEA ROOM TO REFILL MY BASKET. WAS SITTING HAVING SOME COFFEE AND FINISHING THE SANDWICH OPAL HAD FIXED FOR ME. SHE HAD TOLD ME NOT TO BE TOO LATE FOR SUPPER BUT THAT THE SANDWICH AND COFFEE SHOULD SEE ME THROUGH TILL THEN. OH! DEAR! IT WAS ALMOST A COMMAND TO JOIN THEM IN THE TEA ROOM FOR SUPPER.
IN THAT CASE I HAD BEST FINISH BRUSHING DOWN AND CHECKING THAT ALL THE ZOO IS READY FOR THE NIGHT.
FINISHED BABY AND BEAU AND THE BRAT OF A LEMUR JL AND HEADED FOR THE PART OF THE BARN WHERE GOLDIE AND DOOGIE WHERE STALLED.
WHEN I ARRIVE I DISCOVER DOOGIE IS MISSING I START TO RAISE THE ALARM WHEN GOLDIE LETS ME KNOW THAT THE CAP HAD PUT HIS HALTER AND LEAD ROPE ON HIM. I HAD HAD THEM MADE SO DOOGIE COULD GO INTO THE PASTURE WITH GOLDIE, BABY AND BEAU WHEN I TOOK THE TO GRAZE. DOOGIE WAS STILL A LITTLE UNSETTLED OUTSIDE OF THE ENCLOSURE WHERE HE KNEW HE WAS SAFE.
GOOD FOR THE CAP, THE LITTLE DONKEY HAD PUT ON WEIGHT BUT WAS NOT FAT HE HAD ROUNDED A BIT, BUT MOST OF THAT WAS DUE TO THE FACT HIS BACK WAS SWAYED FROM HAVING TO CARRY AND HAUL MUCH MORE WEIGHT THEN THE LITTLE GUY SHOULD HAVE. IT IS A GOOD THING I DO NOT KNOW HIS FORMER OWNER, OWNER MY FOOT, THAT MAN SHOULD NOT EVER BE ALLOWED TO EVEN OWN SO MUCH AS A FLEA.
I WAS COMING TO A BOIL JUST THINKING OF THE WAY HE HAD TREATED THAT SWEET LITTLE DONKEY, WHEN THE CAP RETURNED WITH HIM.
OK, CAP I KNOW HE IS YOURS BUT PLEASE IN THE FUTURE JUST OPEN YOUR AMULET TO ME. I ALMOST SET OF THE ALARM WHEN I DISCOVERED HIM GONE. GOLDIE TOLD ME HE WAS WITH YOU.
IF I AM NOT IN THE TEA ROOM WHICH HAS NOT BEEN SAFE OF LATE, I AM SOMEWHERE ABOUT THE ENCLOSURE.
NOW SINCE YOU HAVE SEEN HIM OUT AND ABOUT YOU CAN CLEAN HIM UP. THE CURRY COMB AND HORSE BRUSHES ARE ON THE LEDGE BY MY CHAIR.
AND OPAL HAS GIVEN INSTRUCTION NOT TO BE LATE FOR SUPPER. OH! WE NEED TO DISCUSS WHAT WE ARE TO DO FOR HALLOWEEN.
WITH THAT I TURN TO GET DOOGIE A BUCKET OF FRESH WATER. I AM SURE HE IS THIRSTY IT APPEARS THEY HAVE BEEN GONE SOME TIME.
DOOGIE WAS A SIGHT, DUSTY GRASS AND BURRS IN HIS TAIL. THEY MUST HAVE HAD A GOOD TIME OR GONE SOME DISTANCE INTO THE TALLER GRASSES.
I FINISHED UP GOLDIE MADE A CHECK ON EVERYONE ELSE GATHERED MY BAG, SUGAR AND SPICE OPAL'S BASKET AND THERMOS AND HEADED TO MY ROOM AT THE TEA ROOM WITH JUST ENOUGH TIME TO CLEAN UP AND BE READY FOR A HOT MEAL AT A TABLE. THESE LAST FEW DAY STAYING IN THE BARN HAD BEEN QUIET BUT NOT MUCH ELSE.
I am sitting back in my chair having supped my tea and eaten a delicious cheese scone, freshy baked and buttered.
There is a pleasant buzz is the background as the gals in the kitchen “plot” to provide a festive evening for us all since the 5th Anniversary activity has just ended.
My trusted broom has just returned having cleaned up all the dust bunnies from those recent activities.
But it is not happy. In fact, it is distinctly unhappy!
By coaxing and cajoling I get it to tell me that is has not been able to visit its “dear friend”!
This is the curvaceous besom from the East Realm which at present resides in the HOS Repository after being zapped by one of our worthy citizens.
I am just about to investigate further when I casually glance out of the Tea Room window.
Oh! No! Not again!
Down by the bridge across the moat there is a contingent of armed guards surrounding workmen.
These are erecting a barricade across the bridge which effectively bars anyone from crossing it if these guards say no!
Another attack imminent?
But no! After the workmen have finished, they depart and leave the guards lounging around the barrier.
They just turn away anyone trying to cross and come into the Castle. There is no toll booth so that little creep is not trying to raise more taxes this way.
Then I note that all is quiet in the Tea Room and Salty’s. We have NO customers!
The corridors outside our area are also quiet although things seem to be normal elsewhere in the Castle.
My broom has disappeared. Obviously sulking, but it soon returns wafting a piece of paper in front of me.
I read it:
(by order of the Chief Executive Officer of the Midnight Castle)
The Tea Room and its environs are hereby quarantined with immediate effect due to an infestation of dark magic.
No persons, goods or chattels will be allowed to enter or leave this area and wards have been put into place to enforce this edict by our resident Magician.
Around this area our noble guards have been seconded for your safety and to ensure any contained vermin are apprehended immediately and to be dealt with most severely.
The edict will lapse on completion of this cleansing.
Oh dear! And I am now assailed by a wailing and gnashing of teeth from the kitchen as I have left my amulet on open and broadcast the note’s contents to the entire world.
This is followed by a torrent of most unladylike expletives from Charlie who has just been bowled over by an unknown force at her front door.
She is confined in the Castle with the rest of us;
She, however, is now separated from her beloved zoo!
We need an emergency meeting of our little band of warriors, but where are the others?
$%^&*()_+_)(*&^%$#&()_)(*&^%$ craponacracker here we go again
What the hell is that lill stinker of a rat up to now???
Okay he wants to play hard ball bring it on.
I rub my Amulet and call for Doc.Deadman and Nurse Krachet to bring me the horse needles and plenty of ******
Next I call The Dragons and tell Frost to arrange them around the back so the rats can not escape that way.
Next I call Smoke come my boy with the family and hide behind the Fallen Carriage
I wait for The Doc and Krachet .
What a mess and Opel such language I am shocked at you lol good thing it is in Creole and no one understands you lol
Aw hello Doc ,, Krachet,,, did you bring me what I asked??
He holds up his big bag and nods and smiles.
Good come with me.
We head to the bridge and reach the barrier ,,, the idjiots hold up there swords and shout HALT WHO GOES THERE ?
Not only stupid but must be blind as well sheesh.
It is Captain Randy leader here now what the H*** is going on here how dare you say we are Quarantined and from what or who do these orders come from??
One Idjiot steps up and says that is none of your business no get back ,,, oh but it is my business if there is any danger to my people I need to know what it is and I have our Doctor and his nurse here to see we are safe.
Oh by the way if there is any danger here such as a plague or what ever then you all to are in danger as well as all of us ... so I have an idea I wull get Doc here with Nurse Krachet to inoculate all of us and then you will be safe and return to The CEO with any sickness from here and tell him all is safe now or you could take a chance and go back with what ever and make everyone including your CEO deadly sick is that what you want?
The gather and mutter together,,,,, okay but you get shots first in front of us so I can see you are not pulling a fast one on us.
I whisper to The Dires and my Dragons get ready.
Sure thing just to prove to you the injections are safe we will go first.
Good thing PTG is not here he faints at the sight of needles lol lol the doorknob.
Doc gets my injection ready *** filled with water of course**** and as the head idjit watches I get my shot,,,, next is krachet Doc injects her ,,,,, the she injects the Doc.
There see I told you it is safe ,,, but to make you feel better lets wait 30 minutes then you will see there is no danger and you will be protected..... in the mean time Doc prepares the *other* injections *** the horse needles filled with laxative a very strong one (wohahahahahaha)
30 minutes pass and the head gaurde watches us like a hawk.
Okay your tyrn.
As Doc gets ready for the first one he yells HEY why so big???
Relax it is because you are so much bigger then us you need more to match our dosage oh ok.
All 8 are done and I give the order NOW My Dragons fly to the end of the bridge,,,, The Diers stand behind me snarrling and drolling
The gaurds are frozen to the spot can not run forward or backwards ,,,, Okay you blubbering idjits go back and tell you head nut HE WILL NEVER WIN WITH US.
But but but where do we go you have us blocked in and that is when the Laxative hits /
YAHOO THERE SHE BLOWSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
With screams of belly craps and ***** running down the legs they have no choice but to dive off the bridge and swim for the lives fighting there bulging pants from sinking them like a rock to the bottom.
Doc Krachet and I are laughing so hard we can barley see ,,, then we spot lumps?? floating on the water??
OH HHAHAHAHAHAHAHA they are now bare butt they removed the pants to save there lives .
I look at Doc so how long will that stuff last?
Oh a few days or more lol
I give the order to stand down to my Dragons and the Dires that I swear are all laughing with us.
Come on Doc I owe you a drink ,,, yeah you can come to Krachet
Off we go holding our sore sides from laughing .
I hear a very loud ZAp ZIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT and turn around to see PTG hovering just above the ground arms and legs straight out shaking like he is doing the hoochie coochie and teeth clacking and oh dear look at his silver main or should I say his grey red black tipped Mohawk and sparkles to boot.
Out of the corner of my eyes I see our playful ellefunck charging PTG and WHOOSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH lets PTG have it .
Well the flames are out but poor Ptg going hurt tomorrow maybe Charlie can make him a temp wig to cover what I am sure will be a some what spot and bald head.
I am sure Charlie has enough wool or she might knit him a cap lol.
Doc ,, K ratchet and me are trying so hard not to burst out laughing cause as you all know been there done that and wrote the book and it does not tickle I would not want to add insult to injury but daumnnnnnnn it is funny to see ... now I know what I looked like when I got Zapped.
I call Frost to come bust the barrier so no one else gets zapped.
That being taken care of I hear Opel stomping up behind me and saying got it covered Cap I will fix Mr PTG up right as rain you and the others go inside I made you all a light lunch now off with you.
ROT ROUH I spy Opel's fix all cure all *** toxic waste*** in her hand oh craponacracker as if my poor doorknob has not suffered enough he now faces that rank rancid potion of Opel's it is horrid but it does work.
We hear PTG scream NO NO NO OPEL I AM FINE AND I DO NOT NEED THAT===GURGLE GURGLE as Opel pours the potion in his mouth and to be sure he swallows she pinches he nose and clamps her huge hand over his mouth.
I shudder poor PTG know what ya goin through .