Jenifer (Zarknorph)

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Ready for The Special Room (latest)   Oh the Absurdity!

Started 4/18/18 by PTG (anotherPTG); 402931 views.
PTG (anotherPTG)

From: PTG (anotherPTG)


Everyone is badgering me!

“Shall we do this? Shall we do that? You must do that or the other!”

The others have no conception of the complexity of this problem.

Dear stupid Jen who has a penchant for young eligible guards Jen has been captured and may at this moment be molested by nefarious thugs

And we don’t know the who, why or where the problem comes from.

I now have some resplendent fireworks but where and when to set them off. This  is in the second phase of my Cunning Plan. I WANT Jen to do it for maximum effect as she seems to be the demolition expert.

So first we find her.

Charlie’s offer of using her Ghost Pup pet is a good one providing our proposed lines of communication work.

But where to start? Jen’s disappearance has left no trail to follow.

“Just down by a lake” I am told by my pets and then they clam up citing Evil Magic.

My broom has also distanced itself. Surely it must know where she is – just not saying for the same reason. That broom is close to extinction at this moment of time and my mentor will no doubt berate me for its demise.

I go over to the Tea Room table where we have spread out a large map of the Realm and begin to discuss between us the probabilities of each nearby lake as the source of Jen’s incarceration.

Cap’n Bob is somewhat emasculated as he is fuming at the lack of communication with Jen’s amulet. He is now sure she is using as an anklet bracelet for decoration!

I have an idea!

When Jen was eventually allowed into Kayley to restock her wardrobe, she was VERY thorough!

Not just buying a dress and some panties but all the accessories to which she is normally accustomed. In fact she nearly gave the Cap’n apoplexy whe he saw the charge on his credit card!

Now she also favours a particular brand of perfume which I call Eau de les Sewers, and she bought a large bottle of that.

Ghost Pup may be a ghost, but it still has all the faculties of a canine. Including its sense of smell.

We can but try to use this.

Charlie and I will stay in the Tea Room with the map and send the pup on its mission round to each lake in turn to locate the particular aromatic source we are looking for. It can communicate with Charlie and she communicates with me.

And I can sip hong cha in comfort while it is doing so.

Once we have located Jen then the next phase of my Cunning Plan will come into force.

PTG (anotherPTG)

From: PTG (anotherPTG)


“OK then! Is everyone agreed and on board with my idea?”

I look across at Charlie and she nods.

“Ghost Pup has just reached the first lake here”, pointing to a mass of water on the map, which is the nearest one to where Jen disappeared and Tarquin dived into the snow drift.


From that point, the little ghost dog moved out in ever increasing circles sniffing out the possibilities of locating Jen.


By now I could see some very quizzical pairs of eyes looking at me and knowing what they meant!

My Cunning Plan to use the pong of the perfume is a useless waste of time!

By this time, our canine ‘sniffer outer’ has reached what could best described as the intersection between three Kingdoms: Bone, Northern and Trojan on the map.

And I see Charlie immediately perk up and become alert. She is obviously listening to something being told to her internally. At the same time her two immortal feline guardians wrap themselves around her legs in a tight protective mode and seem to glare at ME!

Obviously they are not happy with something being said.

“Ghost Pup has found beneath her the source of the scent that you have given it. But it comes from below ground and is very faint.

“I need to track it more accurately and to do it from there, but evidently my pet has picked VERY strong sensations of evil, particularly to our kind – humans.

“My lions do not want me to go. They say that it is YOUR problem and that I should stay at home!

“But here is the spot”.

She picks up a pen to mark on the map where the little dog is.

So it is up to me once more to overcome the worst that the evils of this Realm can thrust upon us all despite what the Cap'n thinks!

Well that is, if Cap’n Bob lets me!

“I have my magical ‘get me home’ boots on if I get into difficulties and my mentor will surely not let me go if they are ineffective through any evil in the area.

“At the least, let me reconnoitre the area?”

And hope that there are not the Famous Last Words of a stupid Cunning Plan!


From: SharpEye1




Jenifer (Zarknorph)

From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)


"ENOUGH WITH THE SHOUTING!!!"  I kick Tarquin in the shin.

"I DEMAND to know what you are doing!  Not that I have the right to demand anything from any woman, if that is how you choose to self-identify."

One last smash of the rock and the piton is loose enough for me to wrench out of the cave wall.

I sigh and slump to the dirt floor.  "What is the last thing you remember?"

"Is this a cognitive test?  Person, Woman, Man, Camera, TV."

I slap him. 

"I remember you!  You were a menace to the kingdom!  Wait... aren't you supposed to be dead?"

"Long story.  I mean what is the last thing you remember before you woke up here?"

"There was an explosion..."

"Yes, but let's move on from there, it's better that way."

"I found you and was just about to inform you of your civil rights, which you should be grateful for, as many realms have none, or are dismantling them as we speak-"

I raise my hand again.

"OK! OK!  You know violence is never a solution to any problem."

I sigh.  "And yet, people pay attention when it happens."

"Alright.  We were near a crater, then you escaped."

"That wasn't my plan.  I just got picked up by something that I have a strange past with.  I don't actually know what it is.  Could be a dragon, could be a snowman.  Randy has never officially told me."

"Very well, you are innocent until proven guilty."

"Oh, I'm guilty.  Let's not have a lie hanging over our heads the whole time.  The story arc is too predictable."

"True.  Very well... I head back to my post, when I was struck from behind.  My guard partner was not there.  I don't mean partner in a relationship sense, not that there is anything wrong with that.  LBGTQICFP rights are essential for a utopian society."

"There are more letters now?"

"A new one is added every six months."


"Then I noticed a new guard.  He said we were being replaced, but I'm sure he meant reassigned and did not want to question his misuse of the word, as that would be educational shaming.  Then we head down here and..."

"This happened."


"Can you remember the way you came in?"

"Well... we were having quite a heated debate about the military being non-partison as we walked, but I think we came through that passage over there."

"Good.  Fill your water bottle over there, then grab a torch and let's go."

"Of course!  Ladies first. OH!  Not that ladies need to be coddled.  If you even choose to identify-"

He knows what is coming.  I suspect he is slapped often.

Kattlyn Raven (cindykat325)

Here you are Angel, Jumbo cake and ice cold milk - as requested. Put that sugar rush to good use!


From: SharpEye1


Mmmmmm!  Thank you, Miss Katt, that was delicious, and hit the spot.  C'mon Pup, let's get to training.....who knows how much time we have before all Hell breaks loose around here again!

Cap, we'll be in the field practicing, if you need us.

En Guarde.........

PTG (anotherPTG)

From: PTG (anotherPTG)


Well! It is time to get a move on and rescue Jen.

We can’t have her missing for too long from the kitchen or the ‘hills will be alive with the sound of her tummy rumbling!’

One more quick look at the map which I then jab at my broom

“This is where we are going so NO ‘ifs or buts’. No excuses because it is too far or that the weather is inclement.

“We get under the canopy of the greenish mist, locate where it is coming from and I will shut it down.

“Then WE will find and rescue our partner: that fickle fashionista who will welcome us with open arms.

“I have put a slice of cake in my pocket to sustain her if she is a little peckish”

I get the feeling that my broom is doing all of this under duress and this is not helped by the cawing and cooing of my two pets also urging caution.

As we are travelling to the far north I wrap an extra layer or two around my extremities. I also add a few combustible knick-knacks to the pockets.

Finally I test my amulet by telling all and sundry: "Jen I am your knight in shining armour and will shortly rescue you from any fates worse than death you may be suffering at this moment of time!”

Cap’n Bob scowls but nods his approval as he gives an extra burp to send me on my way.

Angel is dreamy eyed as she hones her weapon and thinks of possible future conflicts. She thinks that she is 100% warrior now!

Katt comes bustling out with the emergency vittles’.

Broom in hand we head for the marked spot on the map.

Well! I expected it to be cold but never this cold. IT Is freezing and every shape we pass I consider to be the enemy with the abominable snowman rapidly becoming a reality.

Cautiously I peer around a large rock in the middle of the path and there: lo and behold! A thin evil green mist oozing from a cave disappearing into the hillside.

Unfortunately there is a slight problem!

Jenifer (Zarknorph)

From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)


"I'm just saying, it's a big problem!"

"Tarquin, the hypothetical right for Castle Guards to wear gender fluid attire is not the point.  I'm saying that a sequinned ball gown is not practical for law enforcement".

"Don't you oppress the rights of others to express their individuality!"

"It doesn't even have pockets!  You are speaking to a person who goes out of their way to design absurdly impractical tactical gear!"

We stop at a junction, showing three alternative passageways.

"Which way?"

"I recognise that moss.  It reminded me of the plight of the refugees in the forest."

We take the far right path and I am relieved to find it begin to slope upward.

"What refugees in the forest?"

"The war." Tarquin looks confused.  "It has been displacing thousands."

"Which war?"

"The Captain's war."

"Who?  Randy?  He's an idiot."

"You've been away a long time.  His war is destroying habitats and homes everywhere."

"You mean... like air raids and tunnel explosions?" I feel a little sick.

"Some of it.  Mostly he sits in a tea room under the lake planning battles, with no regard for the damage being done."

"You said habitats.  As in animal habitats?"

"Of course.  There is talk of a resistance movement in the forest."

My poor animals.  What of Hoppy?  I know Anabel is safe in another realm and another story.

"How does the castle feel about this 'resistance'?"

"They are not paying it much attention.  But... I am becoming increasingly disillusioned with Castle policy.  They just care about the war with the Captain.  Honestly, when we get out of here, I plan to find them and join them."

"Do you think they are the ones who kidnapped us?"

"I don't know."

We walk on in silence.  I am grateful for it, as I have a lot to think about.

PTG (anotherPTG)

From: PTG (anotherPTG)


At the entrance are two VERY large oafish louts with spears lolling around in a semblance of guarding this hole in the ground as the green mist twirls and swirls around them and then filters into the atmosphere.

I am just about to slither my way around them and into the cave when there are loud noises emanating from it closely followed by three more oafs. One of them is barking out orders in an unknown language while the two loutish guards appear to cringe before him.

The other two new guards replace them  at the cave entrance and the one in charge stomps back followed by the other two.

In a flash my fertile brain suggests that I follow them closely. They do not seem to be too observant and any ward placed on the cave entrance will be down while they all pass through

Once in the very dim and dark cave which descends into the bowels of the earth, the men before me suddenly disappear into a room full of noise, with the smells of food and drink flowing out into the corridor.

I plaster myself into a dark corner on the opposite wall  and carefully glance about me.

The thin green mist is flowing along the ceiling. Below the atmosphere although stale and rancid appears to be clear of it.

I rub my amulet and try to reach Jen.

No answer!

She must be here somewhere but where?

It could take months to explore all these passages.

Then I remember.

In my pocket I have a small but very intelligent rabbit, still with a pencil and a note tied to its back.

I pick it out of my pocket and glance closely and carefully at the little bundle of fur staring bright eyed back at me

It is chittering on a small carrot it had found in my pocket for emergency rations.

“I shall say this only once!

“Find your erstwhile mistress that your ancestors served so well and wait for her to reply to the note.

“Then come back to me with her reply”

Time to wait now in hiding for it to come back, in the meantime cursing the fact that I could have found Jen much more easily if I’d had the foresight to ‘borrow’ Ghost Pup from Charlie!


From: Randytb


Siting at the table with Angel,, Pup and Charlie I glare at my pad then it hits me,

Charlie I know how to protect your workers and any one who will use the new tunnels.

Okay Braineack do tell  this will be good she says,

You know your faith in me is just amazing I am so touched that ever one believes in me I mean really that every on respects me *** that is a laugh********* I just have to remember YOU are NOT Military,

Any way I will explain that part when the new tunnels are done,

By the way Charlie how long do you think it will take PTG to realize he made a huge mistake in not taking Ghost Pup You and one of your kitty;s???

And how long before he screams for our help??