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Post your jokes here   Fun and Games

Started 4/20/18 by PTG (anotherPTG); 134651 views.
In reply toRe: msg 13
PTG (anotherPTG)

From: PTG (anotherPTG)

4/21/18

The second joke of the day is a "literary one"

Bear with me!

Complete or finished ?

 

No dictionary has ever been able to satisfactorily define the difference between "COMPLETE" and "FINISHED". 

However, recently a Linguistics Conference 
was held in London, England and attended by some of the best linguists in the world.

 

At this conference, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese linguist, was  the presenter and was asked to make just that very distinction.

The question put to him by a colleague in the erudite audience was this: 
"Some say there is no difference between 'Complete' and 'Finished'. Please explain the difference in a way that is easy to understand."

 

"When you marry the right woman, you are 'Complete'. 

When you marry the wrong woman, you are 'Finished'. 

And, if the right one catches you with the wrong one, 

you are 'Completely Finished'.
 
His answer received a five minute standing ovation.

 

 

In reply toRe: msg 14
PTG (anotherPTG)

From: PTG (anotherPTG)

4/21/18

try these!

And

In reply toRe: msg 15
PTG (anotherPTG)

From: PTG (anotherPTG)

4/21/18

A few bon mots. Some may even be funny!

1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5. Don't take life too seriously. No one gets out alive.

6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

9. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

1. Nyquil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room- spinning medicine. 


12. God must love stupid people; He made so many. 


13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine. 


14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
...[Message truncated]
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In reply toRe: msg 15
PTG (anotherPTG)

From: PTG (anotherPTG)

4/21/18

I would like to share an experience with you all, about drinking and driving.

As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years.

A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many beers and some rather nice wine. Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before - I took a bus home.

I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise, as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got it from!

Jenifer (Zarknorph)
Host

From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)

4/21/18

PTG (anotherPTG) said:

6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

Love it!

PTG (anotherPTG)

From: PTG (anotherPTG)

4/21/18

Let battle commence?

One evening Ron, the old farmer, decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence, and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

Ron frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked."

Holding the bucket up Ron said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."

Some old men can still think fast.

Seen on some desks:

Out to Lunch

what I have seen of people in this world, for some it should read:

Permanetly Out To Lunch

Jackie34918

From: Jackie34918

4/21/18

I'm laughing so much I'm going to have to buy a supply of diapers if I keep reading these jokes!

Oh, I love these jokes.

Real life:

My upstairs neighbor keeps using the squeaky floor to make noise and annoy me because of my lack of effort cleaning.

ofcourse, this is none of his business.

Today I got even with words.

I called up there in a loud voice...

Someone upstairs needs to grow up. You must need a babysitter to supervise you and keep you from doing that.

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