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Post your jokes here   Fun and Games

Started 4/20/18 by PTG (anotherPTG); 115622 views.
Di (amina046)

From: Di (amina046)

Jan-2

1) Q: What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa?
A: A rebel without a Claus.

2) Q: Why is Santa so jolly?
A: Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

3) Q: Why is Christmas just like your job?
A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets the credit.

4) Q: What do you call a broke Santa?
A: Saint Nickel-less

5) Q: Why did Santa send his daughter to college?
A:  To keep her off the North Pole.

6) Q: What do you call Santa if he also lives in the South Pole?
A: Bi-Polar.

7) Q: What did Santa sing when he went down the chimney?
A: "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire..."

8) The Santa at the shopping mall was quite surprised when he saw Martha, a woman in her mid-twenties, asking to sit on his lap. We all know Santa doesn't usually take requests from adults, but she smiled at him very nicely and he ended up asking her what she wanted for Christmas.
"Something for my mother, please," she replied.
"Something for your mother? That's very loving and thoughtful of you," smiled Santa. "What would you like me to bring her?"
Emily answered quickly, "A son-in-law."

9) Q: What nationality is Santa Claus?
A: North Polish.

10) Q: Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
A: Because it soot's him.

11) Q: What do you call Santa's helpers?
A: Subordinate clauses.

12) Q: What's the difference between Santa and a knight?
A: One slays the dragon, the other drags the sleigh.

13) Q: What did Santa say to his wife?
A: It's going to reindeer.

14) Q: What goes "oh oh oh"?
A: Santa walking backwards.

15) Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A: Claustrophobic.

15) Q: Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past? 
A: Because the present's beneath them.

16) Q: Why did the snowman want a divorce?
A: Because his wife was a total flake.

17) Q: What do you call an elf who sings?
A: A wrapper!

18) Q: What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
A: The Christmas alphabet has Noel.

19) Q: Why did the Grinch rob the liquor store?
A: He desperately needed some holiday spirit.

20) Q: What do priests and Christmas trees have in common?
A: Their balls are ornamental.

KNIMtheTOAD

From: KNIMtheTOAD

Jan-5

Di I was referring to your post (If you find my body ) That's how I feel.

Di (amina046)

From: Di (amina046)

Jan-5

We are on the same wavelength! No jogging for me!confounded

In reply toRe: msg 646
Di (amina046)

From: Di (amina046)

Jan-5

I think Maxine has about covered it  
Senior citizens
Senior citizens are constantly being criticized for every conceivable deficiency of the modern world, real or imaginary. We know we take responsibility for all we have done and do not try to blame others.
HOWEVER, upon reflection, we would like to point out that it was NOT senior citizens who took:
The melody out of music,
The pride  out of appearance,
The courtesy  out of driving,
The romance  out of love,
...[Message truncated]
View Full Message
LvlSlgr

From: LvlSlgr

Jan-6

Thanks, Di.

The really funny part is that if you look at the behinds of the dogs on the chart, they really do match what the dog is calling out. LOL

In reply toRe: msg 642
Jenifer (Zarknorph)
Host

From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)

Jan-13

James Veitch - Bane of the spammer


This is what happens when you reply to spam email | James Veitch

Suspicious emails: unclaimed insurance bonds, diamond-encrusted safe deposit boxes, close friends marooned in a foreign country. They pop up in our inboxes, ...


The agony of trying to unsubscribe | James Veitch

It happens to all of us: you unsubscribe from an unwanted marketing email, and a few days later another message from the same company pops up in your inbox. ...

In reply toRe: msg 652
Jenifer (Zarknorph)
Host

From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)

Jan-14

And one more...


James Veitch's Elaborate Wrong Number Prank - CONAN on TBS

CONAN Highlight: When a man confused James for his landlord, there was only one thing James could do - pretend to be his landlord. More CONAN @ http://teamco...

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