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The Special Room - Origins PART 1   Oh the Absurdity!

Started 4/29/18 by Jenifer (Zarknorph); 27141 views.
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From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)

5/11/18

PAGE 12

JENIFER

'OH FOR FUC-" 

PTG wrangles me once more. I struggle and bite. My serious pony tail has become askew. 

I wrench free. "NO! Do you have ANY idea how many blood lotuses are required at my level?" 

"PREACH!" PTG snaps his fingers. I'm glad he's back. 

"I ACTUALLY put them on my wish list! I got THREE! LOVE my friends, but blew threw them in TWO days! You seriously want BLOOD LOTUSES?" 

In the distance we hear screaming from a locked pantry. 

We look to a still entranced Captain PogoRandy. "Well hellooo Penny! Where's Shadow?" 

I groan. "FINE! I'll do the rounds!" 

"Will you be okay alone?" PTG chews his broom. I touch his shoulder gently. "I'd never forget my PARTNER". 

He smiles. I strap on several more bells, bows and feathers and leap off into the night. 

I am accompanied by Cash - the ferret who taught me how to love. I feel serene in my quest. 

But I punch George Lucas in the face. "That's for Jar Jar!" 

GRIM

I watch the - discussion? - between PTG and Jenifer with bemusement. It's much easier to watch this on a monitor than in person. Just as confusing, though. 

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From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)

5/11/18

PAGE 12 CONTINUED

GRIM

I say to PTG, "You want to know why we need to hear Randy's history? Because it's different from the official Castle history. I'll listen to your history of the Castle, too, if you like, if you have one." PTG pretends to look away, omming. 

"I think the Castle is breaking. It keeps trying to repair itself, but that makes it worse. Individually, we can't see it. Once the Winter Garden changes to the Summer Garden you never go back to it, you think it’s gone. But for someone new to the Castle, the only scene they visit is the Winter Garden. Both Gardens exist in the same place at the same time, but most people can only visit one." 

Jenifer pounces on that. "MOST people?" Cash pops his head out of the tangle of her hair. 

Randy explodes in incoherence I don't know how to transcribe. I hope it wasn't the conclusion to his story. 

Jenifer snaps, "AttenSHUN!" and he stops. "I think he suffering from multiple personality disorder," she says. 

I say, "So… when you don't use a quest to travel to the Binding Egg, what's the best way to get to the Castle from the Town? I usually walk." 

Jenifer's jaw drops as she realizes that she unnecessarily went on rounds for a blood lotus. "But you get to keep the blood lotus!" I tell her. 

"No, you don't," says Randy to me, very clearly. We all stare at him in surprise. "You don't walk. You open up that hole in the air, that aperture thing, and you're going to do it right now, for us." 

I'm suddenly very nervous. "And where do you want to go?" 

"To the Special Room."

JENIFER

"No! NO MORE DOCTORS!" I run to sit on PTG's magical floating bench. "Take us to Portofino!" Nothing happens. "Aw this is broken!" 

PTG 'Ohms' beside me while his hands maliciously tear up an official looking letter. 
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From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)

5/11/18

PAGE 12 CONTINUED

RANDY

   ZZZZ Visions of sugar plums dancing in me head ,tra la la la , WHAT were am I ??? why kin I no move?? ohcraponacracker I have done gone and did it lost me flipping mind TOTALLY, I thought I saw a Wabbit dat rascal of a Wabbit,,  wait dis was a bigun I mean a huge un, NO NO NO Daddy Wabbit flew out of me grey matter and left Mamma Wabbit?? and all da dust bunnies wiff no Daddy    say is no so. 
Crack cracklel pop WTH ??? screens? dodads? controls? floating benches? gizmos? okay okay breath Cap ya be fine,,, lay still play dead like good old Pete, and Hooded Death at da card table,, I crack one eye open and peek around,,, oh okay I am right in front of The Wheel of Fortune, but wa happin to it ? it all cracked and empty?? NOOOO how we goin get goodies now diamonds , eggs, free spins?? I hear a very deep baritone voice from behind me as I grab my Sai ** instinck* voice says I need no assitance at the moment please come back later,,, Keeper ??? dat you?? calm Cap calm then I hear a loud screeeeeeeeeach and look at the Pit, da fire birdie is flapping her wings trying to fly away from da fire?? go birdie go dat way der be lots ice der to cool ya down in The Winter Garden,,, peeks around and sees Jenifer snoring so loud she goin burst da walls, 
where is PTG??? I betcha in da Doll House sweeping up or in the Fabric Counter sweeping up needles , pins, threads, sparkels so no one will get stuck and blood ,, OMG no Blood all over da Lotus dat will bring da Vampeers to us I shake da heck outof Jen wait up you smidjit we gota get out of here ,,, JENNNNNNNNNN WAKE UPPPPPPPPPP you loonie Tunes,,,,,,,,

PTG

I have almost succeeded in shutting out all extraneous thoughts and accompanying noise from my companions when that little bossy-boots Jenny Wren demands of my very comfortable chariot bench to be taken foreign parts. At least that is what I think she is saying since I have also borrowed those noise cancelling ear muffs from a passing sweet little avatar.  

I swear it gives a little snigger and would be shaking its head if it had one. The result is total inertia on its part and I give a tiny smile of satisfaction and little pat on its woodwork. 
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From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)

5/14/18

PAGE 13

PTG

I sit on a little mound in the middle of nowhere that I recognize, and contemplate where I am in the Great Scheme of things.  

I subscribe to the philosophy that all creatures have a place in that Scheme.  

Since I persuaded the Scheme to provide me with a comfortable seat – a bench- when my body was tired, then it will provide me with food and drink cos’ I’m now starving.  

There is a sudden brilliant flash of light   , when my musing is apparently heard by Someone on High and I now find myself sitting on another bench.  

This time it is crowded with fishing gear.  

Some large white doves are looking at me rather suspiciously as if they already know the state of my stomach. But I like my pigeons casseroled or barbecued not raw.  

I espy a large straw bottle that someone has carelessly tossed into fishing net and shake it to see if it is full or not. 
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From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)

5/14/18

PAGE 13 CONTINUED

PTG

If a rabbit can frown, then Grim is frowning.  

Alas, alack …..! I fear the worst. My two friends are doomed [what a lovely word!]…. DOOMED!  

Even more so when she hands me a snow globe  

I am hanging on her every word about our perilous state when she speaks: 
“Can you please order me Chinese food with this communication device. I think I have it fully charged”   

Open mouthed and almost speechless I croak: 
“Do you want Cantonese or Mandarin; Sichuan or Dongbei?”  

Unfortunately it seems that we are in a Western culinary desert and the only options on the menu today are dishes 20 (chicken chop suey), or 35 (pork chow mien).  

I make the deci
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From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)

5/14/18

PAGE 13 CONTINUED

JENIFER

I search my corset for a Robin. It takes a while. 

I find one and shake it. "PTG? GRIM? Bing?" 

Slowly an image appears. It has a green face. 

"PTG!!" I cry with joy. "Sorry, to interrupt your skin regime! Where are you? What is happening?!" 

PTG breathes deep and contemplates his navel... "I... am having... an... epiphany!" 

"Yeah, that's great - but we need a PLAN!" 

Grim barges into frame. "Hey, do you know where I can get good Chinese food?" 

I hurl the Robin globe at the Drunken Skeleton, grab my equally drunken compatriot and haul him out the door. 

"Last chance Captain PogoRandy! You finish the story - or I drown you in the moat" 

I know I am not alone in my demands. I hear the cries of seven thousand forum regulars crying for blood. I throw George Lucas at them. They tear him apart and are sated... for now... but it will not last long. 

"Finish the story or DIE!" I hold his head at the surface of the moat. 

"But!' He splutters as the first gulps of moat water enter his lungs. "We're supposed to be BEFORE we all went nuttsies!" 

I laugh the maniacal laugh only reserved for mad scientists hellbent on taking over the world. 
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From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)

5/14/18

PAGE 14 CONTINUED

JENIFER

"Where are all these cauldrons coming from?!!" PTG cries while covering his head with the backpack. 

Grim the Bunny lets out an exasperated groan and reapplies her snorkel. She dives in after me and a few minutes later I, too, am a crustacean covered spitting fountain - with bells on. 

I sit up. "Now I remember! Arabella is pregnant with the Knight's baby." I look to Grim. "Sorry, I'm 41 now." 

"You don't look it!" 

"Salty, you're killing me here!" 

"NO! I IS!" Captain PogoRandy lunges at me again. I duck to the side and sweep my legs underneath his, sending him sprawling along the grass on his belly. I jump onto his back and pin his arms behind him. 

"RANDY!" It's like bull riding, but with a worse smell. "Calm down!" 

"YA TRIED TA KILL ME WOMAN!" 

"Yeah, probably - I've tried to kill a bunch of people, don't take it personally!" 

"Can take it personally?" PTG is miffed. I can tell he wants to fold his arms to accentuate that fact, but there are flying cauldrons about. 

"Look, I'm sorry I tried to kill a bunch of people. To be honest I can't promise it won't happen again." I climb off Randy and stand up. 

Randy slowly gets to his feet. He is seething, but still. 
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From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)

5/14/18

PAGE 14 CONTINUED

JENIFER

"Ow… ow… owie, owie, owie, ow…" I've been here before. I slowly sit up and survey the scene. 

Captain PogoRandy is giggling at an electric eel, PTG is attempting to give Grim the Bunny the Heimlich Manoeuvre while pouring a Chai latte into a snorkel (that's homeopathy for you) and terrified newbies run screaming for their lives. 

The pizza is missing. 

I dry myself off with a handy towel while Randy and Grim get into a grooming war. I feel Randy's new punk spiky hairdo makes him the winner. 

"Okay, so none of that worked." I frown, fashioning the towel into a scarf adorned with barnacles. 

I am met with glares from my team mates. 

"Oh why is it always MY fault?!" 

Grim sighs and gathers all her cables, but Randy won't let go of the eel. 

"We need to get back to the present." She declares. "Follow me!" 

I clap my hands "Follow the White Rabbit!" and proceed to skip along behind her. PTG diligently sweeps while softly crying. "WAIT!" 

"Oh dear God." Grim's head falls into her hands. 

"No! I can help!" I beam "I have an idea!" I grab PTG and run towards the Castle. Grim Jumps on Randy and they PO-GO along behind us. 

We arrive at the office of the castle CEO. I push PT
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From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)

5/19/18

PAGE 15

RANDY

Ellie is kissing my cheeks trying to make da Boo Boo better but all she is doing is    and makin me spike punck rocker spiker and longer?? naw not possable then where da hair comin from ?? all a sudden me arms stick up and out ???? me legs feel heavy I look under da Pits and down me legs SPIKESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS under me arms and all over me legs OMG Ellie turning me in a woorchuck no a hampster NO a porcuepin NO 
Hedghog OMGGGGGGGGGGGG oh but wait I be a walkin Maz Maas Mazzzz ohcraponacracker dat spike wapon thin in da Armoury room,, I almost give meself a Gibbs womp but stop in time before I kill myself.... Oh I have to sit and thunck um um um not a good idea ,, better lay down yeah right you idjit on what?? on a bed maybe ,, yeah right I say to meself what bed, where, what? oh dis is just great newly promo PTG that thuncks I will take orders from WHAT???? oh H*** no I is Canadian a spiked one at dat  we help da Brits but take orders NEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR give me liberty or give me death WOHAHAHAHAHAHA, and I be da Cap around here got it?? I look at da lower level crowd, me heart  oh you poor inocents you ahve no idea what is in store fer ye all,  Oh OH OH I could send them on a Quest fer a bed,, yeah and lets see oh oh reward would be 1000000000000000 of and maga diamonds oh okay throw in bunch of stamps,, Okay ready <<<>>>> first one to find me a bed is da winner and swooshhhhhhhhhhhh of to level 74,, oh and do not bother looking in da Dark Tower in da Guest Room , that is a joke guest room my patookie,der be a overstuffed chair(not good fer sleeping) a firepace NOPE kin no sleep der, oh yeah and a staircase that leads to da Book Of Knowledge so ya climb da stairs grab da book back down da stairs read a bit and go to sleep?? ON WHAT ready set CHARGEEEEEEEEEE find me a bed and be a winner 
Gives PTG a smuge look and thuncks now dat is how ya give orders 

JENIFER

I grab PTG's to-do list out of his chest pocket. "Boundaries!!" 

"Okay, we officially need to scratch 'get the rest of the story from Captain Randy' off the list." I strike it through with a mulitcoloured pen I reserve for my friends list. I choose purple for the occasion. "We'll use him for transport and set him loose on our enemies." 

We all look to Randy running around in circles in the belief he is a hedgehog. 

"Yep." PTG and Grim agree. 

"Grim - we need to fix this mess, get your systems up and running, find out who did this, are they the same person who's been drugging our food?" 

"What about the rest of the story?" PTG frowns. 
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From: Jenifer (Zarknorph)

5/19/18

PAGE 15 CONTINUED

RANDY

All dis loonie tunieys goin on here I plum forgots she is an Eel and kin no be out of water fer so long     SHES ALIVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE and my mind is crsytal clear as a bell , I lay Eelie back in the water because she needs to breath but I can not let go Jen you can stop looking at me like you want to hang bells ,balls, Santa Hats, 
snow balls, snow globes, in my hair grab a Blood Loutus slap it on my nose , rope in my mouth, and think you be Mrs. Claus in your smelly new sea food platter get up and ride out of here , now snap to it and get that bottel I need a new home for Eellie till we get back to camp, yes I can get us back just DO NOT EAT OR DRINK A THING till we are safe in the tunnels, I also need some rope , some of that lace, a cork, and the cork screw,and the string from that bow oh and I need a pouch, I sit in the smelly water with poor Ellie telling her hang on they should be back in a jiffy with what I need for your temp home till I can get you back to The Overgrown Pound and back with your friends, I am sure the mermaid, the monkey , the butterfkies, even the caterpillar and lizard miss you as much as you miss them and the water is clean,, memory flooding back and it hits me hard, this is exactly like the other dimintion Murk captured me and threw me in, so there are more than one and that evil doer is up to his old tricks trying to get his powers back and rule MC Land well he will have to go through me and the troops,, I hear runing feet oh good , hold on Ellie there are close.....

GRIM

I cheer up a bit at the thought of five - count 'em, five - keyboards hooked up all at once, and twice that many monitors. (Spares in the closet don't count!) All right, current inventory: I have one phone and a laptop. The backpack has a second laptop, two USB drives, the bundle of cables, and my MP3 player. Now that I'm calming down, I see that much of the small equipment turns out to be simply scattered, and soon Jenifer and PTG help me root through the snowy thicket as if it were an HOS - wait, it IS an HOS! - looking for mice (of a technologic nature), USB drives, web cameras, pen, microphones and more. 

Then I make a list for myself. Wickerbat, last seen in the Dark Tower. Cash, last seen exiting the Winter Garden with Jenifer and Randy but now whereabouts unknown. He still does not answer the phone, but I take some comfort in that he has not used the flinxing app. 

"I recommend you use the Confessional if you want to get to that secret evil lair," I tell them. "I don't trust the Cloud City entrances." I boot up the laptops to see if I am still connected to the Castle wifi. Things are looking better yet! While it's not full access, I can still get into much of the Castle's audio, visual and data systems. 

"Wait," says Jenifer, "you sound like you're not coming with us." 

"I'm going to the Dark Tower to look for Wickerbat." 

"Wha-! How did you reach a high enough level for the Dark Tower?!" 

"Shh, I'm still only level 39. There are always other ways. Now unfortunately the printer was one of the casualties here, but if you leave this application running it's got the floor plans showing all the tunnels for the Castle, Town, Cloud City and the Dark Tower. Forest isn't included in this list, but PTG's getting pretty good with that bench and can maybe give you a lift." I hand Jenifer the second laptop. 
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