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I AM JUST HOPING JEN WREN HEARD ME AND SHOWS UP. IF OPAL EVER FOUND OUT I WAS STUFFING ALL THE DYNAMITE IN A COUPLE OF SALTY'S OLD WHISKY BARRELS BELOW HER KITCHEN THE ENTRANCE IS JUST BEFORE YOU GET TO THE PANTRY PAST THE STOVE, I MAY NEVER GET DECENT COFFEE AGAIN. BUT IF JEN COMES SHE WILL KNOW IT IS THERE. THAT GIRL CAN SMELL DYNAMITE. I SWEAR SHE CAN. IF NOT THEN THE CAP CAN HAVE A BUNKER BUILT TO PUT IT IN. FOR NOW IT IS SAFE.
COOL AND DRY AND SAFE.
ANGEL SITS WITH ME AND LISTENS TO CHARLIE'S REPORT OF WHAT HAS BEEN DONE ,,, WHAT IS BEING DONE SAND WHAT WILL IS GOING TO BE DONE.\
FANTASTIC EXULTANT PERFECT I SAY BETWEEN MOTH FULLS ... I DID NOT REALIZE I WAS THAT HUNGRY BUT MISS KATT AND OPEL KNOW ME WELL.
ANGEL LOOKS AT OPEL AS SHE SETS A PLATE IN FRONT OF HER ,, ANGEL SAYS THANK YOU OPEL BUT I AM NOT HUNGRY YOU HUSH CHILD AND EAT WHATS I PUT OF FRONT OF YOU ,,,, YOU NOTHING BUT SKIN AND BONE NOW YOU DIG IN I MADE YOUR FAVORITE ,,,, RIB EYE STEAK DONE AS YOU LIKE CREAMY MASHED POTATOES AND PEAS NOW EAT.
I START TO READ AS ANGEL EATS LOL SHE IS EATING LIKE IT IS HER FIRST MEAL IN YEARS BLESS HER LILL COTTON WHITE SOCKS
CHARLIE HERE TAKE THIS WITH MY DEEPEST THANKS,
HER CHIN ALMOST DROPS TO THE FLOOR AS SHE LOOKS IN THE BAG AND SEES THE GEMS.
I KNOW YOU PAID THE GNOMES AND I KNOW YOU SPEND NOTHING ON YOURSELF BUT USE THE GEMS TO BUY THE ZOO THERE TREATS NOW YOU CAN BE SURE THEY WILL HAVE THEM AND IF YOU RUN SHORT DO NOT WORRY MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM.
ANGELS PUSHES HER PLATE AWAY WIPES HER MOUTH ON HER NAPKIN AND LEANS BACK WITH A HUGE SMILE.
GOOD RIGHT I ASK HER ? SHE NODS OH YA
I HAVE MADE A BUNCH OF NOTATION SO YOU READY?
SHE GRABS HER MAGIC PEN AND WE SPEND HOURS ME TALKING HER WRITING.
WE STOP ONLY TO QUENCH OUR THIRST AND STRETCH OUR LEGS.
WE CAN HERE THE WORKS HARD AT IT AND I SMILE KNOWING EVERY THING I ASKED FOR IS BEING DONE.
ALL TUNNELS WILL BE TAKEN CARE OF BY OUR RESIDENT BLOWER UPPER AND I KNOW HOW JEN LOVES MAKING THINGS GO BOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
I LEAN OVER TO ANGEL AND SAY KEEP THIS TO YOU FOR NOW OK?
I WILL NEED A DISTRACTION AS I LEAVE FOR A BIT ,,, IF ANYONE ASKS I AM IN MY CABIN GOING OVER WHAT WAS BROUGHT UP FROM THOSE ROOMS AND AM NOT TO BE DISTURBED,
OKAY SHE SAYS WITH RAISED EYEBROWS.
I SLIP OUT THE BACK DOOR AND HEAD TO SPEAK TO CHARLIE,
I FIND HER AS ALWAYS TAKING CARE OF THE ZOO.
CHARLIE TAKE A BREAK A MINUTE...... I POUR HER A FRESH CUP OF COFFEE AND A HONEY RUM FOR ME,
WE GO OVER THE ORDERS I GAVE HER TO GIVE TO THE WORKERS,,, NOW YOU MADE IT CLEAR ABOUT THE ROOMS DOWNSTAIRS AND GRIMS?
AND THAT THEY WILL JOOSE THERE TUNNELS?
I NOW S MIDGE IS NOT HAPPY BUT I HAVE PLANS FOR A BETTER WAY FOR THEM TO MOVE AROUND AND GET THERE NEEDS IT WILL BE BIGGER BETTER AND MUCH SAFER AND I AM SURE THEY WILL BE HAPPY.
NOW I AM GOING TO LOOK OVER WHAT YOU PIT IN MY CABIN SO MAKE SURE I AM NOT DISTURBED EVEN TO EAT I WILL EAT WHEN I AM DONE.
I KNOW OPEL WILL BE P**** AT ME BUT THIS IS IMPORTANT.
I MAKE SURE NO ONE IS AROUND AND I HEAD TO THE OPEM FIELD.
FROST AND SNOW ARE RESTING WAITING FOR ME KNOWING I WAS COMING.
**** RIDER***** WARRIOR******
COME JOIN ME AS WE SIT FACING EACH OTHER AS WE CHANT
OUR CHANT IS CARRIED ON BUTTERFLY WINGS OVER THE STREAMS AND BROOKS ,,, OVER TREE TOPS OVER THE CASTLE TOWERS PAST THE DARK TOWER ON TO THE ELVIN FOREST,,,,
WE HEAR THE WIND SOFT AND GENTILE AS IT BRUSHES THE DRAGONS HEAD AND MY CHEEKS SHE IS HERE.
WE OPEN OUR EYES AND LOOK UP AND WE SEE OUR BELOVED LADY.
THE DRAGONS SPREAD THE HUGE WINGS AND BOW THERE HEAD AS I RAISE MY SWORD CROSS MY HEART AND BOW MY HEAD.
IN HER SWEET SING SONG VOICE SHE GREETS FROST AND SNOW.. HELLO MY BEAUTIES GOOD TO SEE YOU,,, THEY BOTH ANSWER IN THERE DRAGON RUMBLE,,, AW MY SWEET WARRIOR CAPTAIN RANDY I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU.
I FIND IY HARD TO SPEAK TO SUCH A VISION OF PURENESS AND BEAUTY.
MY LADY MY HEART IS FILLED I HAVE MISSED OUR TALKS SO.
I ALSO BUT YOU ARE IN MY THOUGHTS AND HEART AND WE KNOW EVERYTHING THAT HAS BEEN GOING ON ,,, THE BATTLE YOU ARE FACING IS A GREAT ONE AND AS YOU KNOW WE CAN ONLY GUIDE NOT INTER FER SO YOUR TIME TO SPEAK TO ME IS AS IT SHOULD BE,
YOU KNOW KNOW YOU ARE FIGHTING THE LORD OF DARKNESS AND THAT YOU AND YOURS HAVE STOPPED HIS ARMY OF EVIL ONCE AND HE IS NOT GOING TO STOP AND AS YOU KNOW HE IS TRYING TO BUILD ANOTHER ARMY ,,,HE IS ALSO TRYING TO USE HIS MIND POWERS ON YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS AND WHO YOU THOUGHT WERE YOUR ENEMIES BUT ARE REALLY ON YOUR SIDE,
HE HAS MANAGED AS YOU KNOW TO TURN A FEW INTO SHADOWS BUT THEY ARE NOT LOST AND CAN BE SAVED,
HE IS ALSO THE REASON YOUR PTG IS IN HIS PRESENT CONDITION BUT HE IS SAFE HIS MIND IS TO STRONG FOR HIM TO CONTROL SO HE IS IN WHAT YOU WOULD CALL LIMBO... HE IS ALSO THE REASON YOU CAN NOT FIND YOUR ROO OR YOUR GRIM BUT ALSO ARE SAFE.
HE HAS MANAGED TO OPEN A THIRD PORTAL BUT THAT WAS A MISTAKE FOR IT LEADS TO MORE HELP FOR YOU.
IN ORDER TO COMPLETELY BOCK HIM FROM ENTERING THE PORTALS BUT WILL BE SAFE FOR YOUR USE THE COUNSEL HAS MADE A POTION FOR YOU TO USE ON THE PORTAL THAT WILL SEAL THEM FROM HIM AND ALLOW YOUR USE OF THEM IF YOU NEED THEM.
NOW RETURN AND SEND ME GRIFF AND HE WILL RETURN WITH THE POTION AND THE ELEVEN CHANT YOU MUST USE.
GO MY BRAVE WARRIOR AND MY TWO BEAUTIES WE SHALL TALK SOON.
I SMELL A THOUSAND GARDENS AND HEAR THE TINKLE OF WINGS AS SHE LEAVES.
I HUG FROST AND SNOW AND RETURN TO THE TEA ROOM FEELING LIKE A NEW MAN READY FOR BATTLE
I PASS THE ZOO IN CLOSER AND TELL CHARLIE I AM BACK AND MAY I SPEAK TO GRIFF.
HE IS HUNTING BUT SHOULD NOT BE LONG SIT I NEED A SMALL BREAK AS SHE LAYS DOWN HER BRUSH DOOGIE BAYS HE DOES LOVE HER BRUSHING HIM... WHAT A HANDSOME FELLOW HE IS NOW MAYBE WE CAN FIND HIM A MATE I WINK AT HIM..
HURMPH SAYS CHARLIE GOOD LUCK WITH THAT AND DON;T YOU THINK I HAVE ENOUGH NOW?
I CAN TELL BY THE TWINKLE IN HER EYES SHE WOULD LOVE THAT A MATE FOR DOOGIE AND LILL ONES T FOLLOW
GRIFF RETURNS AND I TELL HIM HE IS NEEDED,,, HE IS GONE AS SOON AS I FINISH.
BACK AT THE TEA ROOM THERE IS ANGEL JUST AS I LEFT HER .
I AM BACK AS SHE JUMPS FOR I STARTLED HER ,,,
I FILL HER IN AS MUCH AS I CAN AND SAY THE BATTLE BEGINGS
I am cold. Icy cold. I have never been so cold in my life
And I can see nothing. Just blackness and more blackness of such an intensity that I can only imagine exists in the outer realms between our worlds.
And I think to myself: perhaps that is where I am?
I try to move but am immobile; pinioned inside a warped metal structure that defies description.
My senses tell me that I am not even horizontal as I can feel the blood coursing through my veins as it rushes to my head.
I must do something or else I am going to die!
But what to do?
Counting to ten does nothing to improve my ever increasing panic, but by accident I take a deep breath and begin to cough and splutter.
In doing so I surface into consciousness and once again find my senses.
Touch? I am still pinioned to the warped structure of a hospital cot.
Taste? My mouth tastes like an unwashed sewer, exacerbated by large burps coming from empty innards!
Hearing? A cacophony of noises is coming from below me. Human noises! People are shouting and clearing away what is obviously rubble. And the noises are getting closer, until someone calls out in a language I can understand: “There the poor fellow is. Get him out before the whole structure collapses!”
Smell? I can now sense the distinctive smell of cordite along with the elements of charred wood and brick dust.
Sight? I finally try to open my eyes and see the heavens’ constellations twinkling before me. The night sky.
But this sight is framed by a jagged fretwork that comprises a large hole in both a fragmented ceiling above me, a missing wall alongside me and, what is most disconcerting: a floor exposed below me as well.
I am in trouble!
I now begin to remember!
I was just returning to the Special Room with important news when I was the subject of an unprovoked attack by our large beefy cook wielding a skillet that landed on my head.
Then the enforced peacefulness of oblivion.
Does nothing change in my life?
My broom is utterly useless in an emergency and will only defend itself.
But who could have had such a devastating current effect whilst I was “elsewhere”
Roo? But she would not have been so profligate with our dwindling resources.
That leaves Jen, who must have found me and given me a special welcome with lashings of dynamite.
Well two can play at that game!
I contact Credit Card Central and say that I am Cap’n Randy and that I have mislaid my Credit Card.
Then I contact Kayley to say that Jen is out of cash so no more fripperies.
Whatever she is currently wearing will have to do. There are some plastic bin liners at the bottom of my precarious cot.
Speech? I can now speak through parched lips, so I shout: “You female harridans. Just look at what you have done to me between the two of you!
It is then that I have the ability to look down and see the tattered fragments of my huggie jacket barely covering the essentials of my masculinity (or what is left of them after such pyrotechnic shocks to my poor body!)
I now have feet on ‘terra firma’ and able to skirt the large hole in the floorboards in the Tea Room.
Charlie, as practically minded as ever, hands me a coverall so I can be seen in company again.
I am surrounded by small workmen scurrying around me and patching the holes so recently developed. It is remarkable how efficient they are, especially when untold wealth in the form of diamonds as well as decent food is put before them.
The floor is whole and safe once more and the central table restored to it rightful position with our individualised chairs around it. The antimacassar on Angel’s is a bit skew-whiff but that is normal for her. There is however a vacant chair – the one belonging to my nemesis!
Has she chickened out and refuses to own up to our demise?
No – she would brazen it out and convince everyone that it was my fault for being missing in the first place.
So where can she be?
Anyway, I need to be brought up to date with the recent deeds or misdeeds of the others while I have been elsewhere.
It is then that in the corner of the Tea Room that I notice several small bundles of brown fur, shaking and shivering.
Charlie does not seem to be too concerned so I just give them a cursory glance.
They are rabbits! And I notice one in particular. Peculiarly this one has a floppy ear complete with a groove in it!
Rabbit PLUS dynamite? It cannot be.
But when I call out its name there is no recognition.
Stupid me – it is too young. But when I called out, its eyes lit up with the same manic expression that Hoppy used to have, especially when on a mission for Jen.
Son? Grandson? Even great grandson of Hoppy? It could well be. And if so its genes will tell me where that shap**** fashionista is at this moment. I do so want a word with her!
AS I ENTER THE TEA ROOM IT IS SWARMING WITH WORKERS FLYING ALL OVER THE PLACE BANGING HAMMERING NAILS FLYING FLOORS BEING FIXED BROKEN WALLS BEING TORN DOWN AND REPLACED WITH EXTRA ENFORCEMENT AND ALL THE WIRING AND LIGHTS BEING REPLACED AND THE CEILING REPLACED WITH INSULATED TIN AWESOME THAT WILL KEEP EVERYTHING COOL IN THE SUMMER AND TOASTY WARM IN OUR HARSH WINTERS.
MY HEART IS FULL AND MY STEPS LIGHT AS A FEATHER THAT IS WHY I SCARED THE BEJESUS OUT OF A HEAD IN BOOKS ANGEL LOL
I TURN AND SEE OPEL GIVING DRINKS TO THE WORKERS AS I GRAB HER AND BEAR HUG HER AND KISS HER EBONY CHEEKS,,, GOOD THINK HER FRYING PAN WAS IN THE KITCHEN OR MY FACE WOULD BE FLAT AS A PANCAKE LOL
SHE SPAT OUT A STRING OF CREOLE THAT I AM SURE WOULD HAVE MADE EVEN ME BLUSS,
SHE LAUGHED AND SMACKED MY ARM AS I FAKED AN OUCH,,, MISS KATT WALKED OUT OF THE KITCHEN WITH PLATES OF SNACKS FOR THE WORKERS WELL THEY WENT FLYING AS I SWOOPED HER UP AND TWIRED HER AROUND COVERING HER CHEEKS WITH KISSES
SHE SCREAMS TO LET HER DOWN YOU BIG BABOON BUT HER SMILE IS A MILE WIDE.
LOOK WHAT YOU DID AS SHE LOOKS AROUND TRYING T FIND THE SNACKS ,,,I LAUGH THOSE WORKERS ARE SUPER FAST THEY CAUGHT THEM ALL AS THEY WERE FLYING TO THE GROUND SEE THEY ARE ALL EATING.
HUMPHRH AS OPEL AND MISS KATT RETURN TO THERE KITCHEN.
I HEAR PTG GOING OFF LIKE A LOADED CANYON,,,,, WELL WELL LOOK WHO IS BACK,,, UM PTG YOU ARE KINDA BLOWING IN THE WIND THERE WITH YOUR DOWN UNDER EXPOSED AND I GRAB HIME AND HUG HIM TIGHT GOOD TO HAVE YOU BACK NUMBER 1 ,,, GET OFF OF ME YOU ARE WORSE THEN A LEECH AND NOW THE FAMILY JEWELS ARE #$%^&*()_)(*&^% AS HE GRABS FOR THE CLOTH CHARLIE GAVE HIM,
YEP HESSSSSSSSSSS BACK BUT LET ME TELL YOU THIS YOU FLIPPING IDJIT IF YOU EVER DO ANOTHER STUNT LIKE THAT AND PUT YOUR AMULET IN YOUR PANTS POCKET AND NOT AROUND YOUR NECK I WILL SEND A SHOCK VIBRATE TO IT AND YOUR FAMILY JEWELS WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT HIT THEM AND YOUR LILL SWIMMERS WILL ALL HAVE BABY MOHAWKS AND SINGING ******* WHATA RUSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH*****
NOW GO GET DRESSED AND MEET ME AND ANGEL IN MY COTTAGE THIS WILL GIVE THE WORKERS TIME TO DO THERE WORK AND NOT BE FALLING ALL OVER US.
ANGEL AND I HEAD TO ME COTTAGE WHEN WE HEAR AND FELL A HUGE KABOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM THE GROUND SHAKES AND BLACK CLOUDS FLOAT FROM THE BACK OF THE TEA ROOM
ROT ROUH THAT MEANS ONLY ONE THING ==== JEN HAS STRUCK-------
OPEL ANS MISS KATT COME SCREAMING WHERE IS SHE ??? WHERE IS THAT MANIAC JEN??? SHE BLEW UP OUR KITGHEN
TRYING TO STOP OPEL IS LIKE TRYING TO STOP A MAD CHARGING BULL.
OPEL OPEL STOP YOU AND MISS KATT ARE NOT HURT *** I AM NOT GOING TO SAY WHAT THE BOTH LOOK LIKE MISS KATT IS NOW OPEL'S TWIN.
THE WORKERS WILL REBUILD YOU A BIGGER BETTER KITCHEN NOW GO TO THE MESS TENT AND CLEAN UP,,, THANK GOD WE HAVE THE MESS TENT
I HEAR LOUD VOICES AND LOOK TOWARDS THE CASTLE GATES,,,WE SEE JEN EMERGE FROM A HOLE COUGHING OUT CLOUDS OF SMOKE AND SAYING I SHOULD HAVE NOT LITE THAT MATCH OH WELL ON TO THE NEXT ONE BUT SHE IS STOPPED IN HER TRACKS BUT A CASTLE GAURDE ,,, WE CAN HEAR THEM SCREAMING AT EACH OTHER THEN HOLYCRAPONACRACKER JEN HAULS OFF AND SMACKS HIM.
YOU??????????? SAYS THE GAURDE ARE UNDER ARREST MORE SCREAMING AND ANGEL LOOKS AT ME WHEN SHE HEARS THE NAME TARQUIN
NOW WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING DRESSES LIKE THAT??
WE SEE HM SLAP THE CUFFS ON JEN AND HEAD FOR THE DUNGEON.
I CALL OUT JEN DUCK AS FROST SWOOPS IN AND GRABS TARQUIN BY THE COLLAR AND HEADS SKY WARD WITH HIM SCREAMING HIS LUNGS OUT,
WE WATCH AS FROST AND SNOW HAVE A GAME OF SKY BALL WITH HIM UNTIL HE WETS AND DIRTY;S HIMSELF THE PASSES OUT.
FROST DROP HIM IN THE POUND ELLIE AND HER BROOD WILL BE HAPPY TO SEE HIM.
WE HEAR ANOTHER SCREAM AND FROST REPORTS HE IS SWING AS FAST AS HE CAN TO THE HARBOUR WITH A LILL HELP FROM CHOPPER AS HE NIPS AT HIS HEELS CHOMP CHOMP HEHEHEHEHEHE
JEN LETS OUT AN EAR SPLITTING SCREAM CAP STOP LOOKING AT MY BEAUTIFUL BOOBIESS AND GET THESE FRIGGIN CUFFS OFF OF ME.
SHE IS BAWLING LIKE A BABY ABOUT HER OUTFIT THAT IS LITERALLY IN RAGS AND JUST BARELY HANGING ON IF THE WIND PICKS UP SHE WILL BE IN HER BIRTHDAY SUITE,
HERE AS I WRAP M SHIRT AROUND HER SHOULDERS AND SAY TAKE ANGEL AND YOU TO GO ON A SHOPPING SPREE ON ME
OMG DID I SAY THAT??? OH I AM GOING TO BE SO SORRY I SAID THAT TO LATE NOW I CAN NOT TAKE IT BACK AND THEY ARE ALREADY HALF WAY THERE ***** GROAN**********
BEFORE I CAN GET TO MY COTTAGE AND HAVE A STIFF DRINK I AM JUMPED ON FROM BEHIND ,,, KNOCKED TO THE GROUND AND BEATEN WITH MY OWN SHIRT..... WTFFFFFFFFFFFFF\
I GRAB A SPITING BITING SLAPPING JEN AND THROW HER OFF OF ME AND YELL WTF JEN YOU TOTALLY LOST ??? THAT BLAST BLEW WHAT LILL BRAIN YOU HAVE CLEAN OUT YOUR EARS????
NO YOU $%^&*()_)(*(&&^%$#$%^&*()_+_)(*&^%$ CRAZY IDJIT VERY FUNNY ********** NOT******************
WE GET TO THE SHOP ALL EXCITED AND TELL KAILEY HERE IT;S ON DA CAP.
I WAS HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE NEW STOCK HAD JUST COME IN AND OH THE BUBBLES AND BANGLES ARE TO DIE FOR BUT CAN I GET THEM?????? NO NO NO NO I WAS TOLD THAT YOU YOU YOU EVIL SKUNK CALLED AND TOLD KAIELY I WAS CUT OFF FROM USING YOU CREDIT CARD I CAN NOT EVEN HAV A BUTTON SO WHATS UP FUNNY MAN ?? YOU STILL HOLDING A GRUDGE???
WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME AND SHE TOOK A SWING AT ME.
I HAVE NO IDEA IN HELL WHAT YOU ARE SAYING I NEVER EVEN SPOKE TO HER IN A FEW MONTHS....COME ON I WANT TO KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON.
I HEAR A ROAR OF LAUGHTER PTG JUST AS I THOUGHT.
WE REACH THE SHOP AND I YELL AT KAIELY WHAT IN HELL ??
WHO TOLD YOU TO CUT JEN FRON MY CARD?
WELL YOU DID AND NO NEED TO YELL AT ME.....NO ARE YOU SURE I HAVE NO REASON?? WHO CALLED??? YOU SHE SAID
REALLY WHEN HAVE I EVER CALLED YOU VIA THE AMULET??
I WILL BET YOU A BAG OF DIAMONDS YOU HEARD AN ENGLISH ACCENT???
WELL A SOFT ONE BUT I THOUGHT,,,,, I DO NOT CARE WHAT YOU THOUGHT IT WAS NOT ME AND BTY DID I GIVE THE SECRET WORD???
UM UMMM UM NO NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT AND SHE HANGS HER HEAD SAYING I AM SO SORRY CAPTAIN RANDY PLEASE LET ME MAKE IT UP TO YOU BY GIVING THE GIRLS WHAT THEY WANT AMD I WILL KNOCK OF 50 NO 60% OF YHE BILL..
DEAL AND NEVER MAKE THAT MUSTAKE AGAIN.
OKAY LADIES IT IS ALL YOURS/
YELPS AND SCREAMS OF DELIGHT FOLLOW ME OUT THE DOOR
MAN I NEED A DRINK BEFORE I GET PTG.