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I probably should. Man, I miss grilled cheese sandwiches. I dream about them...
So I'm very worried. I've been using the 2 mg lozenges and my gums have been sore in the area where I park it. I was reading the instructions and by this time I'm supposed to be having one every 8 hours or so. I'm having three to four a day. Not so good. I had only one yesterday morning and did ok. I thought I'd go without it today but was so uncomfortable that I popped one like a weakling. I'm going to do my best to not have any more today, just use my Lifesavers.
So...I view that as popped one like a strong quitter. You made a choice that was better than smoking and that is not weak. Just depends on how to look at things I guess.
I will say that I probably have lozenges left as they seemed to bother my mouth too. I found the gum to be not so irritating where it was parked. So every 8 hours would be 3 a day still so I don’t think you are too overboard. Trying to be supportive and encouraging here...You got this Tiny.
Is X on her trip? Can’t remember when she was going.
Have a good strong afternoon Tiny. Soon you will be off work and you can cuddle your pups and let it all go.
Oh, I bet x is on her trip! Totally forgot about that. I hated the gum. The lozenges aren't great, but they are ok. Working a lifesaver now and praying for the best. I haven't had pop in forever and I got a hankerin for one so I got a mtn dew in the cafeteria. Needless to say it's now down the drain. That stuff is potent! And I'm so bloated and full. Sheesh. I appreciate yyour support because I felt like I was doing well and now I feel sad that I'm still on the lozenges. I want off them, I really do. I just get scared. I don't want to loose and progress here and go back to square one. I know everyone here says take as long as you need but in this case I'm ready, well, sort of. I just need to save some of them for emergencies and jump in to the water and see that it's going to be ok. I need a mantra for this scared feeling. Got a mantra for me?
So I wonder if that scared feeling is still remnants of the addict? It is definitely much weaker right now than when you started but not gone. So when fear plays in my mind I do find deep breaths help. I also picture a strong core in there, something like a big old Oak tree out in the middle of the field, and I set my sights on it, take a big slow deep breath, and walk head on...put a bead on it Tiny. You know what that means right? Yeah...lower that gaze...focus...set your sights...put a bead on that fear right dead nuts center. It’s you or it. You are going in and not a damn thing is gonna stop you. You reach down and rub that Lily on your leg and know, just know, what you are made of. That fear is only one small part of you and you will not let it be in charge. You got an Oak in there. Climb it.
I am crying right now. For reals.
Ohhh...well, tears are better out than in. And when you’re done you’ll soar! Mmmhmmm. Sure enough.
And yes...it’s gonna be OK. I promise. Climb, jump in, soar...do it all. Life is short friend. Life is too short.
I do agree with that. Life is short. Too short. I admit it was a rough day having only 1 lozenge. I was pretty testy around dinner time. I made it but my husband is irritated by me, I can tell. He's being nice, of course. I felt like the lozenges weren't doing that much for me but now I'm realizing that they did. Even if it was in my head, they were doing something for me. Weird. Anyhoo, I went on a walk tonight with the dogs and saw how much the shadows are changing. The days are slowly getting shorter and soon everything will be pumpkin spice flavored. I think the winter will be easier to stay smober through. It gets cold here and dark too. Better to stay in and drink cocoa. The holidays will be rough though. My husband and I are both "orphans" and don't really have any family. It's ok, no pity required. His family ditched him and I ditched mine. Lots of therapy involved but we are ok. Sometimes it's better in life for you to not be around people who can't respect your boundaries or can't treat you like an adult. Thanksgiving is usually good, we get a barksgiving dinner for the dogs from the dog bakery. They make the best stuff. Christmas, though. Man, Christmas, my nemesis. Every time I have relapsed it has been within a few days of or on Christmas. It's a stressful time for me. Last year I gave it all up and stopped making Christmas cookies for everyone and their dogs I know and sending Christmas cards, among other things and it was wonderful. Very liberating. I'm going to have to do some holiday battle planning asap so that I go into this prepared and at the ready. At least covid has put the damper on holiday parties, potlucks and the like. I don't like those things, and there are smokers there, or it makes me want to smoke because it's stressful for me. Any tips for getting through the holidays? I know you haven't hit a year yet, but I imagine you have some insight.
I’m at 6 months, lol! Missed the day of too. Not so big on those day things. I try to be for others as I know it is important, but I often fail at that and hope for forgiveness. It’s never meant to be selfish. Just mostly fly by the seat of my pants through life and live in the moment and forget stuff!
Totally agree. Best to ditch folks who don’t respect your boundaries. I know that sounds harsh, but, at least not live with them is what I mean. It’s just a set up and creates ill feelings and being honest up front is best.
I just finished an article by an Infectious Disease specialist about his prediction for the Hollowdays. Grimm speculation I’m afraid as far as gatherings. I love Thanksgiving. I love too you treat your babies! Lucky pups. I love Christmas trees but not all the other some-day land fill items. But you probably knew I’d say that. I like lights. Lots of them. Have Christmas lights on my deck year round, the big old fashioned bulb ones. The season itself is special to me but also with a melancholy overtone. Usually exacerbated by the consumerism. Every single year I ask my family please don’t send me gifts. One sister has caught on and gives to the Humane Society in my name. The others....they are getting it and send me things like a new humming bird feeder or stuff like that. And I crochet them stuff. Blankets, scarves... I grew up with snow always there at that time and have only had snow on Christmas once since I left Michigan in 1987. Miss that part. Me and daughter have a BIG thing for us on Solstice. No use of power, just candles and fire and all that. Yeah. Pretty Crunchy style. Pat’s family is here in PDX and Christmas is always a big to do on Christmas Eve. Mostly fun and they are very low drama. I’m with you though on the liberating myself from most of the obligatory hoopla. Don’t send cards and all that. I get mushy and tell people I love them and miss them and spend time talking with them. So I like those aspects of it. This will be the last one before daughter turns 18. Probably gonna need a big tree. Maybe I’ll make little masks for the ornaments, haha!
Let me think about strategies for getting through them. I’m gonna need some too! Plus that is rainy rainy rainy season here and I don’t plan on not walking still. Gonna definitely need that.
Maybe almost your bed time. You did good today. Sleep well.
The hoolidays are the worst. My husband and I only really celebrate our anniversary, only because that took some effort. Not that we are jerks, just that love is a verb. And you've gotta love each other. I enjoy Christmas because of the trees and lights, too. I opt out of the presents and all that jazz. It seems people only give to charity one time of year and that's very saddening to me. We give year round, but.i think my expectations are a little high of others. Anyhoo, I'm going to come up with the relaxation plan of the hoolidays for my family and it's going to be great. I don't know what it is yet, but it will be. Now all I have to do is hang my Christmas lights at night again. We have a neighbor who will come over and critique if he sees the ladder out so we do it at night. He does that with everything. Always wandering over to tell us how to do stuff when his house, yard, etc. Aren't that grand. Just because I'm not 80 doesn't mean I don't know how to remove a wagon wheel from a mailbox. So when we bought our house there were white painted wagon wheels everywhere. Every time we'd trim a tree or paint the deck we'd find a new one. The worth one of all was the one center to our mailbox. It took us a long time with a jackhammer to get that one out. The neighbors told us the people who lived here before were terrified that someone would steal it. No kidding there was 2 feet of cement on the whole wheel. We yanked it out with a pickup at the end. So we give the wheels to this lady at work for free and find out that even painted they are with at least 100 bucks a wheel. I was thrilled, let me tell you. Stupid wheels. How's john? Your aunt? Did you plant your babies? I'm still trying to get off the lozenges, but am struggling.