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Latest Apr-3 by CHARLIE (charlieisr)
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In the midst of the pleasantries and festivities a second explosion erupts in the ceiling.
A lone figure crashes through and lands directly on the wonderfully adorned Christmas tree.
She spits out a mouthful of tinsel and holds up a small brooch in the shape of a stick of dynamite.
"Well, that was handy!"
I just happen to be looking upwards and just in time to avoid being speared by the crystal wand of a very large star spangled angel.
It is the piece de resistance of our tree that jet propels towards me.
I just catch sight of its rocket launcher and my male pheromones instantly gather that IT is a SHE
It is Arabella and she has succeeded in penetrating the Tea Room defenses.
I bellow: “SOUND THE ALARM!!
Putting the little red book to one side and slashing at the foul creature with my broom!
Unfortunately for me, my broom seems to be a coward and has retracted its length into a small stick!
I waft ineffectively in the air with it before deciding that only brute force and ignorance, regardless of personal safety, is the “order of the day” whilst my companions in the Room can prepare themselves.
I end up with a mouthful of pine needles and a shimmering tutu.
But where is its owner?
BONG! (in fact) DOUBLE BONG!!! as I am struck hard on my curly locks by a stick of dynamite!!!
It is at this precise moment that I remember my lesson learned long ago that electrostatic forces rubbing on hair produce sparks.
And one of these has just ignited the blue touch paper of the dynamite.
My last coherent thought whilst cuddling the evilness that has just descended is “don’t cry for me Argentina!” as it ignites.
To envelope us both in a tickertape of confetti!
"Pretty!" I get to my feet and adjust my tutu.
The confetti that was once the festive wrappings of all the presents sprinkles down like snow.
Snow that creates spot fires in random places.
"Prettier!" I smile, while people around me frantically search for buckets and fire extinguishers.
I notice PTG staring at me in disbelief.
Or possibly apoplectic rage.
Or he could have gas...
I shrug. "So, you want the good news or the bad news?"
PTG's broom engorges like an inappropriate erection and proceeds to sweep up random debris.
I don't wait for an answer, everyone wants the bad news first.
"I lost Grim. Last thing I remember we were eating pasta while on the run from some nefarious organization. She went through a door and I waited for about six months... but she never came back."
There is a sense of dejection among the room. I need to cheer them up with some good news.
"But, it turns out I'm corporeal again!"
I toss a lit stick of dynamite in the air and catch it with a wink and a nod.
"So that's good news, at least!"
I watch the sparks on the dynamite touch paper creep down as I hurtle towards the door of the Tea Room.
Clang!! It is thrust back against the door lintel.
I scream at Jenifer:
“HURL IT OUTSIDE!!”
With a flick of the wrist she tosses into the air.
Whereupon my noble broom, acting as a baseball bat, swats it outside and upwards.
An air and earth shattering BOOOMMMM!!!! as the entire Castle is shaken to its foundations
The Bells in the tower begin to peal and there is a horrific ROAR! as its resident’s dragon is woken from its slumbers and begins to look down on us with slavering lips.
I croak to all and sundry:
“Welcome back Jenifer!”
I flounce and giggle in my singed tutu.
"So what did I miss?"
Welcome back, Jenifer. You were sorely missed!
katiek (from my unseen and unknown hole in the corner)
Ears ringing or that the tower bells?
I slowly raise my hand following the stench of burnt hair yep I do not need a mirror to see my Mohawk is back differant his time because the spikes are covered in confetti and that means only one thing
KABOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM crash boom bang ,,,,, I am blown across the room and land up side down in a flower pot.
Oh great I have become a HIPPIE
I pull myself out spiting dirt and petals craponacracker
I watch as the confetti drops from the ceiling and floats down covering everything I can't help but laugh because it feels like we are inside a Snow Globe.
As my ears clear and eyes focus I can not believe my eyes ,,, standing before me is a singed crooked Tu-Tu and body adorned with bangles beads bells and tiny skulls and horns
Welcome Home Jenny Wren I see you found The Northern Island.
Hey where is Roo Roo I brought her a special gift.
I moan Oh Lord these two together spells HUGE TROUBLE
"The Northern what now?"
I scavenge for leftover Christmas wrappings and tape and fashion myself a festive halter top. The bottom half of the Christmas tree still seems relatively intact, so it is soon transformed into a lovely flared skirt, still adorned with tinsel and baubles.
The only thing missing is a hat.
Thankfully, at that moment, the star that had once graced the top of the tree dislodged itself from it's sudden new location of the ceiling, and fell into the confetti-filled, explosion-induced, teased tizz that was my hair.
I watch VERY carefully as the spectre from beyond the grave sits demurely before me rearranging her tutu with green foliage that must prickle and range of baubles from the tree.
She must have learned to economise wherever she has been for the last six months and live off the “fat of the land”
I cannot take my eyes off her décolletage, especially the shining snowflake steaming against her naked breast. But it never melts just gleams!
So I just KNOW that the person before me is my beloved fellow Musketeer returned to bemuse and befuddle us all once more!
Is she not cold?
There is still little to show that she has any protection from the elements under that concoction
Although eager for a chat I persuade her (if that is the right expression) to get some more suitable attire by visiting Kayley’s Fabric Shop.
So I surreptitiously slide Cap’n Bob’ credit card across the table with a wink and motion towards the door.
It is a well-trodden path that she skips along with a happy smile on her face and trilling some weird ditty she disappears into town. leaving a trail of pine needles and tree ornaments in her wake
Now to bring her up to date with our shenanigans, when she returns
Where to begin after our recent events? She is but a lowly Level 79 citizen with “tweaks”
I know! Use my ancient tomes recently acquired.
I can't bear to change out of my Christmas tree skirt, and decide to add it to the Spring line. I will just need to change the baubles to coloured eggs.
It is still the season, though, so with all the Santas wandering about it was quite easy to mug one and assemble a faux fur trimmed bomber jacket and have enough left over for some snuggy boots.
I keep forgetting it's winter here at Christmas time.
I crawl out of the hole in the floor that is the entrance to the House of Schpadoinkle Couture and wonder what to do next.
I figure the most logical thing to do is collect ammunition.