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Emma's journal   Quit Stories and Journals

Started 7/11/20 by Em (EmJ88); 1990 views.
Em (EmJ88)

From: Em (EmJ88)


I had a half-hearted quit attempt this week. It didn't last long. I had one foot in and one foot out. I'm going to wait until my week off work the week after next. I know it's just a 'but' - but I'll wait until I'm less busy, less stressed. Is my head really in it? I do want to stop smoking. Why do I give in to so easily then? 

I'm going to give myself this time to prepare. I might start to pray each morning. Please, allow me to be free from nicotine. To feel whole as I am, free from chemical crutches. To feel my natural state. To embrace it. All the clean air. The energy. 

I need constant reminders. Maybe that's what praying is. An earnest reminder to self. Of true desires and what is really important. Of true intentions. Of what I truly hold dear. 

I also need reminders of why it is so important. Nicotine is so sneaky. It's not staringly obvious that it's harmful when you're having one cigarette. It's the cumulative effect of the little ways it saps your time, energy, health, money... It all adds up. The nicotine monsters slowly rob you. It's little by little, and it's so sneaky, it tricks me and I think, well, what harm can one cigarette do? I've tested it though. I know. There is not one cigarette, it leads on to the next one, and the next. 


From: Elizaquits



I understand your thoughts on waiting until you are off from work, the first few days are the worst! It would be best if you could carve out a few days for yourself to just relax, sleep, and spend time not smoking! To your point, use this time beforehand to prepare. Read everything you can on this board/site, so that you know what to expect. On the left hand side at the bottom there is a quit smoking library filled with wonderful articles all fact checked by a doctor. Maybe even download an app - I have the Smoke Free app, they help you count down to your quit, offering tips and insight for each day as you do. 

Don't beat yourself up on the half-hearted quit attempts, we all have a few of our own! What matter is that you are not giving up! 

Since you are still smoking right now, maybe read the Alan Carr book people talk about. I, myself, have not read it in its entirety but there are a number of people on this board that have, and they always recommend it. I think there is a link floating around here somewhere for it.. What is neat about the book is that it is meant to be read while still smoking. 

You can and will quit! :)

Em (EmJ88)

From: Em (EmJ88)


Hey Eliza,

Thank you for writing and for the valuable advice, I'm really grateful to you. 

I've found the Allan Carr link and I will certainly be looking at all the articles on here. The app sounds like a good idea too so I will check it out. 

I think you are right about it being good to carve out the time for those wobbly first days and to use this time to prepare. Thanks so much for the encouragement. 

I hope you are doing well

In reply toRe: msg 3
Em (EmJ88)

From: Em (EmJ88)


Day 1 has felt good. I've felt like I've got a bit more energy and I haven't really had any cravings as such. I've had minor pangs when I've fleetingly thought 'I'll just pop out for a smoke now' and then recalled that I'm a non-smoker, only just a registering of the old habit, not a dwelling on it or craving it. 

I've been looking forward to this day, really glad that I won't be burdened by this addiction anymore. 

In reply toRe: msg 4
Em (EmJ88)

From: Em (EmJ88)


The start of day 3 of this journey, I have been waking up much earlier than usual. I've been using three different apps : smokefree, tobano and smokitten. They have been keeping me busy and motivated in the little times when I might have smoked. One of the apps informed me that the nicotine is out of my body today. I also started to read Allan Carr's book.

In reply toRe: msg 5
Em (EmJ88)

From: Em (EmJ88)


I had 2 rollies on the trot on Sunday evening - I think the first one was a bit of a blur, I guess I was focused on smoking it down and I might have been noticing that the nicotine etc was settling in. The second rolly, I tried to smoke 'mindfully' and notice what was going on for me. This is what I wrote, and it kind of brought back hazy memories of when I first tried smoking - I didn't like the taste then, it was a bit of a challenge to start... I'm glad to have stopped, I'm glad all of this is gone:

What a horrible acrid taste at the back of my mouth and on my tongue
That horrible sticky swell at the back of my mouth that I can't swallow 
That makes me feel like I need a drink
That kind of congested feeling that doesn't go away 
That discomfort from sitting on the cold hard floor
The dirty little butts sitting in the gravel, all soggy and disgusting 
That nasty smell
The smoke in my eyes, up my nose, in my hair, on my clothes


From: TinyBadger


I think its helpful to have your list of why you are quitting written down, on your app or memorized. When I get a craving, I think about the things you have mentioned. I hated stinking. When I walk by a smoker in the grocery store, they reek. Even with my mask on, they smell so foul. My teeth are starting to look whiter and my gums are bright pink. I'm exercising daily because I can breathe! I'm saving money and my health. Now when I see smokers, I feel sorry for them. I have never met a smoker that didn't wish they could *poof* make their addiction go away. They say that there is nothing worse than an ex-smoker, but I know that's only because we know it's possible. We know the joy and freedom that I'd possible with work and determination. Be determined, my friend. Hold on to a quit and stick around. The people here are ready to help. 

Em (EmJ88)

From: Em (EmJ88)


Good morning Tiny Badger. Thank you for your words and your support. It's such a gift and I really am grateful. I am indeed determined and I am here to focus my mind this morning before my first day back at work since I stopped 10 days ago. I'm saying Nope for today. It's great to hear your positivity and wise words Tiny Badger, you stay determined too mate and have a great day


From: TinyBadger


How's the quit going? You holding up ok?

Em (EmJ88)

From: Em (EmJ88)


It's going well, thanks so much for asking it's been a little bit triggering being at work, I have had cravings but they passed quickly.

It's like reprogramming: every situation/ place/ person triggers the old programme and a trigger flags up 'you have a cigarette now'.. I am determinedly reprogramming every time this happens ( I have been thinking about triggers and when they will appear in advance so I'm prepared). 

How is your journey going TinyBadger? I hope you enjoy your day today x