Formerly known as the About.com Smoking Cessation support forum, this community is open to all who are recovering from nicotine addiction.
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Good evening Suzy,
Your evening, my morning still. So...it’s funny to think about, time differences. It’s the same moment for each of us but yet by the clock we are hours apart. Not sure why my mind wanders to these odd things!
Im so sorry about all of the stress with your son. Poor fella. I bet he is overwhelmed by it all. The way you spoke to him meeting with someone for an hour or so and them summing him up and placing a label of sorts in that small time when they don’t really know him. Maybe Katie put it that way. Anyway...I’ve been thinking about this and it weighs heavy on my heart in ways. I think we have to have some level of trust in Mental Health professionals the same we do the ones who deal with our physical health. It’s so much harder to do though as the physical body is so tangible really, so unlike our psyches. I wish I had some kind words that would soothe you and your son. Take heart as much as you can that you both are taking steps to define health for him. Ultimately, you both will come through this space with such a deeper understanding of each other. Still....our children’s pain is our own. My heart is with you for what little comfort that can bring, I do hope it brings some. I’m very happy you found your way back here as this is very good for you to have this space of support as it is for all of us. We all grow from being there for each other and this space makes the world kinder.
So, your Mum. (I love that by the way, Mum. Seems softer than our Mom for some reason). Did you ever ask her why the Bourbon (or was it whiskey?) for the birds? And some thrived, eh? Interesting. I’ve raised a fair amount of wildlife over the years too. It seems injured things and my path cross a fair amount. I’ve never used alcohol. I did learn that rabbits are about the only creature that will actually die of fright, which I thought was interesting. Your Crow friend is interesting too. I had one of those a couple of years ago that used to keep me company while I gardened. I got him onto dry cat food. Figured it was mostly dried meat and grain so not so bad considering they eat carrion. Anyway, after some time, he brought me a gift; a dead mouse. I wrote about it in another thread some time back. Now I wonder, was it a gift or was he thinking I’d help it somehow? Hmmm. I do love Crows. We have Ravens here too, which are larger and a bit different, more solitary and don’t gather in a murder. I’m always curious about the wildlife in other places and will read about what you have there. Foxes, I know. Do you have Coyotes? We have plenty of urbanized Coyotes. I see them on walks at night. Pretty little things they are, quite skittish of people which to me makes them very wise indeed!
Ok...no clue how I got onto all that as I meant to write about Runes. I don’t put too much stock into these things, but Runes fascinate me because of their history. I don’t know what I’m doing with them mostly and I think it takes some time to learn. Most of this knowledge I believe to be in all of us, deep in there. Our world makes it challenging to tune into most of the time, but we all have inherent wisdom. Most fascinating to me of all is human’s seemingly inherent need to see or know the future. Why do you suppose this is so ingrained across cultures? A dear friend of mine is into Tarot. You asked why some cards frighten me. Well, frankly, the pictures look scary on some! But I’m fearful of any kind of foreboding thing. I think it brings cause for us to bring things to fruition that may not have been, maybe. I guess it could work the other way as well and perhaps give the chance to avoid tragedy too. But where does that leave the moment I’m in? Hmmm.
I think the thing I miss at times with smoking was how my mind would get all carried off on tangents while I snuck off alone, escaping behind the veil. I’m finding though that it is still capable and I can still escape by myself and allow it to wander in more healthy ways. Strangely, it seems to wander and fly more freely now without the smoke. This could be a very dangerous thing, lol! It was bad before! Oh boy. Ok have written much natter ado about nothing and still not given much reply on Runes. I’m just very intrigued by most things considered Pagan I guess. There is perhaps a lot we don’t know about Earth’s energy. It doesn’t scare me like it does some folks and I find great beauty in man being small specks in the great scheme. Ok. I gotta stop. Getting way off track so far that I don’t even know where I am,haha! Must mean it is time to walk and clear my head!
Hang on in there today. Embrace your recovery with peace and know you have more strength than you will ever know.
How has your day been?
It’s so brilliant you’re staying a non-smoker despite lots of stress triggers. It’s definitely progress and shows how committed you are to your quit that you’re not looking for an excuse to smoke. Smoking really would not help and would only bring you down - but you know that! ;)
I can only imagine how difficult it must be to see your son having a hard time and like you’re helpless to ‘fix’ everything. But I’m sure you’re making a huge difference just being there for him and supporting him to engage with therapy.
I don’t know much about EMDR therapy but I think it’s got a pretty good evidence base that it’s effective hasn’t it? I really hope it will be helpful for your son. There’s often that initial hump to get over when you start a new therapy before it begins to give something back. And as much as I like the reassurance of evidence-based approaches, within that there’s so much to do with finding what works for yourself as an individual. I’m rambling a bit but what I’m getting as is mental health is a really tough one and I really sympathise with your son and with you. Have faith that things can change.
Today is my birthday and I’ve had a lovely low key day. My daughter was at nursery and my husband and I had the day off work and chilled out together. I’ve had a couple of outdoor chats with friends, plenty of cake and now watching snooker :)
My profile pic on here was taken on my birthday three weeks into my quit 4 years ago. I went walking and swimming in Dover - I remember feeling glad I wasn’t having to struggle with lighting cigarettes in the wind!
Your boat sounds like a fun project. Seahorse is a lovely name - and really quite logical for a boat! When will you be taking to the high seas?
Hope you’ve had a good day Suzy.
4th March 2017
Thanks for your lovely message. You're right - mental health problems are so much harder than physical ones. There's no roadmap for recovery like there is if you break your leg or something. But he is much calmer tonight and I'm very grateful for that.
I never asked my mum why she put brandy in the milk, but I imagine it was either to help the birds relax, or perhaps because she thought it had healing or antibacterial properties. It could also have been a case of 'a drop for the birdy, a swig for me' - I have no idea, but that's certainly not impossible
I hope your crow friend brought you the mouse as a gift rather than thinking you might be able to revive it. I'm sure you're very good at saving injured animals, but there are limits! There's quite a lot of anecdotal evidence of crows bringing presents to people who feed them - if you Google Crows Bring Gifts To 8-Year-Old Girl there's a really nice story there.
Don't worry about your mind wandering off on tangents - it's a lovely thing, and great that you can still do it without the cigarettes. I miss the 'alone time' of smoking - just that little break from a place or people that cigarettes were the perfect excuse for. "I'm just popping out for a cigarette" seems more polite than "I need a break from you so I'm going outside for five minutes". But once I find a diplomatic way of saying it, there's no reason I can't get time alone without cigarettes.
Hope you had a nice walk, and thank you for your thoughtfulness and kindness.
Happy birthday Katie - it sounds as if you had a really nice relaxing day.
I spent almost all of it in bed! I was just really, really tired and I think it did me a lot of good (although it was a challenge not to beat myself up about being lazy and missing a beautiful sunny day). It made it easy not to smoke though, and that's another day under my belt.
Thanks for the kind words re my son, and I really am trying to keep faith that things can change. Setbacks do really seem to knock me, though - I think because I am hoping so hard. Still, at least he is currently engaging with therapy, and he is certainly better tonight than he was last - we had a really nice, calm conversation and I think we both feel on much more of an even keel.
Yes, lighting cigarettes in the wind, burning your fingers, burning little holes in your clothes - nothing to miss there! One other benefit that I always think about when I type is that I no longer have lots of ash all over my keyboard (yes, I used to smoke indoors - horrible).
It'll be really nice not smoking on the boat too - we had a canal boat a few years ago, and used an old mayonnaise jar for an ashtray. We only used to empty it when it was full, so you can imagine how stinking and disgusting that was. At the moment the boat is out of the water to make it easier to work on, and because of coronavirus restrictions we're not sure when it can go back in, but hoping for sometime in April.
Thanks for helping, Katie, and talk soon.
Happy birthday Katy,
Another year of wisdom added to your experience, Not that you need any extra wisdom you're already wise and wonderful which is evident from the quality of support you give to this forum, thanks for sticking around, many people are so busy with their new lives they forget where it all started. I hope I return the favour if I reach that far.
Have dropped the patch strength back to 14 mg today, we will see how that goes, if it gets to tough I can always go back to the 21's.
Took this photo this morning, I'm quite pleased with it, thought I would share
That was very nice!
I have always gauged my current quits against my past quits. Making this one last longer than the last one was a success in ways. Not being able to stay quit as long as I did last time was a failure. I never thought about it like this.
Yes, I got a lot from the excerpt too. I think everyone on here has been down the quit path more than once. We all know that feeling of “failing” and it just never feels very good. It makes it worse when we get up and go at it again to have those thoughts of failures and the fear of failing again hanging over our heads. So I think just going with what we are doing now and staying present and making it day by day and letting the past go and not being afraid of tomorrow is much more grounding and positive. You are doing well. You must be feeling some positive changes now, right? Those little victories add up and become pretty empowering. Keep up the strong work!
I am going to read that article soon a I finish this reply! Thank you!
Oh...yes. The little breaks. I had not had a cigarette with anyone for quite a few years before I quit as nobody I knew smoked. Like you, it was a good way to take a break from things and certain people at times. Now I walk and have no qualms about getting up no matter what time and saying to my partner “I’m going for a walk”. Would be a bit hard to do in a social situation though, and since the Pandemic, I’ve not had to deal with that. Maybe we can put our heads together and come up with a good diplomatic line to use? I say that half joking, but I did get a little pang reading your note and realizing I will have to face those situations again myself, maybe soon.
Love it...”a drop for birdy and a swig for me” Back in the old days, whiskey was about all they had for a pain killer before certain procedures, so, it maybe did at least make them more comfortable...?
Glad you’ve had a mellow and calm evening. My daughter has a good deal of anxiety. We went through quite a bit when she was 13, 14, 15. She did a program that involved DBT therapy. Twice. Things are better now and going well. This doesn’t sound quite the depth of the struggles you are facing, but I do know how it hurts to not be able to just fix things. It is hard to reconcile being a Mother and feeling so helpless at the same time. You are doing a fantastic, wonderful job not smoking through it. It must give some sense of empowerment for you to help yourself in that way. I hope so as it certainly should.
My walk was lovely. Was the only two hours I was dressed all day. Yay!
Have a wonderful Friday Suzy!
Happy Birthday Katie! A bit belated now, but well wishes coming over the pond to you still!
Please, no blushes necessary on the other stuff! I love reading the stories about you and your daughter. They make me smile! It’s nice to be on this end of parenting with my daughter coming into adulthood, but we all have such wonderful memories of them being your daughter’s age and hearing the sweet stories is really lovely. All the things you worry about are all normal worries. It shows you are a good Mum to be thinking and worrying about those things! I think you will find it is just as enjoyable in the teen years and that those years bring just as much delight as the ones you are in now.
Thanks for the bday wishes - it was a very relaxing day.
Good for you taking a day in bed. I remember doing that a lot in the first few months of quitting and being so tired and sleepy sitting at my desk at work. I think it’s a combo of reducing nicotine, which is a stimulant, plus the constant mental battle with the junkie thinking. And you’ve had the extra strain of worrying about your son. Don’t beat yourself up for days in bed, even sunny days! It’s so important to give yourself the rest you need to keep your quit strong.
I love taking naps, it’s been one of my favourite past times in lockdown. I’ve got a memory foam pillow and it’s one of my favourite possessions! I’ve also been listening to lots of gentle radio comedy on bbc sounds, very soothing.
I’m glad to hear you felt on a more even keel with your son in your last chat. It’s a long old winding road to better mental health but it sounds like your son is on that path - and with you to cheer him on he will get there (wherever ‘there’ is).
Speaking of keels - yes it will be great to be on your boat and not smoking and having to deal with #### butts! I used to have a jam jar by my back door - emptying out used to make me feel sick! That sour soggy smell ugh.
How’s the nrt going? Are you finding it helpful?
Hope you’ve had a good day.
4th March 2017