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Human Race Doomed (Bill Engvall)   The Jovial You: Humor, Jokes and Riddles

Started Jul-17 by WALTER784; 210 views.
WALTER784

From: WALTER784

Jul-17

Human Race Doomed (Bill Engvall)

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods. (Of course, you will notice I took the liberty of putting in my own comments at the end of each one! Ok, Ok...if they aren't my own comments, they're things I heard from Bill Engvall!)

1. On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping". (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair)

2. On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (Evidently, the shoplifter special)

3. On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how...? "Regular" soap vs. "Irregular" soap?)

4. On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestions: Defrost." (But it's *just* a suggestion)

5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): "Do not turn upside down". (Oops, too late! never mind... I didn't see your sign...)

6. On Marks Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating". (As night follows the day....)

7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body". (But wouldn't this save even more time?)

8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts. Ya think?!)

9. On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness". (One would hope)

10. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only". (As opposed to what?)

11. On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use". (And that would be?...).

12. On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts". (NEWS FLASH)

13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: Fly Delta)

14. On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company I blame parents for this one).

15. On the cover of a pizza box... open box before eating! (Duuuhhhhh!)

FWIW

 

and you know that behind most of those warnings, was a dumb plaintiff and a lawsuit.

Showtalk
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From: Showtalk

Jul-18

We are all going to eat a pizza box…

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