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Mother's Dictionary   The Jovial You: Humor, Jokes and Riddles

Started Jul-24 by WALTER784; 67 views.

From: WALTER784


Mother's Dictionary

Amnesia: condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.

Bottle Feeding: an opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2am, too.

Defense: what you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let de children play outside.

Drooling: how teething babies wash their chin

Dumbwaiter: one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Family Planning: the art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

Feedback: the inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

Full Name: what you call your child when you're mad at him.

Grandparents: the people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

Hearsay: what toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Impregnable: a woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

Independent: how we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

Look Out!: what it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.

Prenatal: when your life was still somewhat your own.

Prepared Childbirth: a contradiction in terms.

Puddle: a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

Show Off: a child who is more talented than yours.

Sterilize: what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

Storeroom: the distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.

Temper Tantrum: what you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.

Thunderstorm: a chance to see how many family members can fit into one bed.

Top Bunk: where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

Two-Minute Warning: when the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

Verbal: able to whine in words.

Weaker Sex: the kind you have after the kids have worn you out.

Whodunit: none of the kids that live in your house.

Whoops: an exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge".