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Lawyer Q & A Jokes   The Jovial You: Humor, Jokes and Riddles

Started Sep-23 by WALTER784; 70 views.
WALTER784

From: WALTER784

Sep-23

Lawyer Q & A Jokes/Riddles
 
Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
A: Your honor.
Q: What do you call a lawyer whose gone bad?
A: Senator.
 
Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline!
 
Q: In front of you stand four men: Adolf Hitler, Idi Amin, Saddam Hussein and a lawyer. You are holding a gun which contains only three bullets. Who do you shoot?
A: Use all three bullets on the lawyer.
 
Q: What is the difference between a hooker and a lawyer?
A: A hooker will stop screwing you when you're dead.
 
Q: What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A: The tick stops draining you and drops off after you're dead.
 
Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start!
 
Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.
 
Q: What is the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
 
Q: What is the difference between a dead lawyer and a squished skunk in the road?
A: The vultures will eat the skunk.
 
Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a skunk?
A: Nobody wants to hit a skunk.
 
Q: Why won't vultures eat dead lawyers?
A: There are some things that would gag even a vulture.
 
Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
A: The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
or
A': Vultures can't take their wing tips off.
 
Q: What do you do if you run over a lawyer?
A: Back over him to make sure. Then, make another notch on the steering wheel.
 
Q: Why do behavioral scientists prefer lawyers to rats for their experiments?
A1: There are more of the lawyers to work with.
A2: Lawyers are more expendable.
A3: Lawyers do more harm to society than rats.
A4: Lab assistants are less likely to develop a bond or feel sympathy for them.
A5: Rats arouse more feelings of compassion and humanity.
A6: They multiply faster.
A7: Rats have an inate right to life and liberty.
A8: Animal rights groups will not object to their torture.
A9: Rats have more dignity.
A10: There are some things even a rat won't do.
A11: They're easier to catch... just tell somebody you want to sue someone and in no time, you'll have 10 of them at your feet.
A12: So you can brainwash them not to run for political office.
 
Q: What are the disadvantages to using lawyers instead of rats in laboratory experiments?
A1: It's harder to extrapolate the test results to human beings.
A2: Can't find any human gunia pigs for lawyer extracts.
A3: The results are never the same in human species.
A4: Too worried about liability suits from the results.
 
Q: How many lawyers does it take to roof a house?
A1: Depends on how thin you slice them.
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