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what the hell is going on?   General Chit-Chat

Started Nov-20 by cleosify; 426 views.
cleosify

From: cleosify

Nov-20

Aloha fellow smobers,

It's been more than 3 years since I quit, I don't count the weeks or the months anymore and only the years seem to matter. I dont stop here every day either like I used to but it's always great to come back and check how things are. After all this time, I realize that addiction never goes away. The triggers are still here, they hide but they are relentless, why do I need a smoke thought every fay even after 3 years. Fortunately I just became very good at dodging but sometimes I just wonder if it's worth it. I wasn't able to motivate my wife to quit. Despite trying once and after 6 months she relapsed and maintain the status quo to these days. It's very frustrating and I'm constantly fighting, every morning, every night, after dinner, at the beach, driving ... smoking is still part of my daily life and I hate it. Somehow, I always win the battle but some days I'm thinking stupid and to tell you the truth I'm tired of fighting too. It's been too long to feel like that ...

Anyway, I'm gonna go for a run see if I can trump my mind. Sorry for the rant, I needed to vent and bring some rational thinking ...

G

Hi G,

I remember you when I was a newbie here.  You often came and encouraged others.  Good to know your are still nicotine free.  In answer to your question, yes it is worth it.  I do agree with you that the addiction never really goes away, especially for those of us who smoked for a long, long time.( over 40 yrs. for me)  The triggers do hide and then when something happens to stress us highly, they come out of the closet  and sit on our shoulder making suggestions.   I feel the same way you do some days.  I get smoking thoughts when stressed and see other people smoking.  But then I go and read the newbie threads and  again I am reminded that it is worth it.  Before I quit, I could not go 2 hours without craving a cigarette and puffing away-remember?  You don't want to go back to that way of living.  You have that monkey off your back -keep it off,

I think part of your problem is having the wife continue to smoke so every time a smoking thought happens, there they are-that pack of cigarettes.  

I hope you might hang around here and keep getting the support you need not to smoke.   It is an illusion that smoking will somewhere solve anything.  Believe me , some times I think the same way.  I would rather have a smoking thought everyday of my life then actually smoke that poison again.  This forum is my lifeline and yours.  Keep Noping.  It is better than smoking.

Hi G. Being Quit IS TOTALLY WORTH IT!!!!! 

I didn't like myself as a stinky coughing smoker. I was always nervously looking for a place to smoke or did I have enough time to smoke or constantly being so hooked that it became my main focus. I was like a nervous rabbit getting all stressed out when I wanted my fix. 

I now hate the smell of cigarette smoke. I need to stay far away from it as I feel like I'm choking when I'm around it. 

Having a partner that smokes is tough. My husband Vapes. He spends countless hours making his own Vape liquid and changes the filters and fixing all his gadgets. He likes it but I was allergic to the stuff so I stayed quit with the help of this forum and I'm extremely grateful for this every single day. I'm proud of myself for doing something I never ever thought possible. I still see how my husband is still at the mercy of nicotine and I never want to be hooked again. So, three years free is awesome but more time may need to pass till you forget those memories of puffing away with certain triggers. We need new happy memories as quitters so they over ride our smoking thoughts. 

You have accomplished something awesome so don't start Romanticizing that Nicotine Monster as he will ruin your life for good. You are an awesome example for your wife,  she needs to see you enjoying yourself as a quitter. If quitting was easy we would all be quit but we all need someone to guide us towards freedom. The best help you can give your wife is to stay quit.

"Quitting isn't for Sissies!" I quit poisoning myself Sept. 27, 2013

Cocoa60

From: Cocoa60

Nov-20

Good morning Cleo.  I'm sorry you are having these problems after 3 years.  It has to be the constant smoking close to you.  My wife didn't manage to stop but she did keep her cigarettes locked up for me and didn't smoke in the house or in the car when I was with her.  Not sure how long that went on, was years.  Stopping the poison smoke is that important, we both know it.  What would we do when neither of us could climb 3 steps without help or taking half an hour to do it?  Could go on and on with future problems.  We've both had relatives with COPD and lung cancer, also clogged veins that needed stents.  They stop smoking after surgery but then slowly go back to full time smoking.

My wife has changed over to vapor also.  I consider it a step in the right direction.  Don't know what they put in the vape but at least no carbon monoxide.  Only problem is people usually don't stop.  Continue to vape for years.

I go hunting with smokers few weeks a year and see the packs laying around.  Packs look innocent enough because you don't see the damage they do to people when you look at a pack.  I'm coming up on 11 years and wouldn't ever go back.  I remember how hard it was to stop and stay away from the addiction.  Keep up the quit Cleo, don't even consider going back there.

lm2015

From: lm2015

Nov-20

It's very frustrating and I'm constantly fighting, every morning, every night, after dinner, at the beach, driving ... smoking is still part of my daily life and I hate it. Somehow, I always win the battle but some days I'm thinking stupid and to tell you the truth I'm tired of fighting too. It's been too long to feel like that ...

Hey G,

3 years.  Congratulations.   That's a big accomplishment and you should be very proud of yourself for doing this with a smoker in your home and smokers all around you.  This shows me you have a tremendous amount of will power and strength.  

Remember, this is YOUR quit and you've done it.  You cannot encourage or influence anyone else to quit even by your wonderful example.  It is your wife's addiction and you have conquered yours.  Yes, we are and need to be always on guard.  You were right in coming to this safe place and posting your thoughts with us.  This tells me you are not ready to give up.  

I am close to 3 years and still have thoughts about smoking.  No craves.  Each time I have had a lot of problems and stress related issues, I remind myself that smoking will not make things go away; will not make this situation better; it is only a temporary fix that my mind thinks of as helpful.  Believe me, I've had a lot of problems in the past 2 months.  I'm going through a very tough emotional family situation now.  I will not smoke, but have thought about the times it seemed to make me calm down.  You know what?  I've had a rough day again today, and I'm making it through without a cigarette.  Don't need it and neither do you.

I would hate to see you throw away a 3 year quit just because you're tired of fighting the thoughts.  Try other options now to cope with them and overcome them.  Don't let people around you influence you to give up this great gift you have given yourself.  Just really watch them smoke.  What do they get out of it?  It looks ridiculous puffing on a stick with a light at the end of it and seeing dollar signs go up in smoke.  

Get your wife to smoke somewhere not around you.  You've come too far to lose this quit.  I believe if you lose it, you will regret every cigarette you smoke after that.

Please find a way to cope.  You can do this.  I remember you when I first joined the forum.  So come to us.  We are a team of quitters and we are your support system.

Laura

Quit date:  Feb. 18, 2015

Gersheps

From: Gersheps

Nov-20

Hi, G

I remember you from when I joined the Forum back in 2015.  I blew a 5.5+ year quit, and it took almost 40 years to quit.

One of the things that has helped me to stay quit is that I take the view that Cigarettes are not a part of my life.  Since March 2015 I have relegated smoking to the place where it was before I ever started: It's just something I don't do.  No ideas of whether it's positive or negative, no emotional attachment, no sense of disgust or hating the smell of smoke.  It's not part of my life, and even though I see others doing it and sometimes smell their smoke, it doesn't register with me as anything more than something someone else does. But I don't.  So in my life, it's really a non-entity.

If you can assign your wife's smoking to a similar place in your mind, it may help you to tolerate it without wanting to get back into it.  After all, at this point in time, it's something you don't do.

Steve

  • Edited November 20, 2017 5:42 pm  by  Gersheps
Noel001

From: Noel001

Nov-21

Hi!

Your message just helped me figure something out.  since I quit only a few months ago I read posts from people like you who have quit for several years and I'd automatically think. "I certainly hope that after a year or so a quit smoking forum is the LAST thing on my mind".  I want to forget about it. I've come to realize that is probably not possible and I can chose to accept that I may always think about smoking. OR, I can fight it until I get so upset that I go back to smoking in which case I will still always think about it. I remember that when I was smoking I craved the next cigarette equally as much as I crave a cigarette now. And in addition to craving even when I was smoking I  had the constant worry that I had cancer and the constant worry about how many years I had left of oxygen to run 5k's and play actively with the grandkids.  At least Now I've stopped worrying about cancer and when I do feel some breathing issues when in cardio I know that at least I've put a stop to the damage and there is no way that returning to smoking will not increase the damage. But mostly I just try to remember that when I smoked it was never enough anyways, I was usually thinking and planning the next cigarette. And I'm trying to accept that I've permanently and willingly damaged myself and going back to smoking won't fix that even though it feels like It would fix everything. Hang in there !!!! I am sorry you are having trouble and I hope you have a good run! I'm going to go run now too and listen to some music. Take care.

In reply toRe: msg 7
cleosify

From: cleosify

Dec-2

Thanks a lot for your support, you guys are awesome. I went for a run to clear my mind, once again coming to the forum helped me to put things back into perspective. I'm going through a lot of stress lately and it's way easy to negative self talk and forget how things were messed up at the time. What's amazing is that the compulsive aspect of the craving is gone and whether or not I would smoke now, it would be the result of a different thought process. It's not gonna happen anyway. I came to despise tobacco and know it won't provide the relief I'm looking for. Like Steve comments it's not something I do anymore but I can't stop my mind to look for an outlet to deal with anxiety, I guess this is just another phase of the quit. Again, thanks for your support

G

gtp1

From: gtp1

Dec-2

I too quit 3 years ago. My wife still smokes and it doesn't bother me at all. I was in a casino this week and the lady sitting next to me was chain smoking and coughing. That didn't bother me. I seldom have the urge and when I do it's a faint one. I think its a different journey for everyone. this forum, walking in the park daily and not paying $5.00 a pack has kept me smoke-free. After about 3 months I became so stubborn about maintaining my quit my urges turned to anger at the urge. I own my quit. I simply quit one day at a time.

You too will wake up one day and realize that it has been days since you thought about smoking.

Tim.......Quit 9/10/14

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