This community is open to all who are recovering from nicotine addiction.
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Written by one of our forum members, this "letter" is a poignant goodbye to nicotine addiction.
Thanks for sharing, Shawn.
How can I express what you've meant to me these many years? The bond we've shared has been stronger than any other in my life. You were always there for me when I was alone.
When I was scared, you gave me strength.
When I was happy, you shared my joys.
When I was angry, you fueled my fire with your own.
When I was hungry you "nourished" me and kept me slim.
When I turned my back on you, you waited patiently, knowing I would return.
You never judged me or held a grudge. You welcomed me back with open arms. You were practically my lover - we knew each other so intimately. You invaded every pore of me. Just the smell of you can set my heart pounding. The feel of you in my hand, so smooth and firm, makes my blood boil even now. God, I want you so badly. You and I have been together through so very much.
How can I tell you I have to go? I'll just do it... This is "Goodbye." I love you and I always will, but this is killing me. It's not healthy and I'm beginning to see that now. I have changed, grown, but you have stayed the same. We've been going in different directions for a while, and I just haven't been able to admit it to myself. Now I can.
You’re giving me wrinkles on my face. You take my money. You make my breath smell bad and my teeth yellow. None of my friends like you and look what you've done to my mother-in-law and grandfather! I won't be your victim any longer.
I've hidden from my friends when I was sneaking around with you. I can't take you anywhere in public without you embarrassing me. I can't count the number of times I have told my children to wait so I could go see you. You are not more important than my children.
I am so angry at myself for putting your first. You had such a hold on me. Even when I was sick, you called me, and I came without question.
Breaking the Chains
I feel like I’m losing myself to you. We've always been together. Is there a "me" without you? Surely there is. I bet she's someone you wouldn't recognize. You always thought I was weak and I'd be back, but I'm not weak anymore.
I'm discovering how strong I really am. I can go and not look back, except on those lonely, rainy nights when the kids are in bed, and I drag out those old pictures of us together. I'm sure you know I'll miss you. It's not like these last 14 years have meant nothing to me. But my future means more. I must do what's right for me now.
Letting you go hurts more than I can describe. I lay here at night thinking of you and missing you so badly. Every time something makes me angry I just want to go to you. I actually have a physical pain in my chest and my throat tightens when I think of you.
I know if I just run to you, you'll take me back and make the pain go away, but only temporarily. You always want more of me, and loving you has become a vicious, self-destructive cycle.
I know that the pain I feel right now will heal and hopefully so will the other scars you've left on my heart and lungs. I pray it's not too late for me to give my body a fresh start. This pain will not kill me and that which does not kill me only makes me stronger.
Don't wait for me this time.
I know you'll find others to take my place; younger, more naive women to seduce. I may be tempted from time to time, but you can bet I won't be back.