The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.

Hi Drena,

La,la, I liked them both!

Hi Marge, hope you are having a good Day.

Do  vegetarians eat animal crackers  

Good morning Michele,

hopes this makes you laugh.

what did the horse say when he tripped?

Help I’ve fallen and can’t giddy up.  :)

Oh my gosh yes! I'm laughing! Some of these are just priceless! Thanks!

Hi Michel,

I agree.  Drena has some priceless ones.

Employer: We need someone for this job, who is responsible.
Applicant: Sir, your search ends here, in my previous job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I am responsible.

What a great thread!

"What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? - A nervous wreck!"

Hi Marge and sue, thanks for the jokes, I need my daily dose, it does help to laugh. 

 You know why you never see elephants hiding up in trees?

Because they’re really good at it.

DAD: Great news, son! We’ve saved enough money to go to Disneyland.
SON: That’s great! When are we going?
DAD: As soon as we save enough to get back.

What do you call a snowman in July?  

A puddle!