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Jokes   Jokes and Games

Started 7/9/18 by Drena2044; 104228 views.

From: DbAnne


I had to share this - too funny not too.

A monkey is smoking a joint

A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says "Hey, what are you doing?" The monkey says "Smoking a joint. Come up and join me"

So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey, and they have another joint. After a while, the lizard says his mouth is 'dry', and that he's going to get a drink from the river.

At the riverbank, the lizard is so stoned that he leans over too far and falls in. A crocodile sees this and swims over to the stoned lizard, helping him to the side.

He then asks the lizard "What's the matter with you!?" The lizard explains that he was up in the tree, smoking a joint with the monkey and his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in!

The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint.

He looks up and says "Hey, MONKEY!"

The monkey looks down and says "OMG! DUUUUDE .... HOW MUCH WATER DID YOU DRINK?!"

From: TinyBadger


So this pirate walks into a bar. He's got a wooden leg, a hook for a hand and an eye patch. He orders a rum and the bartender asks how he got the peg leg. 

The pirate tells him that he was out at sea and he was attacked by another ship. A cannon ball hit his leg and blew it clean off. 

He orders another rum and the bartender asks him how he lost his hand.

The pirate tells the tale of how he was attacked by a shark while in a dinghy, and it bit his hand off and ate it. He caressed his hook with his good hand as he spoke. 

The pirate orders a third rum and the bartender asks him why he has an eye patch. 

The pirate tells him it was a hot day on the sea and there were many sea birds circling in the air. He looked up and one of the gulls pooped in his eye.

The bartender asks the pirate if it made him blind, and the pirate says no, but it was my first day with my new hook!

In reply toRe: msg 409

From: SusanK1960


When I’m bored I like to call up Best Western Hotels... When they answer “Hello Best Western...” I shout down the ‘phone “Hello, ‘True Grit’ with John Wayne!” and then hang up...


From: Loreficent


joyjoyjoy  Oh…reminds me of pranks me and my brother pulled on the phone.

Did you hear about the two maggots making love in dead Ernest?


From: Anne2020


Very funny, and so true.