How did you do, Alex ?  Hope life is being kind to you.  Even Super Moms can use a break now and again.     

So, I feel like I'm hanging on by a thread.  I ran a bunch of errands at lunch, but I don't think I needed to, but I did any way.  Then, that took me away from work, so now I'm stressed about being behind at work.  And my husband has a conference this weekend that he wants me to be at with him all day.  AND the grandparents are leaving Monday and I don't know how I'm going to get everything done without their help!  Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for asking.  LOL!!

alexisfree said:

I ran a bunch of errands at lunch, but I don't think I needed to, but I did any way.  Then, that took me away from work, so now I'm stressed about being behind at work. 

I so get it.  Many times I think I bring about my own stress trying to do it all in as little time as possible. Sometimes I have to just tell myself to BREATHE AND SLOW DOWN.  I think stress was what made me self medicate many times.  Having to learn new ways to deal with it. 

Brenda (1sept19) said:

Sometimes I have to just tell myself to BREATHE AND SLOW DOWN.

Great advice!  I've been thinking, "Slow down, Alex".  But I haven't told myself yet.  So, now I am.  "Alex, you need to slow down.  Your smobriety depends on it.  People are watching you.  Put your oxygen mask on and breeeaathhhheee..."  Ahhhhh....so nice :)

I completely forgot about "slow down"!  Wow.  I need to be closer to the forum.  I had a huge urge to smoke yesterday.  Then the depressive thoughts came back.  Is this all a precursor to the icky 3rd month?  Because I don't like it.  Anyways...I thought I better come on here and type something in my journal because, yeah, I need to take care of my quit.  It is so important to me and I don't want to lose it.  With work and home life being so busy, I feel like I haven't had even one minute to breathe.  I used to do this thing where I would meditate in the morning and pray - not doing that anymore.  The girls get me up at 5:30am - how am I supposed to get up before that?!  I'd never sleep.  Maybe I can move my meditation to the middle of the day.  Or something else?  I don't know.  My leg also still hurts so I haven't been able to do my walking which I love.  And I haven't weighed in, in two weeks because I hate myself and have been eating everything under the sun.  Whoa!  I need to get back to the solution, quick!  Like the song says, "Order, disorder, reorder, over and over."  Ugh!!!

Hi, Alex. I miss you in our september group.

I am almost 2 months smoke free but the craves are very strong plus dreams that I smoke, night by night. It is been a torture. I understand that at the end of every months something is happening in our brain. Some receptors are shuting down. This must be a reason why we feel what we feel. Indeed we must stay close to the forum.

By the way. I start writting a lot in my journal I keep in my computer. I writte even one hour if it is needed until the crave is gone.

And the most important I must reward my self for beeing smoke free. I admit I forgot to do that for a while and I was depresed.

Hugs.

Michaela!  Yay!  Yes, we must reward ourselves.  Life is not a vail of tears.  It is only miserable if I make it so.  And I was literally CHOOSING SELF PITY.  Until it hurt enough and then I decided to change my behavior.  :D  

I went shopping with my husband yesterday - he's going to take me to a ball!  I get to wear a ball gown AND sneakers!  He and his friends are sneaker heads so they have a sneaker "prom" if you will.  I imagine it will be so fun.  At least to get out of the house and away from the kids for a little bit. 

I've noticed that I really like walking in the sun and listening to music - it is so meditative and healing for me.  I'm going to do more of it.  <3 

I really think there are things happening to my brain because I was in such a bad spot and then I'm not.  Maybe some of the receptors shut down?!  Yippee!!

alexisfree said:

I get to wear a ball gown AND sneakers!  He and his friends are sneaker heads so they have a sneaker "prom"

Oh how fun !!!  We will need pictures too .  Should be a kick in the old Patooty !! 

LOL!  I love you Brenda.  Will post pics!   

Feeling so gross right now.  Sore throat and coughing.  Its the pits.  I know smoking would just make it worse.  Just want to sleep.  Maybe the icky third month is upon me?  I have two months and two weeks - so it seems probable.  No real cravings to smoke, but just more self pity and anxiety and depression.  I drank a lot of tea today and I think its helping.  I also ordered some more of my fave tea online.  So that's good.  I may make some honey lemon tea tonight - that should help.  I really need to get some work done, but feeling unmotivated.  What's really bumming me out is the fact that I got a bad report from the doc on my cholesterol.  Its high.  And I don't want to take medication for it.  But at this point, I don't see an alternative.  I've tried for years to get it down with diet and even at my lowest weight it was still high.  So, do I just take the medication?  He's giving me three more months.  I kind of just want to cancel my appointment for follow up and not go back to him ever again - cause that's helpful right?  Ugh...