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Alexandra's Quit Story   Quit Stories and Journals

Started 9/23/15 by alEXsmoker (afrancis333); 42036 views.
Brenda (1sept19)

From: Brenda (1sept19)

Jan-21

alexisfree said:

  I liked being taken care of. 

Maybe your Dad was taking care of you in his heart by not telling you.  He wanted you to remember him as he was, not saddened knowing he was going away. Parents always try to spare us pain and whether it was right or wrong, he LOVED you and you will always be worth his love. Remember the good times and just love him for who he was.  The anger is normal but so wasted.  He loved you, Sweetie, don't ever forget that.

alexisfree

From: alexisfree

Jan-21

Thanks, Brenda.  I feel like grief, for me, is this constant underlying sadness that is always with me.  Although, when I see my girls or my husband or other things happen, I do have moments of joy, but things just will never be the same again.  

SusanK1960

From: SusanK1960

Jan-21

Grief is sadness.  Psychologically, it signals a change in your life’s equilibrium, a change you didn’t choose, so it brings a host of negative emotions and will continue until you get a new equilibrium.  

Just like this quitting smoking journey, grief will take patience, time, some white knuckle periods, some happy moments, etc.. 

Take care of yourself and let time be your friend.  It is true that each death you grieve changes you, so you are evolving to a new you.

“Sharing joy with others brings twice the pleasure and sharing sorrow with others reduces the pain by half.”

xoxo

  • Edited January 21, 2020 11:03 pm  by  SusanK1960
Brenda (1sept19)

From: Brenda (1sept19)

Jan-22

alexisfree said:

I do have moments of joy, but things just will never be the same again

I think this is true, Alex, things will never be like they were.  Maybe we find a new normal and it becomes our life until the next change.  I have found in life that change is the only constant.  It can be very scary not having any control over it and I do tend to fight it, but life will change again.   I read somewhere once that " Life is what happens between the laughter and the tears. "  I guess this is true.  I know that I get up in the morning thinking about Pete and I go to bed thinking about him.  Our sadness will change us but our love for them changed us also.   We will always love them, so maybe that is another constant.  I have done a lot of thinking lately, not sure I have any answers, but all in all, I am so glad that I got to love them.  I wish you peace, Alex and may we both find it.  Big hugs being sent to you.  

alexisfree

From: alexisfree

Jan-24

Brenda (1sept19) said:

Life is what happens between the laughter and the tears

I like this.  I went to talk with my counselor on Tuesday night.  It helped me to process the grief a little.  And she let me talk about him for a long time - that was helpful too.  I'm working on helping my mom with the financial stuff - that's a good distraction.  I have thought about smoking, but I know I don't want to go back to slavery.  I'm glad we're in it together because I don't know what I would do without a friend right now.  xoxo

Brenda (1sept19)

From: Brenda (1sept19)

Jan-25

That's good that you got to talk to the counselor.  Sometimes just having a place to talk and remember can be so good for the soul.  There are some days that I feel overwhelmed and then others I have peace.  I also take care of my Mom who has dementia, so that keeps me busy and can keep me distracted from my thoughts.  I also have had thoughts of smoking, but like you, I never want to go back to that slavery and wishing I could quit again.  I also am so glad to have you walking this road with me, I couldn't imagine doing this all alone.  I would have wished for us to not have to lose our loved ones, but so grateful to have you with me.  I am congratulating you early on 5 months of freedom, cause I know you will do it and to let you know how proud I am of you.  Your Daddy would be so proud of you.  Kiss that handsome husband of yours and those beautiful babies and William and know that many people are proud of you. 

alexisfree

From: alexisfree

Jan-28

Brenda (1sept19) said:

I couldn't imagine doing this all alone

I agree!  I was just talking about you to my husband this morning on the drive in to work.  It is sad that we must have a common peril in order to bond, but it is nice to have the comfort of knowing we are not alone.  A happy early five months to you too, Brenda.  We are fighting the good fight.  I know Pete is proud of you too and smiling down from Heaven.  xoxoxoxoxo

SusanK1960

From: SusanK1960

Jan-28

Hi,

A dragonfly, how lovely for you to share the spirit of your Dad with us, always on your mind, forever in your heart, as they say.

Even though it may seem trivial at the moment, I want to acknowledge you have 5 months of freedom from smoke, which is fantastic! 
 

Brenda (1sept19)

From: Brenda (1sept19)

Jan-28

Thank you Sweetie.  I like the new dragonfly, it's perfect.  You are right, we are fighting the good fight. Onward to 6 months....

alexisfree

From: alexisfree

Feb-18

Thank you, Susan.  That is very kind of you. 

xoxo

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