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January 2020 Ex-Smokers   Quit Buddies Unite

Started 12/3/19 by ModDee; 33907 views.
In reply toRe: msg 589
Majomar

From: Majomar

May-2

Does it get worse before it gets better...?

Majomar

From: Majomar

May-3

DebraAnne,

wasn't your four months a few days ago? :)

I'm sorry I didn't' write earlier - congratulations!

Majomar

From: Majomar

May-3

Nomo,

I hope you're doing OK.

Let us know when you find time.

DebraAnne60

From: DebraAnne60

May-3

Hi Majomar, great to hear from you.  I hope you are doing ok and your quit journey is moving along.

Cheers

DebraAnne60

From: DebraAnne60

May-6

Well, it looks like it is just the two of us for January 2020 quitters.  

How are you doing with your quit? 

Majomar

From: Majomar

May-6

Hi... It's been hard lately,I wrote on December group about some of my struggles.

I wasn't dealing with my grief properly, it just hit me hard. I feel as if I was trying to quit both for myself and for my mother, who is not here anymore. 

Spring brought new triggers. There is a part in the house were I used to sit with her and smoke and we both dealt with family problems by sitting together, talking, trying to find solutions and smoking. So, I thing the triggers I deal with these days are the hardest. It's hitting with this enormous amount of sadness and feeling of being amputated. I was alone with my father for too long, with great deal of responsibility and... For years actually I've been stressed out about other's problems and mother's health condition especially. 

And I was trying to be strong for her and for everyone, completely ignoring, on some me level, the fact that I have to deal with it eventually, I have to really face the fact that she is gone. And that trauma I carry from the hospital and last weeks of her life is not something that can heal by itself. 

I also live in an unhealthy, chaotic and problematic society. I've been through a lot to get an education, and there is no work for me, existential struggles after a while really can be exhausting and it's hard to see the future sometimes... 

I guess it's all part of the game...

How are you doing?

I just sleep and eat and cry a lot and I guess that is what I have to do.brother came so I can afford it for at least several days. Than I have to put myself together and find a way to carry on. 

DebraAnne60

From: DebraAnne60

May-6

Hello, Majomar

I can hear you having a very rough time of it.  first, please remember that your mom is always with you in your heart and you can still talk to her in spirit.  I also no longer have my mom and dad, but I speak to them, particularly my mom, often, spiritually.  It is very helpful.

I think the isolation that comes with the Covid19 is adding significantly to your difficulties.  Hopefully, the isolation restrictions will be lifing soon and you are able to get out and see friends and neighbours to help put a smile back into your life.

Do you do any gardening?  I have found that gardening is a great way to get out of yourself.  Not sure what your weather is like at this time of year but we are slowly, slowly, moving into spring so I am planning on doing some gardening.  Do you have a garden?

Also, what is your vocation?  What do you do (work/career)?  Will you be going back to work soon?  Getting back into a normal routine is also very helpful for relieving stress.

Another thing I often do to put a smile on my lips is watch comedians on Youtube.   Some really good ones.   

Write back and tell me about your world.  I am very interested in what life is like in your part of the world.

Take care,

Majomar

From: Majomar

May-6

Thank you, DebraAnne.

Yes, my mother will be with me always, it is just... hard this awareness that she's physically gone, that's growing bigger every day.

For sure, the COVID crisis made everything harder, if I had anything else going on outside these walls and this scenery that became depressing, it would make a difference... 

This town I live in is not where I grew up, and I never liked it, I don't feel quite comfortable here, my closest friends live elsewhere, but a few persons I really love are here and it's true I miss them.

My background is in humanities. I don't have a job, aside from internship and some freelance arrangements, I never had it within my profession.

I studied in another country, with a much stronger educational system. Here, people in my field mostly have fake and paid diplomas and are politically engaged and ready to compromise themselves in order to get a job and that is how it works. I can't do that.

I worked earlier, underpaid exhausting physical jobs, I became a cook just to be able to work at least during the summer, but not possible now, I'm overqualified, and it feels like no one wants me ;)

I started studying a new field during this crisis, to be able to work independently, online, from home, and use my skills differently, but I cracked, I just don't have the energy ATM, nor will.

This house has two gardens. My father recently paid someone to make it possible for him to put some seed for salad and some vegetables at least and make a part of the garden useful, at least, because that makes him happy, he tried to do something, but he has wounds on his legs and it wasn't a good idea. We'll try to make some growing happen there... 

In the other garden, my mother used to work in, with flowers... that takes time and knowledge I don't have.

There is a disease that spread here, in that garden (it's not curable, it's a wider area that's afflicted) and we have to deal with it before any further gardening. I have plans with it, to do something, but I don't have the resources at the moment.

The house is big and demanding (problems with space and construction, and it's not finished) in terms of cleaning and making everything in order and taking care of my father and cooking. If I want to do something for myself (like study something and hopefully work) and do all that - it takes time.

This house took a lot of energy and health away from my mother, that is why I find it so frustrating, I guess. 

There are different problems I find hard to write about now... it's just a hard period.

Thank you for taking an interest.

I just have to survive this period somehow and then... it will probably get better...

I hope you're doing well! 

DbAnne

From: DbAnne

May-28

Hey Majomar

I hope you are still going strong with your quit.  We are coming up 5 moths done and dusted so, getting somethere with it.  I don't know how people survive without working.  How to you pay for rent, food, clothes etc.?  If I don't work, I will out on the street, a homeless person.  I see allot of people who don't work, or work only part time and yet have homes and cars, food and clothes.  Where does it come from if they dont' work??

Quitting smoking has become easy this past few weeks.  No cravings at all.  So I hope it stays that way.  Now have to work on losing the 40 pounds I gained over this quit.  Just have to start walking I guess.

Let me know how you are doing - I hope all is well.

Cheers

DebraAnne        

Majomar

From: Majomar

May-28

Hi, DebraAnne!

I've been wanting to write, but couldn't find the time... I'll just say hi quickly (very late my time) and write more as soon as I can.

Thank you for your concern! I'm still smoke free and the month behind me was the most challenging. I was 5 months yesterday for me, and little by little I think it is getting easier and I feel as the strongest waves" of heaviness, psychological brakes and non-stop cravings are leaving me, slowly.

I still crave cigarettes and have "eating" problem, but for the last 7-10 days there are breaks and periods of relief (it was literally non-stop 24/ every minute in some sort of crisis).

Where I live, it is quite different political and economic system, so there are no people living on the streets,  even if they don't have a job, but there are a lot of poor people, with extremely low living standards... It's different here in many ways... 

I myself depend on my Dad and his pension. I'm quite frustrated and we are having money issues (many people do, especially with this crissi)... but I dont' have a car, nor could I afford it, I don't buy clothes, I wear whatever I find at home (other's old clothes,) and really try not to ruin what I have and wear it for as long as I can (I don't really care for all of that, sincerely), I cut my own hair and do everything myself (that other women pay to be done for them), I don't go out, to coffe-shops, I don't go to restaurants, I don't go... almost anywhere, but we are doing better than many and I am doing my best to find a long term solution.

I too gained a lot of weight, but we'll manage, the most important thing is not to smoke.

Congratulation! :)

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