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Just Don't Know??   Quit Support

Started Jan-13 by 3Blackhorses; 670 views.
3Blackhorses

From: 3Blackhorses

Jan-13

Hello Everyone,

I don't know if this is the right time for me to try this again. I've tryed so many times over the last two years, and I have failed, over and over again and on top of the way Complex-PTSD can make you feel, the failing again and again is just about too much. I have been reading how many of you had and are making your way through this journey, I wish I could be as strong and brave as all of you that I have been reading about. Have a peaceful night everyone.

Belinda2019

From: Belinda2019

Jan-13

Hey 3Blackhorses - I live with C-PTSD too and I get where you’re coming from. It’s hard, damn hard to show up some days isn’t it?

I’m not sure how far along in your quit you are, but I just wanted to let you know, re quitting smoking, that you won’t feel that way forever, even if you just put yourself to bed for a nap you might find yourself feeling a little better afterwards. 

Also, if you’ve had a relapse, it isn’t the end of the world. This is a most insidious drug, and we’re all highly addicted to it. 

Try and get through the icky feelings if you can - I reckon you’ve got this. We’re all here for you, and we have your back xx

And a heads up - you are stronger than you think....after all, look at what you’ve survived so far....xx

JEM777

From: JEM777

Jan-14

Hey there,

I don't feel strong or brave. I definitely didn't feel strong or brave when I started this journey almost a year ago. I was terrified. But I was stubborn and angry at cigarettes. I was angry at how they stole my control, how I always thought about where I would get my next one, how being out of cigarettes was so anxiety-inducing that I would leave the house at 2am just to buy more. I was angry at the smell, the health issues smoking has caused, and how it never helped solve a single thing in my life.

I had a plan, a quit smoking coach, medication, and on day 2 or so, found this forum. I read everything on how to combat cravings. I have severe anxiety and major depression, but not C-PTSD. So I don't know if my experience tracked. What made me the most successful is keeping in mind what I was gaining, why I wanted to quit, and what my triggers are, then found ways to distract myself, mitigate my triggers, and stay motivated.

It's not easy. But please don't think you're not brave enough or strong enough. You are. You just have to believe it!

In reply toRe: msg 3

Hi Jem,

just read your post .  I also have been diagnosed with severe depression.  May I ask what meds you are on?

In reply toRe: msg 3

Jem,

I’m almost 5 months into this quit.  I was just diagnosed last week.   I don’t know whether it’s because of smoking withdrawal or because I had surgery.   Did you have depression before you quit?  I was perfectly fine before the surgery & quitting smoking.  I quit because Ihad a tumor in my mouth.  (Same day).  The surgeon said the tumor was not due to smoking.

JEM777

From: JEM777

Jan-14

Hi Lainie,

Sadly, I'm untreated as I don't have the funds for the co-pay for therapy. I'm taking saffron and the self-destructive and suicidal thoughts have mostly stopped, but I still have trouble forcing myself to be more social. I was depressed well before my quit, but it got worse after I lost a second job due to downsizing within a year. Now, I just feel utterly worthless and like the world has rejected me.

Your question as to what caused the depression is definitely something to speak to your doctor/therapist about. I know that quitting smoking does mess with your dopamine production (a feel-good neurotransmitter) and that can cause depression. I started my quit on Wellbutrin at the quit-smoking dose, which is half that of the depression dose. That was the most normal/happy I've ever felt, though they only prescribe it for 6 weeks for quitting smoking. Your nicotine receptors are still shutting down at 5 months. I started feeling like my new normal after about 7 months, and nicotine receptors keep shutting down up to and possibly past 1 year quit.

Please keep working with your therapist to combat the depression! I'm so glad your surgery went well and I hope that you're recovering well.

Jem
 

  • Edited January 14, 2020 9:10 pm  by  JEM777
3Blackhorses

From: 3Blackhorses

Jan-15

How are you today? I'm always amazed when I find someone else with C-PTSD. I actually don't feel as freakish when I do, there is someone else out there who gets it. I tripped up yesterday and did smoke. Yesterday was one foot in front of the other. Finally I stopped pushing and like you said, I had a nap. I don't usually nap due to the med's I'm on. I feel weak, mentally. However knowing that you have come so far, I know I just have to believe I can do this. I'm tired of feeling like it controls me. I have enough of that with the C-PTSD. Thank you so much for being brave enough to come out and say I have C-PTSD.  Thank you for your support!!

In reply toRe: msg 3
3Blackhorses

From: 3Blackhorses

Jan-15

Hey there JEM777

I have been reading your post's and you were good enough and strong enough to come forward to help me. Please know, you are not worthless and the world isn't against you. Although I feel the same on many days, there are things and people that remind you, you are worth so much more than you may be feeling. 

For instance, I'm new here to this forum. I am greatful for all of you that have reached out to me, even though none of you know me. When someone has depression and anxiety, it helps to know that someone else knows exactly how you're feeling, really feeling. I thought I was alone in this horrible monster, called smoking. We are all stonger together. It's always easier to say things to another person that you should be saying to yourself. I will read all of the responces I have had, when I have a craving, and will even read my words again. Like my Therapist says "self care"

Take care of you

JEM777

From: JEM777

Jan-17

Hello 3Blackhorses,

Thank you so much for your thoughts. I know it's anxiety telling me I'm worthless, but oh man, that voice is SO LOUD. I hope you know you're not alone here, in smoking or in life. I keep re-reading your post because it really helps me feel better. Thank you for that gift. 

Take care of you!

Jem

3Blackhorses

From: 3Blackhorses

Jan-17

Hello Jem777

I know that this anxiety, when it rears it's ugly and it's often, it's a horrible feeling. The thing is, when people look at you and I, they can't and don't see that everything is fine. We may look fine, but inside it's like an F5 tornado. You really find out who your friends are when you tell them why you have been acting the you have been. Over a period of weeks, months, mine all seemed to fade away, as if they had never been in my life.

I go for therapy and I am learning coping tools, and doing EMDR. Sometimes it's just not enough. However finding this forum is almost as good as having friends. We can't go for coffee, but at least there are people here who understand some of these things. Most importantly, No one seems to judge, even I trip up. 

Deep brathing and take care of you.

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