Formerly known as the About.com Smoking Cessation support forum, this community is open to all who are recovering from nicotine addiction.
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I’m glad you like it. It’s a bit of a mantra for me. A reminder...to turn around from whatever fear, whatever loneliness, temptation, anger, or sadness that I am facing, the call to turn around and be in the now. The breath...is the respect we carry, our essence of being and living in the only moment we truly have; now. Being present, with ourselves. Staying in the moment of now. You can do this Anthony. Take out the “if”. I learned some time ago that “if” is the biggest word in the world. If only... we make our “if” moment by moment, every moment. Our breath brings us back to the moment we are in. So powerful. Yes, our guarantee of self worth, with and in every breath. I like how you put that.
My day was splendid. Sunny and calm. Winding down now and out for an evening walk under a waning moon. Perhaps the surgery postponement is a blessing in disguise. Most of the time these things do turn out to be that, though still frustrating and disappointing initially. They tend to work out ok. You will be stronger by then.
Before I go for my walk, I have to look up what “Shut the Box” is,
I didn’t make the Ocean this week but have faith it is still there. You can’t hear the whales above water, at least I never have. There are lots of tapes of whale songs though. Reverent and eerie all in one those sounds are. Someday.
Tonight I sent my dear, sweet, Calvin off. Was peaceful and kind and heartbreaking. I miss him so already. He went here at home in my arms with Daughter and other loved ones. The Vet that came is a gift to creatures. Same one that sent his brother off a couple years ago. She spent a lot of time here with us, Covid be damned. Ahhh...the secrets that went with that boy. He was my most trusted. Hugo and Maisy are a bit young yet for some of the things I have to tell them I think. Was closer to Calvin than many of my human family members for sure. Daughter, being in utero when I brought those boys home, does not yet know life without him. As sad as I am, I am so honored to have had him a part of my life the last near 19 years. Such a gift. He had the most musical purr I’ve ever heard. Loved to dance with me he did, and I’d carry him around the house for hours at times. Amazing how time goes and leaves us memories and fading steps.
Anyway. I want to go see John but will walk East instead tonight. Has been a sunny lovely day and the night is clear and quiet.
Hope you’re well and I’ll talk to you soon.
I am so very very sorry to hear about Calvin. I know this has been a difficult and an extremely emotional roller coaster for you and the family. Today smile and know He is out of pain and playfully playing above. My heart goes out to you.
I hope that brings you a small bit of comfort and that you and your daughter can look back and reminisce about all the funny things that Calvin did and also how he brought joy to you!
One thing Covid has taught us is.....Life can change at any moment. So treasure the good times! And don’t take for granted the time we do have with our loved ones!
Hugs to you Lore and the family!
Oh, thank you Eve....yes, your hugs and thoughts and love sent do help. So many memories with that Boy. Such a beautiful prince he was. Maine Coon so loved playing in water. Was still trying to get up on the sink yesterday. Loved playing in his drinking fountain too and I was constantly mopping up around it. Never occurred to me to put a little rug under it until just now writing this. I have a beautiful painting that a local artist did, very whimsical, life size Sweetums dancing with a woman under the moon. It has some of Sweetums ashes in his paint. Oh, Sweetums was Calvin’s brother. Calvin is in the painting too, but not his ashes of course, so I may contact her to do another one for me. I know...lots of folks likely think this is eccentric, but...yes...I am. Always have been and my creatures have always accepted that unconditionally. Which is why we love them so.
I will say again, they will all go at home with me when it is their time. It makes the last memory much more bearable for us, and their last moments much more gentle for them.
Funny I didn’t think about smoking in the several hours waiting for the appointment but I sure did when I woke up and remembered he was gone. It has mostly passed too...like a quiet receding wave.
Thank you Eve.
Lore, I am so sorry for the empty feeling you are experiencing! We love them while are together and miss them when we aren’t. I love the idea of having Sweetums and now, possibly Calvin, a part of art. What a grand way to honor them.
Wishing you comfort and peace during this trying time and may the memories of Calvin and Sweetums together again warm your heart and ease your mind.
I am with you in spirit, like a weighted blanket...
Thank you so much. First night he hasn’t been on my pillow in so many years. He would be on my pillow and Sweetums spooned with me. They were absolutely inseparable in their life here, and now I do hope their is some awareness of togetherness for them again. My heart is sad. And grateful. They were truly a once in a lifetime treasure and I’m so very glad I was at the vet that morning in Atlanta with my dog when this elderly woman brought them in as their mother was killed and she didn’t know how to care for them. The vet, so kind, had just taken in a litter of 5 that didn’t have eyes open yet and was feeling overwhelmed. So I said “Well Max, I’ve raised plenty of kittens and squirrels and rabbits and I’d be happy to help if you promise you will help me find homes when they are ready”. He said of course, and of course...he didn’t need to. I kept the two boys and my neighbor took the girl who also very lovely when she was old enough. I knew the second I got them home and my stepson helped me bathe them and feed them they were with me for life. I’m so happy to have had him so long.
Yes...I’ve already emailed the Artist to ask for when his ashes are ready. She is 80 now but still painting her heart out last we spoke a month or so ago. We made good friends over the work on Sweetums and it brought her joy to do it. She said she had never incorporated ashes into a painting before and wished she had thought of that for some of her fur babies. Not sure what made me ask her to, but I’m glad I did as it makes me happy every time I look at it.
Thank you Susan. Maybe I will make the Ocean next week and heal some.
Came back to let you know...the Artist just replied and is happy to do it! That already makes me feel better. Not all the way, but some....
Ah my sweet Lore, Mama to Calvin,
My heartfelt condolences in this loss. Memories forever alive. What an amazing gift to have him in your life for so many years. The musical purr!! I never got to hear it but know the sound can not be duplicated. He left his mark on many family members and friends. Even some like me who never met him.
Over the rainbow bridge you go precious one!! Over to the field of flowers full of your friends and family that have passed to greet you!! My Shepherd Sweetie is there and all my other beloveds that have passed. Say hello for me, precious one?
I know the days will still pass. Even tho it seems they shud not because he has gone. Still hearing his purr and crackly meow. Feeling the bed move where he use to jump and seeing him in his favorite spots. I am so sorry. I love that the vet came to your place and you could hold him. Such a blessing they have that program.
You did the right thing. A single act of great love. You will heal and never forget. No nicotine necessary. We are all here for you.
I’m so sorry to hear this. Thinking of you and your daughter too.
Thank you for the kindness. It’s funny how words and thoughts from others in a moment of grief soothe. Though we’ve not met, the reaching out still touches....I love the power humans have to help each other. Just as pain and suffering are Universal, so can be kindness.
Oh, Peggy Love...yes...he says hello. My heart hurts. I was thinking in bed last night how he’s been there a third of my life. Through so many adult changes and growth and celebration and sadness and fear and excitement and...all of it. One of the ones that no matter what, brought me his music. His gentle head butting and nibbles and urging. His kneading and rubbing. How his voice changed with age, and his music remained. Always the song of love returning. His passing is hitting especially deep for his time in space he occupied was at times so tumultuous and so precious. Watching my daughter grow up with him, the joy and comfort he brought her and my Stepson. He was a small boy of 8 with blonde hair when the the babies came home with me and now he is a strapping and strong young man soon to be 27 when Calvin would have been 19. How I learned very quickly that night owl Daughter would wake happy and smiling early in the mornings when I needed to wake her for preschool if I brought Calvin with me to wake her, and if I didn’t it changed her whole moment. How gentle my Stepson was as a young boy helping me bathe them. How as my belly grew taught with Daughter growing inside the kittens would lay on me and fall asleep purring on my mound of a tummy...a sound she probably heard and grew to know just as she did my beating heart before she came out into the world. And when she was an infant nursing, one of them was always in my lap right underneath her. How one night when she was a few weeks old and I had woke in the night to nurse her, Atlanta was hit with a 4.0 Earthquake and the suddenly the babies were all on my chest. It was brief and did no damage but we all felt the power in that moment of Nature reminding us how small we are. Ahhhh...so many many memories, all ripped silently open to the wind that carries them now. I can’t help myself...I’ll share a picture of an older thinner Calvin with you, still a beautiful Prince...then I’m gonna go walk and see John for the first time since he passed and if John is there, share a memory.