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First 10 days review   General Chit-Chat

Started 5/6/20 by Musivore; 104958 views.
euknight

From: euknight

May-8

Hey Eve,

One year today for me....yay!!,

Thanks again for the morning text of congrats.!!  This year was a tumultuous one.  Even with all the things that have happened to us on top of COVID, to get through this year nicotine free seemed unimaginable in May of 2020.  What seemed unimaginable became possible!!  Here I am a year later because of y’all and the great feedback on here and doing it all .......it become true!

No  bars and chains.  The powerful drug has lost its grip on me.  Even through the experiences of friends that have died, I am so grateful I was not smoking.  It would have made it worse beating myself up on top of this grief.  No thank you!! Besides, honestly, the excuses were old and used up, the broken promises to myself and others that I was going to quit.....worn out.  I lied to myself for 35 years. 
 

Great to be free and sharing this freedom with a tremendous group of folks!  Love you all and so many , many thanks!,

Peggy

May 8, 2020sunflower

overdoze

From: overdoze

May-8

Congratulations. Seems like you are much happier which is good, right behind you gaining momentum....

Loreficent

From: Loreficent

May-9

I love this honesty: “Besides, honestly, the excuses were old and used up, the broken promises to myself and others that I was going to quit.....worn out.” Right? Oh so right. Very well put. It does get old telling ourselves how we are going to quit and then hang on in fear, it gets old letting the loved ones build up hope and support for us, to then have them watch us not follow through. I think at some point one really does have to admit we are really only playing games with ourselves, and one we will never win. Yup. Walk away and keep on walking from this drug. Doesn’t make me less an addict, sadly, but it sure does empower me to just...keep on walking. 
You’ve done an amazing job Peggy. So looking forward to sharing this second year with you!

euknight

From: euknight

May-9

Oh thank you Overdoze!!  Stick to it and Stay strong.  One foot in front of the other....whatever it takes.

This year has been life changing in so many ways.  Trashing the nicotine is Definitely at the top of learning experiences and personal growth.  This forum really is imperative in the quit. Keep up the good work!

Peggy

5-8-20

euknight

From: euknight

May-9

My precious Lore,

Just now replying to this one and I love the mask description!,  No doubt you will look fabulous in it!  The occasion will arise!!

You and John’s mom are the bomb!,  what y’all did for that homeless guy warms my heart.  Taking him to work and getting him hooked up.  Three cheers, sweet girl!  That was the right place for him to catch a snooze.  John has just become this magical symbol that drew you to walk, walk, walk, watching through the seasons and now meeting his mom which sounds like a fabulous connection!!  Maui....here we come!!  Sounds like you have met a kindred spirit.  Those are so wonderful and rare.

The picture of the kitties...is just the best!!  Sweet Calvin and bro.  That is just too cool about Maisey  licking around.  I have no doubt she knows something, senses something we cannot.  Our animal loves are pretty intuitive.  They do not get the credit they deserve so often...unless they live at our houses....lol.  

No prob about the dancing date.  Very attentive for 6 weeks, spoiled and pampered me.  I won’t complain.  Then ghosted which I politely addressed with him.  I have been drawn to pray for him...I sense a struggle.  Maybe we can be friends.  Since my  3 go-to male friends have gone on to the spirit world, I am going to be watching for who is coming my way.  I was told eons ago that male friends were very important for me and sure enough, they did appear.  Changed my life.

Thanks about the mask thing.  You would be the expert on that one but are more use to it?  Gave me a startle when I was working cos I had not worn one all the time.  I choose to believe my oxygen intake has improved.  My sleep Dr.may disagree.  I may need to call and see what it was.  I did not qualify for apnea treatment and he put me on oxygen awhile but it really never made a difference I don’t think.  That was way before Covid....  Anywho.....gonna swish this off and take a gander at your other post.

Hugs!

euknight

From: euknight

May-9

Thank you sweet OR girl for the congrats.  So glad I can catch up with you guys!!!

Yeppers...the excuses were pitiful.  No judgement to ANYONE, that’s for sure.  Pitiful for me only and made me feel very small and helpless.  When I think of that raw nico-throat, smoke taste permeating my mouth, gums and teeth....it is nothing short of miraculous that it is gone!

I recently have noticed my senses really have come alive.  The brain fog going away is the biggest thing!!,!  There is a clear edge that was never there before surrounding my thought life.  Having smoked so long it just seems a little surreal.  What was surreal tho was my thought process when I smoked.  The bizarre part is THE ILLUSION THAT THOUGHTS SEEMED SHARPER when I smoked.  What a ginormous lie!!!! Could not know this until smoke had been out of my system awhile........

A lot of realizations coming my way!  As far as the sheer joy......not quite yet, but I will say RELIEF fills me.  Pure, satisfying RELIEF.  Being in the clutches of nicotine is a nightmare, plain and simple.  My gratitude for you, Lore and the tribe and forum is indescribably great.

Love you all!

Peggy

5-8-20sunflower

Loreficent

From: Loreficent

May-10

I’m so happy you have these gained awarenesses. I do too with the thoughts. The realization now that when I smoked, my thoughts were more...dull, or toned down. The focus on the feeling of the drug coursing through my veins, or maybe awareness of the feeling more than focus on it. Seemed to distract me from whatever urgency I had been feeling some. Perhaps that was perceived as calmer? Now though...I have awareness of it having been a distraction from thought and feeling. 
Things seem more alive now. Kind of nice to get to know me maybe? I’ve not done Heroin ever, but plenty of other mind altering substances back in the day. One of the use rationales for smoking is yes, nicotine is a drug, but we rationalized it in ways because it wasn’t “mind altering”. We didn’t get a euphoria or high like with other drugs. I’m not so sure about that. Perhaps those effects are more subtle (way more than some other drugs) but I do think now those effects are definitely there and quite real. Think about this. If Big Tobacco were to be confronted with substantive evidence of nicotine being a mind altering substance, there would be a different fight on their hands, right? I think most of us are aware of the power and pull of Big Tobacco. I certainly would not trust if this type of research into their products has been done that it would be allowed to be disclosed. On the other hand, with this, I don’t need any other effing evidence than myself and my own awareness , which I do trust. (Well, except around man buns!joy) Seriously though...I am the only “N=1” with this needed to know and accept there was definitely some type of mind/ mood altering going on with my nicotine infusions. It takes some time away from it I think, some tuning into subtle awarenesses, some acceptance of self and a good deal of honesty to see it perhaps. Bottom line is, we don’t still know a heck of a lot about brain chemistry. Or DNA. Or so many many things about anything really. But, for me, it is up to me to know me, care for me, and ease my way first anyhow. Damn their research or lack there of. I am worthy evidence that smoking did suck my soul. 
Not today nicotine...not today. May have to visit Georgie instead, hahahaha! But no nicotine today. This day is gonna be raw and real, oh hell yes. 

Loreficent

From: Loreficent

May-12

Hello and Eid Mubarak!

Stopping in to see how the not smoking journey is going. I often feel guilty for what feels like hijacking this thread and thought I’d check in and say “hi”. 
Hope all is well and you are celebrating life! blush

euknight

From: euknight

May-22

Hello my friend,

I like the phrase “mood altering with nicotine infusions.”  Lol....so good....infusions.....so true.

Gosh it seems silly to really think that I used the excuse that it was not mind altering “like other drugs” as another pitiful excuse to keep on.  No judgement to anyone else. I am just realizing how completely false that is.

True the high was not “like” other drugs but the hook is worse.  Cos it’s legal?  Not really.  Cos I seem to be able to operate machinery and work without appearing inebriated to co workers?  Yes, that one is probably true.  The difference is the repetition...one after another any place I could.  Even in my worst alcoholic days I did not drink most of my waking moments.  So the fact that endless cigarettes lie before you and after you, denotes the lifetime sentence ordered by demons to take you down.   The cigarette had the control,  easier to consume in massive amounts and more often.  With these components...just makes it worse.  Heroin’s brother perhaps.  Be nice if you could pass out like Heroin or whiskey but nope...can keep right on smoking and smoking and smoking.

The book my friend and I are doing is called The 30 day faith detox.....renew your mind, cleanse your body, heal your spirit.  Have I lost weight? Not really,  but my body is certainly detoxed.  The spiritual component is heavy duty, I will tell you right now.  Scripture based, yes, but an openness to think out of main stream religion is required and it is loaded with supernatural prayers and blessings that are amazingly on target.  Only two of us have lasted.  One of the more heavyweight routines I have embarked on.  A lot of work and shopping.  All fruits, vegetables, oils, spices, nuts throughout the day...organic preferably and meatless if you can.  I do chicken , fish tho.

I am pretty burned out.  Had a slice of Dave’s killer toast ( my brand) and eggs this AM.  Felt weird.  Also cheat with PB and crackers and pretzels at night.  Maybe if I didn’t do that.......

Anyway each week we eat different color fruits and veg....and recipes were formulated to cleanse different body systems.  Like we are finishing purple and green....respiratory, limbic , immune systems  this week. This warm drink today is juiced celery, real cranberry juice, cinnamon juiced.  It is wild!!  Really strong!,

So as severe as this is, it has been a real education.  Have learned about foods and what they effect and experienced clearer thinking, a bodily feeling of feeding it what it has always Needed, and eating different foods.  The spiritual stuff...kind of has blown us away some days.  I am always up for that. So even tho we have another book going on tribe day we read from this one as well.  Packed with powerful stuff!,!

So my pool vacum and pool hand vac do not work right now.  But the pool is almost warm enough to swim without wet suit!! We have had a ton of rain.  Pond is up so pups have their swimming pool!  

Just checking in with you guys!  Hugs to you!

Peggy

Free since 5-8-20

Loreficent

From: Loreficent

May-25

Ahhh...Peggy!

I feel like I’ve been in a bit of limbo or shell or somehow slightly removed from being totally present and accountable to my thoughts for a while. Maybe that’s not a bad thing though...? Goodness knows I think too much about lots of things!joy Yes...mind/ mood altering infusions...I see it now how nicotine was that. Truthfully, I don’t miss it. There are moments that I realize I miss what I know now was the illusion of escape. I do think it gave me that. Now, since I don’t drink, or don’t do any other drugs, I’m left to my own mind, unaltered and deterred by external substance to deal with all that riles me or makes me sad or even excited at times. That’s where my runs and walks come in I think. Endorphins. I think they are more potent and flow more quickly and easily without the hinderance of nicotine in my system. Maybe that’s all in my head though? Probably. Hard to judge what’s real some days hushed. I am at times still left with a tremendous amount of energy that I can’t seem to find a disposal for. Existential Indigestion! Haha! Yes. That’s what it is. 
Crazy to think where we were a year ago. The day that rocked the World in many ways and set off a new trajectory of consciousness for so many. So much going on then. Honestly there are days that this past year seems like a dream and I’m not sure if I’m waking up yet, still stuck in it, or even want to know. Peeling off the mask is not unlike ripping the bandaid maybe. The exposure of it all, what seems like the suddenness. I think I have a fair amount of trepidation with this return to “normal “. Anyway...watchful waiting is where I’m at. Will see. Perhaps there isn’t anything to wait for. Maybe I need to walk more. 
So, can you believe less than a month to Solstice? Hard to grasp but it’s true. This year seems more a blur than last year. 

Dave’s Killer Bread??? Love it! I have that in my cupboard too. Poor Dave. 
This cleanse thing sounds a bit killer in its own way too. Raw and brutal awakening of the senses maybe. Anything that requires an openness to think out of main stream religion is intriguing for sure for me. I’m not very mainstream in my Spirituality and love the thought of supernatural prayers and blessings. The Universe is a big place I think. Perhaps this cleanse would ease some of my Existential Indigestion. 
Is this a book that is available to anyone? 
 

Oh good...soon you will be Nightswimming...yes. Deserves a quiet night. I think I will have to celebrate Solstice at the Coast this year. A cleansing night swim. 
Oh...and it looks like the Lunar Eclipse may be visible for me. About 4:30 in the morning. Maybe...? May not be clear here. 
 

OK Peggy Love. Good to hear from you and the critters. Sending a big hug and kiss East. kissing_heart

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