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First 10 days review   General Chit-Chat

Started 5/6/20 by Musivore; 105122 views.
Loreficent

From: Loreficent

May-25

Ahhh...Peggy!

I feel like I’ve been in a bit of limbo or shell or somehow slightly removed from being totally present and accountable to my thoughts for a while. Maybe that’s not a bad thing though...? Goodness knows I think too much about lots of things!joy Yes...mind/ mood altering infusions...I see it now how nicotine was that. Truthfully, I don’t miss it. There are moments that I realize I miss what I know now was the illusion of escape. I do think it gave me that. Now, since I don’t drink, or don’t do any other drugs, I’m left to my own mind, unaltered and deterred by external substance to deal with all that riles me or makes me sad or even excited at times. That’s where my runs and walks come in I think. Endorphins. I think they are more potent and flow more quickly and easily without the hinderance of nicotine in my system. Maybe that’s all in my head though? Probably. Hard to judge what’s real some days hushed. I am at times still left with a tremendous amount of energy that I can’t seem to find a disposal for. Existential Indigestion! Haha! Yes. That’s what it is. 
Crazy to think where we were a year ago. The day that rocked the World in many ways and set off a new trajectory of consciousness for so many. So much going on then. Honestly there are days that this past year seems like a dream and I’m not sure if I’m waking up yet, still stuck in it, or even want to know. Peeling off the mask is not unlike ripping the bandaid maybe. The exposure of it all, what seems like the suddenness. I think I have a fair amount of trepidation with this return to “normal “. Anyway...watchful waiting is where I’m at. Will see. Perhaps there isn’t anything to wait for. Maybe I need to walk more. 
So, can you believe less than a month to Solstice? Hard to grasp but it’s true. This year seems more a blur than last year. 

Dave’s Killer Bread??? Love it! I have that in my cupboard too. Poor Dave. 
This cleanse thing sounds a bit killer in its own way too. Raw and brutal awakening of the senses maybe. Anything that requires an openness to think out of main stream religion is intriguing for sure for me. I’m not very mainstream in my Spirituality and love the thought of supernatural prayers and blessings. The Universe is a big place I think. Perhaps this cleanse would ease some of my Existential Indigestion. 
Is this a book that is available to anyone? 
 

Oh good...soon you will be Nightswimming...yes. Deserves a quiet night. I think I will have to celebrate Solstice at the Coast this year. A cleansing night swim. 
Oh...and it looks like the Lunar Eclipse may be visible for me. About 4:30 in the morning. Maybe...? May not be clear here. 
 

OK Peggy Love. Good to hear from you and the critters. Sending a big hug and kiss East. kissing_heart

Loreficent

From: Loreficent

Jun-29

Girlz!!!

Wow! Haven’t been in this spot in over a month! 
First a great big WELCOME BACK to X!!!blushclapboom 
I do wish Tiny would find her way back around….

So, I started this new part time job today. Will be a few weeks of training and I’m keeping my job I’ve had too. Will be working about 4 shifts a month at the new one when I’m all trained up, so not too much. I had to write you all because this is the FIRST day that I have worked 10 hours straight and did not think about sneaking off for a smoke at all! Yay!! I see this as a big milestone for me as starting something new like that has always made me a bit anxious and I’d catch myself trying to scheme a way to sneak off and smoke, to inevitably feel even more anxious because I would be embarrassed that I smoked! Man, what a vicious cycle! So I did think about it on the way home but not in a “I want one” way at all. And the thought came and went just as a sentence in my head and disappeared. 
So it was wonderful to realize at the end of the day what I had NOT thought about! Just as folks on here habe said…it does get better. Way better. You DO get to a place where you are grateful to be done with it. Maybe this is the beginning of that “peace” Eve..? 

It kind of feels like Summer is passing by and I gotta figure out how to slow that down. I do have a lovely “moon tan” from sleeping naked on my deck the last 3 nights, joy. Was the first time I’ve ever been anywhere that is was 115°! Who would have thought that first for me would have been Portland ?? 
Hope you all are GREAT! 
Don’t look back X. You’re on your way and there is nothing back there to see! 
kissing_heart to you all!

Eve1973

From: Eve1973

Jun-30

Hmmm I know it’s hot…..I hope that deck is private, or will I see you on the internet? Lmao!

Glad you are working that P/T job, you are definitely a special person! It does sound worthwhile, but I know I couldn’t do that.

The peace I feel it comes in waves, where for a while (days) you may not think about it, but then BAM, CRAVE! It goes away quickly though. So just know it will come for longer and longer periods. Remind yourself how just going out on deck probably was hard in beginning because that’s where you smoked. But how often do you think about it now? Bet your daughter is happy that you are still quit and that you are so much better off.

    Everyday that we don’t think about it, means that WE ARE WINNING! Honestly I do have a lot of days where I don’t think about it. But like I said, every once in a while. BAM!

 Hugs to you……and hope that training goes well!

xvaper

From: xvaper

Jun-30

Hey GIIIRRRRRLLLS!

Missed you guys and happy to be back. I wasn't ready to quit again, and felt too embarrassed about not actually wanting to quit to be on here and there seemed to be no point really. But I feel like I want to quit now and so here I am, day 3. I trust you all are doing well?

I cant wait to get back to a happy none smoker mode.

xvaper

From: xvaper

Jun-30

Very encouraging and yet discouraging that I may still have mild cravings 2 years down the line! But if this is the price I have to pay to live a better life then It's worth it. This thing has such a hold on us!

Loreficent

From: Loreficent

Jun-30

I would say it is more like thoughts now, and not really cravings. Just passing thoughts that before I know it an hour has gone by and I realize the thought left and I didn’t know it. Now that sounds nutty! Maybe some of that too then joy

But yeah…can’t say I Jones for a smoke. I am full aware of the danger of romanticising it. I catch my mind doing that and I take a deep breath and notice how I don’t smell like that and start reminding myself of all the yucky stuff, which is pretty much everything about it. I know I can not have one. I also have told myself that if I do make that choice, I am making a choice to ha e ALL THE OTHERS that will follow, and I know they would. I realize I really don’t want all of them and it is easier to say no to one than to say no to 15 a day again. Eff that. I so don’t want to go back and then immediately wish I was where I am now! You don’t either. You are stronger than you know. Acknowledge the thought, give it a nod, and carry on. Take a mental turn in a different direction. 

xvaper

From: xvaper

Jun-30

Thanks Lore!

The next month will be crucial.

Loreficent

From: Loreficent

Jun-30

Yeah, that time will go by either way don’t forget. Make it count for something positive! You won’t regret it I promise. You may think you miss it for a bit, but that is not the same as regret! 
Think of all the BS with Big Tobacco and get pissed off! Flip them the bird and all that. Smoking just lines their pockets and they laugh all the way to the bank at what suckers smokers are. They know full well what they are doing and are culpable of so much harm. If only our Govt wasn’t benefiting off it so much. Which in turn makes them culpable too. But hey, we got choices. Just like wearing a helmet I guess….

xvaper

From: xvaper

Jun-30

Yes you are right. So is the alcohol industry..Except most people can drink occasionally without becoming alcoholics and only a small portions of smokers can only smoke occasionally only so what makes it way worse. Yes it makes no sense to inhale this stuff just like it doesn't make sense for a giraffe to come near a smoldering heap of hey, deeply inhale her lungs full of smoke and exhale it for fun.

xvaper

From: xvaper

Jun-30

Anxious and a little panicky. Very unnerving feeling right now. I don't really want to smoke but I wish something can stop that feeling. I guess its just the poison leaving my system, I just need to ride it. Day three evening sucks!

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