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First 10 days review   General Chit-Chat

Started 5/6/20 by Musivore; 120524 views.
xvaper

From: xvaper

Jul-2

Yes it will be a difficulty to sever those connection etched in the brain between certain activities and cigarettes with them. hopefully with time these will subside. 

On another note, FIREWORKS

Last year the fireworks situation in all the 5 boroughs of New York was horrendous. It was going off day and night, from June until the end of august, and not just little fireworks, big ones too, that sounded like gunshots and bombs. Usually kids cannot afford this kind of fireworks arsenal (when I say kids I mean from 12YO all the way to twenty somethings).  There were many theories on how this plethora of illegal ( all fireworks are illegal in New York city) and highly dangerous ones ended hit eh streets, and their ability of kids to fire them off in the middle of the street uninterrupted, all kinds of conspiracy theories including that the cops were either firing fireworks themselves or that they were handing the fireworks to the kids, as if NYPD didn't have enough to do, in the middle of the BLM protestations and the sharp rise of gun violence last summer. 

The most logical and verifiable explanation was that cargo ships from china were stuck docked in New York since March because of Covid and not allowed to unload so they were already at a huge loss. These ships always carry counterfeit items and in the spring, illegal fireworks made in China, to be distributed across the region. So there they were, trying to stealthily offload smaller cargo to at least make something, anything, but no distributors were buying anything.

In come the gangs. They bought all this stuff for a song and a dance, and sold it super cheap on the streets to kids and young adults who suddenly were able to afford buying the big boy fireworks. 

It was incessant, kids and animals went out of their minds and so did ex soldiers with PTSD. It sounded like a battle-zone every single night for weeks on end, and I am not exaggerating. They police were inundated with calls, but first of all by the time they got there the kids were gone, and secondly they were called on many shootings as well so it was not a priority. People suspected there was an agenda of why they didn't want to chase kids on the streets because of 'defund the police' movement, but that's neither here or there, I don't think it would have made any difference, there was just way too much of this stuff. This year it is still going on, but remarkedly less so. There just aren't  those cheap fireworks to be had, its back to full price and kids cannot afford it anymore. So yea that's the story of last year's  fireworks in NYC.

euknight

From: euknight

Jul-3

So Israel is a cig rolling place, huh?  Had no idea.  Interesting.

Hope you did ok thru day 4 and 5.  Keep the straw in your mouth.  
We are all so happy you are back.  Don’t be embarrassed.  You are brave.  There is no reason to hang your head.  Having gone through this first year journey I will speak for myself but others may feel the same....I really become a part of the others chipping away the days of being clean from nicotine.  So thanks for coming back.  It means a lot.  

Like Lore and Eve have said, maybe Tiny will stumble on in again. I don’t give up on people as a rule and this world has a way of surprising me with sparkles.  I am thrilled with simple things.  

So today I had a marathon Dirty John watch day with a smoker friend who is now smoking in her house.  Sure I thought it would be nice to light one up but I let the thought pass and just enjoy the whiff of smoke. What really stops me is that gross smoke taste in my mouth that dries out the moisture and leaves the mouth tasting like I just chewed up a dirty ash tray filled with soggy butts.   Just not real.appealing.... And then the taste has permeated the gums, mouth , teeth.  Might as well take a brown marker and color in a couple of teeth.....

So that’s my story for today.  You keep on  that quit, girl.  You are braver than you think.  Give it all you got.  Freedom is around the corner!

Hugs to ya,

Peggy

5-8-20

Loreficent

From: Loreficent

Jul-3

Peggy!

Ok…so…who is Dirty John?joy I know who Dirty Harry is. Not John though. Harry’s cousin? With a Glock instead of a .357 Magnum? joy

OMG. Ok. So. I have thought about smoking a lot today. Why? I can say, like you Peggy, I do NOT want to be a smoker again. I really don’t. So in some ways it’s kind of discouraging to think about it. But on the other hand, the fact I can honestly say I don’t want to do that 15 times a day again is really good. I think in some ways it is these warm Summer nights. Not the house is 95° ones, but the ones like now where it is 75° out and clear skies, still some light on the horizon at 9:45. Man. The places I go in my head on nights like this! Yup. Just pick up and go right on out of my head. Anyway. Not sure I need to have an answer to why the smoking thoughts. I think I know anyway. Just part of being an addict I think. 
Off to bed with me. Gonna read my book and hopefully fall asleep soon so I can be “on” for my work weekend. 
Love ya Peggy Girl. kissing_heart

xvaper

From: xvaper

Jul-3

Yea, who is dirty John?! 
I have trouble sleeping for the past three nights and yesterday I felt very anxious, but I’m holding on. I was the one who wanted to quit right? Must have had a good reason, so I need to be a big girl about this. As much as it’s finality is daunting I have to get used to “never take another puff”. Yea I hope tiny will be back soon, we could be the new quit buddies. I’m am truest grateful for your support it’s not taken for granted. I hope this evening and tonight goes better, I need my sleep!

xvaper

From: xvaper

Jul-3

It’s still light here at 21:30 as well..such a house difference than winter. I was reminded by sputter and also the book you linked me that the ‘good cigarettes’ always come with the other 99% of the bad cigarettes we smoke and they cannot be separated. I was thinking about the last few days I was smoking and out of the however many I would roll each evening, I really maybee ‘enjoyed’ one. The rest o just couldn’t stop myself and they were not really enjoyable at all, they did not burn evenly, so I had to burn the a hanger on paper and that just made it worse, the ash always goes everywhere, and it was burning my throat and my rough and yet I was rolling one after another. That is nuts. So yea we can romanticise about only having one but that just leads to all the disgusting others, and anyways we only ‘enjoy’ it because it gives a fix to our brain, if it did not have nicotine in it we would throw it out after the first draw. Ofcourse I home not to falter this time but i have to take responsibility for my actions so I don’t want to entertain thoughts about relapse at all. I want to be closer to where you guys are. Although we are all a puff away from junkie life again, and we should never get complacent. 

euknight

From: euknight

Jul-3

Hey X, Hold on there girl.  Yep, not too romantic having cigs fall apart and burning holes in everything.  My ex husband use to drive my car and there is a burn hole in the back seat....grrrrrr.  Appeared soon after we bought it.

Good to hear you talking about the yucky details.  The repulsion will increase and the desire will decrease.  It is inevitable as you add one clean day to the next.  You are doing this and you will get beyond it as the brain receptors decrease. It’s an eventual chemical change.  Just have to get thru the lies and emotion.

Like any drug, the severe attacks will rear their ugly heads.  Distract...distract....put an ice cube in your mouth and walk around til it’s melted.  You are on your way, girl.  Those moments were the worst but you can get passed this.

Luv ya

euknight

From: euknight

Jul-3

Hey my sweet...

Yes the elevated smoking urges....I was having them big time too and they seem to have subsided.  I go back to the alcohol quit for me.....soooooo many years ago but was always triggered by change.  Any change.  I think most of us could agree the change of seasons seems to be a repeating trigger. Number 1.....You have had major unprecedented temperature change to the point you are having to sleep outside!!  Number 2....New job, that is a major life change.  While exciting and has been on your heart a long time it is still a big unknown step for you.

So as addicts any change is a little out of our comfort zone.  Sure we can do just about anything but the addict in us screams..”.Oh, a change.  Wouldn’t a smoke be good to get you thru this....”.  Freaking liar, at work once again to deposit you into the defeat pit.  No, not today, thank you.

I will not be controlled by a substance....ever again!  MANTRA

So ur working this weekend I see.  Thanks for the reminder.  May you be blessed and protected this weekend!

Luv ya

euknight

From: euknight

Jul-3

Dirty John....series on Net Flix...I think

There are two seasons.  The first one is better.  Psycho guy on dating site.  True story. The 2nd season was on Betty Broderick and I feel sorry for her.

Depending on your nicotine triggers, you may want to pass on it..lol

CC to xvaper
xvaper

From: xvaper

Jul-3

Thanks love. My biggest challenge right now is that I have not been sleeping for about three night. Can’t fall asleep and then wake up constantly. Didn’t have that last time. Meds don’t help. Did you experience this and if so, how long did this last? 

SusanK1960

From: SusanK1960

Jul-3

Hi X, I also suffered from not being able to sleep early on in the quit.  I even went grocery shopping at Walmart at 2:30 in the morning, just so I wasn’t laying there thinking of smoking.  It lasted about a week for me. The waking up constantly lasted longer, but it was much better than not being able to sleep, so I am unsure ow long that went on.  Melatonin gummies can sometimes help as did sleepy time tea and meditation.  It will go away.  You are doing good!!

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