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First 10 days review   General Chit-Chat

Started 5/6/20 by Musivore; 44760 views.
Msg 5840.123 deleted
In reply toRe: msg 122
Loreficent

From: Loreficent

Jun-15

Hi Susan,

Thank you for your accepting and supportive reply. 
It’s funny...I am a person who has NO social media, and this is the first time I have ever become involved with any type of online forum. I much prefer interactions face to face, even in a world where that is becoming increasingly obsolete. The funny part is...I feel your love and support (and that of many others) quite well. Perhaps not enough to move me to open a FB account (LOL) but it is felt and appreciated.

I would love to be able to satisfy folks with what could suffice as a meaningful writing of shame for having smoked for a day, but I am not that person. I adore and cherish all of our differences and I think there is plenty I have written on here that hopefully supports that regardless of how one presents their “confession “. I would also like to report a meaningful analytical message of why I chose to smoke for a day, but, I still don’t fully know that answer.  At this point, I also don’t care. It was a very different space for sure. As I said, not a conscious crave/cave episode. Obviously, the addict voice was involved. For me...I will let it go as yes, that part is still there and I need to be mindful of the way it may surface. 
No, I have not chosen to continue smoking. No, I don’t recommend anyone tempt themselves to do so. I did ask myself how do I look at it as far as “starting over my count” as I did have more than one. I’m gonna go with the arbitrary nature of our society, subtract a day, and just celebrate the next calendar day. Sort of like, say, moving a major convention a day later, and calling it good, yes? I use this analogy as to me, frankly, it is funny, and we live in a world where if you can’t find some humor around you you’re gonna be in some deep doo-doo funk all the time and I’ve never chosen that. But I also use it as I find deep meaning and value in moving the day...
 

Thank you again...Susan, you are...solid in so many many ways. And wise.

CC to SusanK1960
slowblumer

From: slowblumer

Jun-15

Hey Lore,

You had a slip.  So glad you got back to your quit.  The only danger with a slip is that it can fuel the desire for 'one more' and be a 'slippery slope' .  Keep at it -you are doing fantastic in your quit..  

euknight

From: euknight

Jun-15

Hi Lore,

Hoping your day went well and you are feeling strong.  If you are still unsteady we can be strong for you.  Totally hear ya on the analyzing....can be taxing. Write or copy and paste ur stuff from here so you have a record.  Further down the line the revelation may come.  Who knows maybe journeying into heightened awareness may need to go away awhile.  Thinking too much.

I thought I was organized on those notes but doesn’t look like it. Lol. Yes, ma’am this enemy is sly and I am sick of it hanging around.  Am so ready for this death of receptors I am reading about.  Trying to picture the little booger’s dying off.  Thought replacement.  I definitely fill my mind with uplifting words, images and am around positive people.  Sleeping way more than before.

Coming  in from the dentist I chased a little roadrunner all the way down the drive. He kept running, running and would not fly off so I slowed down.  Said hi to him like I do all my animals tame and wild.  Lol, yes I do.  My friend in FLA and her son love to remind me of the time I was talking to a pelican...

That book about highly sensitive people sounds great.  Have heard of it.  Praise God I am not like when I was younger.  My poor mama did not get me at all.  Of course you have some of that, I can tell.  Certain vocations require it for sure.  At the same time for sanity, one has to be able to separate, don’t you think? Someday your daughter will appreciate this gift.  She will.

So just as we know we can separate from strong emotion on the job, maybe we can apply this to the quit.  Acknowledge the crave and that’s about it. Walk away.  Look at something that makes you happy right then and there!

Laughed about the vampire comment.  I love the dead of night too.  I need a lot of alone time.  It is when I refuel.  Very glad you recognize and take action on that.

It is about time for luscious laps...so healing for me.  The feel of the water washes away all the gunk in my brain.  Will refill the pups pool and hope they will play in it.  I know they want to walk but I have much tractor work to do first.  I am letting the wildflowers really go to seed.  Kind of a mangy time of year for the pastures but oh well....

Let us know how it is going

A smoke free evening and blessings to you,

Peggy

5-8-20

Loreficent

From: Loreficent

Jun-16

Ahhh...

The dead of night where you are...must be so...spiritual. I can imagine. And remember. There is nothing quite like getting lost in the sky of stars really to bring one such a feeling of peace and connection. The Rez was this way. I once got lost on a road in some California desert at night. I had to pee really bad and it was so very very dark...so...yes, I stopped and was so struck by the sky when I got out of car. I ended up laying on the hood of the car for over an hour, just lost in the sky. It was such a special night. Figured I was safe from the Tarantulas up on the hood! 
But yes...these things of such striking natural beauty, the images that I’ve burned into my heart to carry with me as I cannot ever pull myself away fully from them...

Well, Peggy...I talk to the critters too. So, I understand that. So sweet how squirrels and crows and raccoons will interact and respond. Even deer, though it has been a while since I’ve crossed paths with one. 
I never wanted to smoke while outside hiking or camping or at the coast. So, letting my mind wander to those places now is so good. I never smoked inside, just on the deck out back. Was too embarrassed to do it out front where neighbors could potentially see me! 

Yes...much of life requires a good degree of separation from emotion. I’m pretty good with it. Mostly. It is about having a balance of what we let out I guess. Probably a bit of emotion comes out in most things I do at work, and certainly with my critters and loved ones. Mostly, it comes out in my walks though, when I’m alone. Speaking of...it is that time. Just past the witching hour here...time to walk off and check on John and gather a little inspiration and blow a goodnight kiss on the wind. Mmmm. Life is so very sweet and good.
Yes, I am doing well. Hope you are too.

euknight

From: euknight

Jun-18

Good Morning Lore,

Feeling very much at peace today and hoping you are as well.  What day  of the month are you going to call your quit day?

I want to keep track if I can.  I hear you on the stars.  I bet in the desert they are phenomenal.  Pretty stunning here as well.  I like to keep track of the full moons.  This last one was the Strawberry Moon.  Love that name.  Strawberries are fabulous right now.  Made a fresh strawberry cake for a friend’s celeb. party here Tuesday night.  It was so relaxing.  Hanging out in the pool watching the fireflies come out.  One of my favorite things!!  Strawberry Girl was one of my fave children’s books.  I think it was a Laura Ingalls Wilder book.  Loved that series.

I just knew you talked to animals!!!  Lol.  I figure especially if they are hanging out on my land I am talking to them!  I noticed your comment to Susan K about not being a social media gal.  Love it!!  We are a rare breed it seems nowadays.  I have no interest in FB.  I have one friend that is always trying to talk me into it.  I always say if I really need to know, someone will tell me.  It has always been a part of my personal program.  I have other priorities I just do not want to sacrifice.  I spend a lot of time reading devotionals, in prayer , writing, meditating, research, movies, working.  I like to cook and have a group I mentor/sponsor and another I lead.   Much better use of time for me.  I just don’t get bored.  

Use to spend a lot of time smoking in between and during a lot of that.  That is really getting so much easier.  I would say close to one half of the time I talk on the phone I want a cigarette now.  It depends who I am talking to.  Acknowledge, distract. That is the process. Try to keep it simple.  If it is an unusually long crave I will read my list,  write, turn off my phone or go to sleep if still Jones ing .  Do you have certain times?  

Am starving.  Have a ton of leftovers so going to eat.  Yay!!  Be well, sweet girl!

Peggy

5-8-20sunglasses

Loreficent

From: Loreficent

Jun-19

You know...Fireflies are about as magical as anything I’ve seen. Kind of like slow moving little stars that can be caught and held and then released to carry on their journeys...Them along with the bioluminescent plankton on the warm sandy SE coastal beaches on a hot summer night....some pretty impressive stuff in our world, yes? Nice things that bring a break and renewal....and magic. Yeah...there are things that man just cannot create. Which adds to their beauty and my sense of hope and wonder. 
So, I think my first day quit was February 23rd, but that should be adjusted to the 24th. I’ll see if I can go back in the February Quit tab and find out for sure. Truthfully I haven’t thought about it much this month. Days morph into so many thoughts, each one a celebration in it’s own way. 
My schedule isn’t “normal” either. Not for work, for sleep, for eating. Lately I have to remind myself I have to eat. Quitting smoking for me definitely did not trigger any hand to mouth replacement. I’ve always been a healthy eater too with no desire for processed junk food, so that helps I think.
No, I don’t really have a time now that sets off a feeling to want a smoke. There are moments when I stop and think, yeah, it’s always there, but then I realize when I’m thinking that, I hadn’t had that thought for a day or two. Still have some situations that provoke the desire I guess, but they are generally self induced and I think about it that way. 

Been off the grid so to speak for a few days, doing a lot of reading and walking. Been with my Boy up north again till yesterday. Learning about fermentation. He makes some fascinating and tasty stuff. Waiting for my Kombucha to get to the right place and am going to do a secondary ferment with some fresh berries. It’s gonna be pretty tasty. Still...it isn’t Fireflies. 

So...yes...another day not smoking and closer to something. Not sure what, but, enjoying the journey. Sounds like you are as well. 

In reply toRe: msg 130
Loreficent

From: Loreficent

Jun-20

“Try to enjoy the ride as this is about much more than quitting smoking.  It requires us or at least gives us the opportunity to dig deeper into who we are and who we want to be, it's life-changing, builds self-esteem and gives us increased empathy for others that struggle in this and other ways. (Mod Dee)”

So...here we are at Summer Solstice. For those struggling with the quit process here in the Northern Hemisphere, you have a tad bit longer to struggle today. For our friends in the Southern Hemisphere, yay! A bit less time to struggle today. Such is the Yin-Yang of our lovely and dying planet. Awww...sorry for that bit of a downer there folks. But, rejoice! For we are doing a small part by not smoking to prolong the life of our home as well as our bodies that we inhabit. And it is not too late in many other ways, but I can’t relate them directly to smoking...or not, so y’all are spared those thoughts.

Either way, it is a crazy time for sure. I spent some time looking back into the February tab to see my exact quit date as I wasn’t one to mark that time down in another way. Time is so relative really. This was reinforced for me when I found the date (February 23rd but now acknowledged on the 24th) and read through that entire tab after. Wow. Who knew where this Virus was going then? Who knew the added turmoil and awakenings and adventures and joys and humbling happenings that would occur over the next few months? Who knew of the restless and struggling moments to find release and or peace that would ensue as the world displays it’s own struggles?
Though I’ve stumbled a couple of times, would I still choose this path? Yes. A resounding yes from me, and I hope from all of you too. It is only us individually that can define and refine our journeys after all. I do love the quote from Mod Dee that is above. There is so much there applicable to so many aspects of life, yes?
Yeah. This has been a ride that has been and is about far more than quitting smoking. Is it necessary to carve out the points that relate? Is it better to just accept the ride for what it’s been and will continue to be? Who really knows where our journeys will take us? Isn’t this the most grand part of it really? The unpredictability, the trials and tribulations, the small successes, the still and wondrous and peaceful moments... and yes, all of the unexpected surprises be they small or profound and life and love altering. 

We need another and, perhaps, a wiser or more mystical concept of time. Removed from Universal Nature, we live by complicated artifice and survey life through the glass of only our own knowledge and see thereby the whole image in distortion. Acknowledging Solstice and Equinoxes allows me to keep a form of humble and needed balance, and reminds me that none of us control time, and none of us are really in charge, but rather we live and are alive because of the mercy of and grace given us by others.
So, yes, hanging onto the small decisions we make for ourselves, like smoking or not, has great value.

Congratulations to all still on the “freedom path” of quitting. It certainly does give the mind much more room and time to wander...
Happy Solstice All.

CC to Musivore
euknight

From: euknight

Jun-22

Hi Lore

Amazing creatures emit 100% of their light!  The most efficient light producers!!  I have not seen this bioluminescent plankton!!!  Sounds amazing!! Also a must see is the Aurora Borealis someday!!  I got these cone lights to hang in the trees.  Like the last ones, I thought they wud be warm light but these are flickering!  Kind of cool.  Do not put out much light but the effect is ethereal.  Love!!  Makes me happy.

So Feb. 24th it is.

So you are going to be the mad scientist in the Kombucha lab!!!  Love it!!  Berry blend....delish!!  Good hobby and great accompaniment to your walks!!  That stuff has the most unusual fizz.

Hope you survived the work weekend and have a beautiful smoke free day !

Peggy

5-8-20

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