This community is open to all who are recovering from nicotine addiction.
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Hi Lori, nice name
I am Shak. I started using Musivore on another website, where it was more important to be anonymous. But I have grown to like the name and possibly the anonymity, so feel free to use either.
Anyways, nice to meet you. You all do such a great job on here, but I have been looking around and you truly are one of the real proficient, knowledgeable, helpful and straight-talking stars on here
Well nice to meet you too! I like Musivore too.
Thanks for the compliment.
Where are you? I think in the UK?
So, as far as kids...long story, but I had my daughter at 42, and she is awesome. Keeps me young for sure! I also have a stepson who is now 25. My daughter’s dad was married before me and we had gotten together when my stepson was near 4. He and I split up when my daughter was also about 4. I’m really close still with my stepson. His dad was a smoker when we got together, but a doctor and quite ashamed of smoking. He insisted we hide it from his son (Adam). So I went along with it. I initially hid it from my daughter too. Well, anyway, that doesn’t work. In hindsight I never should have tried it, but hindsight is always 20/20, yes? So when Adam was about 12, I came out of the closet as I knew he suspected and I was increasingly uncomfortable attempting to “hide it”. Adam was most angry with my dishonesty. It upset him about the smoking but it was the dishonesty that most bothered him. I learned a lot from that! His dad insisted still on not being honest and Adam and I both learned a lot from that!
I say this because you mentioned 3 young children. My advice would be to be very honest with them about smoking and let them learn from you about addiction and the struggle to be free from it. I talk much with both my kids about it and I really know that neither will ever smoke.
Are you their dad or mom? Either way... make better choices than I did initially with talking with them about it. There really is no way to hide smoking except from other smokers.
You make it good or bad - hard or easy, its all in your mind. Have you read Allan Carr's Easy Way to Quite Smoking. Here is link to download.
I found this book to be very helpful with the psychological aspect of quitting smoking.
Great advice Lori. Again. And thank you, as I will remember this should I ever become a smoker again.
I am their dad, and they are 3, 4 & 10. I think I've hidden things pretty well from the younger two (up until now, I have thought like Adam's dad, hoping I could hide things until the problem goes away magically one day. But it doesn't, you are right). I think the eldest knows. He knows about his mum (mom to you) too I think - I have unfortunately led her astray, towards ashtrays and lingering smells, but she too is now 3 weeks nicotine free (and coping well). But yeah, I need to be honest, I can see that now, but as Adam's dad would most likely say to you, why go there now I've quit?
I've heard so much about this book Debra. I didn't realise it was a free resource?
But thank you again, I have so much to read. I hope to get round to this also as it has helped so many people
Forgot to say Lori, UK is spot on. Well worked out.
Ok, so I can't tell from your writing if you are from Canada or the US? Judging by your bedtime last night though, I think East Coast either way?
I agree, there isn’t a good reason to go there now. But you should always be honest when they get older and are curious about smoking as most teens get. I think if we can use our experience and teach them through honesty what the addiction is like then all these years we spent smoking won’t be entirely in vain. Well, they likely are but something good may as well come of it. Teens don’t often listen but you can be a good example. Times are different too. When I was a teen in the upper Midwest (Michigan) we had a smoking are in my High School. Now kids are taught much more truth about smoking.
That is fantastic that your wife and you are both quitting! You could really use this as something to come together and celebrate with. Not to mention encourage and keep each other accountable with. Be honest with her too and let her know you have moments of doubt and reluctance. She likely does too and it may be helpful to you both.
Just don’t think putting it off is going to make any difference and you would just start back to end up wishing you were where you are. Keep going. It gets a lot better pretty quickly. The time is going to go by regardless so make it good time.
Have you shared the forum with your wife or is it better something for just you? Either way, stay close to here for a few weeks. All the data shows that success rates are higher with support whether you are cold turkey or using NRT.
Honestly, I still romance the smoke at least once a day. But I don’t want to be a smoker again. It just was not that good in so many ways.
I like breathing better and smelling better and not having the struggle.
I am in the Pacific Northwest, Portland, Oregon. I’m just a night owl. I did grow up in the Midwest though. Have you been here to the US? I’m told the PNW climate is much like England.
I've not been to the US yet Lori. But I do hope your weather is better than ours, as it rains way too often here. That does really make is appreciate the good days though, and we go all out and celebrate big time for easy and every sunny day and that makes living here worthwhile. That plus the abundance of culture. You been to Europe ever?
What's the north west like? Sounds pretty cool up there to me, and I've certainly heard a lot about some of the big cities around you.
My wife has been solid. But she only ever smoked a small proportion of what I did. She is coping well and doesn't need this forum. It's not her style anyways, as she prefers talking and watching stuff to reading and writing like I do. But you are right, we have helped each other by displaying (often fake) strength when the other person has had a moment of weakness.
I just had a fairly intense craving again, and I tried to take note of the sensation. The urges can take different forms, but the one I had just now is similar to the waves I experienced in the first 10 days: it built to a crescendo fairly quickly and the more attention I gave it, the worse it felt. And if I listened carefully, my heart was racing (with desire? panic? hope? desperation?)... I was also struggling for breath; it was almost as if there wasn't enough oxygen in my surroundings to allow me to take my fill in any satisfactory way, and this could only be rectified by breathing in the sweet smoke of a deliciously burning cigarette.