Good morning Eve...

I am in need of a Saint this AM. Why am I up since 5:15 when I don’t go in to work until 1pm?? Well...Aunt has cancelled ticket back. Why? She is ill. Yup. Is it Covid? Don’t know. She came to work yesterday and was seen and is awaiting results. Ugh. Yes, in hindsight when I got home that night to her text that she was coming I should have called back and said “Don’t!” Right? Yes. There are a few reasons I didn’t, which are still valid reasons...I did ask her if she wanted to stay in a hotel and said I would help her with that, but of course she didn’t want to, and perhaps given the situation I should have. Truthfully I was more worried about me bringing something to her than her bringing something to me. And for all I know this could be the case. At any rate... some of her symptoms match and some don’t. She did say last night if she was positive she would go to a hotel...but exposure is likely done. I have not sat and talked with her, the entire week except outside on my deck. Still, my house is small with one bathroom that has a packet of bleach wipes that I have religiously used on everything for the whole week each and every time I have been in there and had asked she do the same. Kitchen has been well supervised (except for the freezer with the ice cream, obviously). So...wait and see. I told her that even with a negative test, her symptoms according to CDC guidelines still require she treat herself as positive. So...that is first reason I need a Saint. My own stupidity in not being assertive and telling her not to come in the first place. Second reason??? Well...now we are getting in to trigger territory here, though with the first reason it is enough to stop me, but 2nd reason is I got a text from Stepson just before I left work telling me he was proud of my rendition of La Valse d’Amélie. This is the one of the songs that I played for her whilst she unknowingly to me sat behind me on my couch recording it and then posted on her FB. Yup. So, me, who has NO social media except for this forum now has a video on someone else’s! We went round last night a bit when I politely asked her to remove it. Her argument was her account is “friends only”, my argument is they are not my friends. And it is just plain rude in my opinion to do that without my permission and knowledge, right? Yes. So even though she is a bit ill, I stood my ground and went my rounds in a very assertive way with this. Stepson is gonna text me this AM and let me know it is removed as I expect. Ugh. Well...you know what they say about fish and relatives after three days? Yes...it is right now true. 
Im gonna go see John. He darn well better be there. Was last night, but in this world one never knows whence things poof away. Which is the main reason Aunt is still here. I was afraid may have been last time to see her. 

Ok Lore, here’s that curve ball I was talking about! 
    1st off, monitor her symptoms ( I know you know this). How long for test results? Has she been different places than you? 
You need to just relax, breathe and try not to worry about what you can’t control. 
 

She may just have a summer cold, not sure what your weather had been like. Do what YOU need to do to keep your sanity. 
 

Wait for results and breathe. Remember she may be just fine. I remember in the beginning of pandemic you (me too) we were highly on edge. You of course had more reasons to be, but you prevailed and continued to do your job. Has it gotten better? My opinion,.....NO......but we have learned to deal/accept/function in this very high stressful time! 
 

You will get through this TOO! 
 

Facebook issue, I agree with you. If you are uncomfortable about the video then she needs to respect that. You didn’t authorize her to post it. 
 

Breathe, Breathe, Breathe 

Hope this helps

Yes, it helps tons, thank you. I do doubt she has Covid, but who knows...? It is a very unpredictable disease with a broad spectrum of presentation.; which is what makes it scary really. As far as I know she hasn’t been around anyone else. I have taken her to the store a couple of times and we both wore mask in the car with windows down. She should get results today. She actually seems fine to me this AM when I got back just now. Said she feels better but is worried she will feel bad again later today as that’s what happened yesterday. From what I’ve seen and heard of COVID19 it does not behave that way. She could have mild case and is in the mend, but I doubt it would come and go and get bad again later today. But who knows? I’ve certainly been exposed a lot since February, and the PPE lame as it is some days based on availability has so far seemed to do it’s job. And I’m grateful. Will let you know about results. 
As far as the FB thing...that is what makes me mad. I would not even dream of posting anything anywhere without explicit permission of the person! Ever. And to have my Stepson tell me about it?? He is on her friend list as she is his Great Aunt. I will say honestly it crossed my mind driving by the gas station last night on my home from work I did have a fleeting thought of stopping to get smokes, which totally bummed me out about myself! I didn’t do it but felt bad even thinking about it. Actually said to myself out loud “what would that fix?” So I view that as progress for sure. Then I had the thought again after my discussion with her and she couldn’t understand why I was not happy. She said I should be proud of myself for playing the song so nicely and that she was and that was why she posted it. She just totally doesn’t get my feeling of her invasion of my privacy! But this is a woman who has many many times come up unannounced and visits. Peggy said something about a relative having the feeling of “open door policy “ and how maybe it used to be that way more. I do see a theoretical beauty to that...and I will always have an open door policy for my kids...but even my sisters who visited wouldn’t operate like this. 
So, yes, am breathing and walking and trying very hard to embrace the differences in people...but am struggling to define my boundaries too. I recognize that there is a ton of learning to be had from this, and I will have a ton of stuff in hindsight both positive and negative to process and write fodder about! Lol!!

Thank you Eve! Again....

Hey dear Lore,

Smoking won’t make any of this better!  It’s ok to prepare for the worse and think the best!  Your aunt visit has come at an inopportune time in you quit, when you may be dealing with the icky’s.  Good job on venting here instead of smoking.  

Sending you something to help for a bit.  

Oh, yes! Thank you Susan!!! Thank you so much!

Yes...I told myself I will write here and not smoke and so far it is a huge help! Actually am proud of myself at this point and it is having a positive effect of empowering me...so far!! The thoughts last night were acknowledged and confronted and not acted on. Yay!

Yes...an inopportune time for sure. But...at this point I’m asking myself would there have been a good time for some of the shenanigans?? Lol!! Well...that was not a nice thought and I apologise to the Fates and Universe for it...but it made me laugh at myself anyway! 
Good grief. I need my Mountain and space. Which since she cancelled her ticket will not happen this weekend either! Waaaaa! 
Will cry later as daughter just came and informed me that Aunt threw her pants in the wash with her clothes and her phone was in her pocket!! I have to go and scream now...

Oh for Pete’s Sake!!

It was daughter’s phone!! Ok. The breathing has just turned to....oh...BUGGERS! She put my daughter’s pants in with her clothes and daughter had phone in her pocket! I know I cannot swear on here. This has gone beyond the usual comedy of errors. Last time the dog and the Emergency Vet bill...now I have a teenager with a soaked iPhone! Holy crap. 
This is beyond my limits... there had darn well better be some ice cream for breakfast. 

Have two spoonful’s of ice cream!  That’s It girl, look at it from the detached side and there is some humor to be found.  The what’s next soon to follow! 

Ok...got daughter’s phone in a bowl of rice. She said it may help it dry out? It is old iPhone 5 and she was probably due for new one...

I thought when she came and told me that Aunt had washed her own phone. But it is daughter’s phone. Oh my stars. So, now I am thinking I might try to get to phone store before work and get ME new iPhone with good camera and give daughter my old one! Yes!!! I am doing it!! I am, as is said in the movie Shrek...”a donkey on edge!” Am gonna take daughter downtown and be there when store opens and get me new phone. Right. Now. Yes. That will make me feel better and I will take a picture of John tonight with new phone camera!! OMG. Aunt is not going with us to store. One of us might not come back!!!

There’s that silver lining!!  GO!

On my way now! Daughter is wanting to see if it dries out...and I am saying the heck with it and getting me new phone! Have been wanting one a bit bigger as I have a hard time typing on the one I have and I want a better camera too for my walks. So, yes, this is time when I am gonna rationalize and just go for it! I think daughter is bummed as she had a lot of photos on it she wanted. Not sure how all the technology works and if that stuff can be transferred but will find out. AND....I will learn something about this tech stuff too, so, yay! 
There was no ice cream though.  I am gonna need to take a week off of everything very soon. Very very soon. 
New pic of John coming tonight though!! From new phone! Yay! Wait...will all my pics go away from old phone???

oh...came back to tell you...daughter just said “I know...too much drama for momma”....Bless that child. I love her more than my own life for sure. She knows me well....