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One month 15 years ago   Quit Support

Started Jun-23 by CreakyBuddha; 113 views.
CreakyBuddha

From: CreakyBuddha

Jun-23

At about one month. 

>> Today am thankful for making it through yesterday without cracking. I had that taste in the back of throat all day. You know the one. After you have not had a smoke for a long time, it is there. WTF? I made it. I made it through lunch and dinner and coming back from the grocery store and sitting on the swing and taking a walk and ... it was a long day. I woke up with a smile instead of being pissed off as soon as I opened my eyes this morning. I am thankful for that. I said a prayer this morning and in addition to my usual asking for forgiveness for sins past and future I gave thanks for the strength to get through the bad days. I said thanks for the push to the right side of the fence when I was teetering.

I went to 7-11 for something yesterday and while standing at the register I kept looking down because I did not want to look at the cigarette rack. I could feel that pack o' reds staring at me. I think I have lost my mind. Nicotine is some powerful stuff. It's pull is still there.

I am going to clean up the rest of my little corner of the world today. Last weekend I made quite a mess planting things and moving bushes. I am thankful I can do that kind of work and not be tired and wheezing after a few minutes.

I am just feeling pretty blessed this morning. I feel like something slid off of me overnight. A break in the clouds? I don't know. I am going to go with it though. Days like this, mornings like this, make the bad ones a whole lot easier to deal with. Looking back I guess that is just how it happens. Gradually more good days and less bad days, peaks and valleys. I should know this by now. Though in the middle of a yesterday I wouldn't/didn't allow myself to see that. I am a stubborn type. I hate to fail. Alot of times it is just that that pulls me through. I can go on and on in my head about health, better quality of life, money saved but more often than not it is about me versus "them". I just could not look at myself in the mirror if I failed at this.

Every day like that I make it through makes me a little stronger. Every day like that I make it through gives me more confidence that I can make it through the next bad one.

I am thankful for that bit of strength and confidence I earned yesterday. Tomorrow it might make all the difference

TinyBadger

From: TinyBadger

Jun-23

Congratulations! You give me hope for the future. I haven't ventured to s convenience store yet, I'm so afraid. Even when I buy gas at the pump, I long just to go inside and look. Thank you for sharing, I'm really excited for you.

CreakyBuddha

From: CreakyBuddha

Jun-23

You are tougher than you think.  You can do it. Stare 'em down. The clerk will think you are crazy.

TinyBadger

From: TinyBadger

Jun-23

I'm sure the clerk will! Especially because the cigarettes are behind them! 

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