About Smoking Cessation Forum

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Formerly known as the About.com Smoking Cessation support forum, this community is open to all who are recovering from nicotine addiction.

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Back after a relapse    Introductions/Newcomers Nook

Started 7/15/20 by andrewuk1983; 1463 views.

From: andrewuk1983


Hi all, 

I originally posted here at the start of June and all the messages of support and encouragement were amazing.  I did last for a week or so but I have unfortunately relapsed since then, and so I've basically stayed away from here, out of embarrassment I guess.  

I'm not a full-time smoker.  I was, for 11 years, and then 6 years ago I cut down a lot, and have for the past 6 years smoked once or twice a week, mainly at the weekend.  My issue is that I hate it - I know I can do without them, and I'm basically going through a weekly quitting process, which is stressful and unhealthy.  

So, I smoked what will be my last ever cigarette 24 hours ago, at 11:30pm UK time last night.  I am not going to touch another.  I hope it's ok to come here and chatter on about it when I need to!

I wanted to ask if anyone has any advice for friends who encourage smoking?  I have a couple of friends like that, and they too are social smokers.  In the past when I've tried to quit, they've encouraged me to smoke, presumably because it makes them feel better to have someone to smoke with.  Does anyone have any advice about how to manage that?  My intention is not to be harsh or defensive, but basically to make a joke of it, and say, "hey, don't encourage me just to make yourself feel better! if you want to smoke, go ahead, but don't involve me".

Any tips on that or general quitting tips will be really appreciated.  


From: SusanK1960



I have reference an article that could possibly help you come up with a friendly diversion....


How about #10 in the above article? What is positive thoughts for you doesn’t have to be negative for your friends.


From: slowblumer


andrewuk1983 said:

I did last for a week or so but I have unfortunately relapsed since then, and so I've basically stayed away from here, out of embarrassment I guess.  

Hi Andre,

Welcome back.  I hope you will not hesitate to use this forum anytime, regardless of how many relapses.  It takes many people several attempts to quit smoking before they are successful.  

I was thinking back on quitting smoking about the smoking 'friends' I had before I quit(mostly from work).  Funny how they stopped coming by for break after I quit.  Got me to realize that they just wanted company while they smoked.


From: andrewuk1983


Thanks very much for sharing Susan, that's a really good article. 

I've got into some bad habits with social smoker friends where we'll go halves on a packet of cigarettes if we're together.  I'm quite strong when I'm on my own and rarely feel the need to smoke when I'm not around others who are smoking, but as soon as I meet up with people who smoke, I become weak.

The challenge for me is that whereas they will just have four or five cigarettes, I'll smoke 10-20, and then buy more the next day, before I get angry with myself and stop again.  

I think I probably just need to be honest in that scenario and explain that it doesn't work for me like that - i.e. if I have some, I'll be hooked for a few days again, and I'm not prepared to take that risk.


From: andrewuk1983


Hi Marge,

Thank you for being so welcoming.  It's great to have this forum to come to.  

I think you're right about people wanting company when they smoke and I guess in my case, a couple of my social smoker friends want someone to smoke with them so they feel better about it.  I can even make light of it and say that I'm not going to smoke just to make them feel better - it's their decision.  Importantly, I think what'll help is if I make it clear I'm not trying to stop them from doing it.  Maybe me abstaining will actually be a good influence on them as well :)

I've got a quit tracker on my phone and I'm 1 day 17 hours smokefree now, so that makes me feel good.  The longest I've ever gone without cigarettes is two weeks.  If I can get past that it'll be a big milestone for me :)


From: TinyBadger


I'm a June quitter, too. I don't know anyone who smokes other than my co-workers, and they don't ask me out anymore, like Marge. I just wanted to drop you a line and encourage you. I quit for 10 days before my husband quit, and it sucked. I use nrt and that helped, but I basically just kept my distance. He was polite enough to not smoke when I was nearby, but I'd be looking for him and he'd be out on the deck. It sounds lame, but I just kept busy and reminded myself how bad he stunk, that his fingers were yellow and that he coughed. I hoped that by my quitting I could be an example for him to know that he can quit, if he wants to. I didn't preach or scold, I kept my mouth shut. But when he was ready, I was so pleased and happy to support him. I wanted to prove to myself that I am strong and could do anything I want to. This is getting long, so ill just say that I've come back here after relapse and it's ok, promise. I post all the time and no one complains, so post away! You can totally do this, even if you have to take a short break from your friends. Post an sos if you need it, I check in and read often. You will do this, if you plan ahead as best you can for temptation.


From: Loreficent


Tiny...you are so strong!! 
Andrew, you are too. Glad to see you back! Trying to figure out when you sleep though as aren’t you like 8 hours ahead? Lol! Also, if I remember...doesn’t your partner smoke? That adds a layer if they aren’t quitting too, but...Tiny is a good example for that!

Post to your hearts content!! Whatever gets you through it. Seriously? I’ve written a ton of natter on here. I‘ve even posted pictures of a plant that I named! Hahaha! It is all good...whatever works. Just write instead of smoke. It works. We are all here for each other and it is a beautiful place. Welcome back!


From: andrewuk1983


Thank you for replying and for all your words of support.  My partner smokes on and off too, like I do, and we are a bad influence on each other really.  I think that's true with friends as well - basically my two best friends who I've known for years are social smokers, and will often light up with a drink or with other smokers.  I guess even if they are asking me or suggesting sharing a pack, if I'm firm, it will eventually stick.  I think they're used to me being easily swayed and so they suggest it so that they feel better.  One of them even said to me once that they expect me to smoke with them as they've bought cigarettes (and this was when I was trying to quit).... thinking about it, that was a bit unfair and I should've said so.  I think really though, this is about me - I guess nobody can stuff a cigarette in my mouth and force me to inhale!  


From: andrewuk1983


Thanks Loreficent for your reply... yes you're right, my partner does smoke, occasionally (the same as me) so we are definitely a bad influence on each other.  It's my turn now to be the good influence I think!!  I remember you said that it was about proving myself right, rather than proving others wrong.  I've been thinking about that and you are absolutely spot on, it really doesn't matter what anyone else is doing or how much they try to push me - I am the one who makes the ultimate decision whether to smoke or not.  It sounds ridiculous, but I feel like because I'm quitting, the whole world should quit too?!  I guess there will always be people smoking but it doesn't mean it's right that I should.  That being said, I do sort of wish that governments would ban cigarettes (although I know it would probably lead to more crime etc etc).


From: Jatchat


Good luck with your quit Andrew, I know how tempting it can be when others around you smoke, my wife smokes, and when I am weak I join her, but now I am putting my foot down and quitting again, the longest I have quit this year is 10 weeks and I busted when I moved from a 14 mg patch to 7 mg patch, so I am going to continue on the 7 mg patch and supplement with gum if I have to. other than that this forum is a great support, and people will go out of their way to lend a hand with some appropriate advice. 

Kind regards