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Day 21 - WEEK 3    Quit Support

Started Oct-23 by Jaka38; 11334 views.
Loreficent

From: Loreficent

Oct-28

My weather thing says it will be 3°C when I get up for work. Why is this?? I think Moldova is sounding very nice a Jaka. That is warmer than us right? I was just reading about it. Sounds very pretty!

Have a good smoke free Wednesday! Do they call it “hump day” there like here? Goodnight from cold Portland! dizzy

Jaka38

From: Jaka38

Oct-28

Wednesday is sreda and is similar to hump day. It means middle

I was reading http://www.quitsmokingonline.com since you recommended it. It's very interesting indeed.  I like the simplicity of it which is quite obvious since it is from the handbook of mindfulness. And yes, it's also reminiscent to Carr in a sense that's an easy method, without struggle. 

Methods like that one are probably extremely helpful and beneficial for some people. I don't doubt that. But you know what ... for me there is one problem with this very popular secular mindfulness movement. It's very simple, few instructions actually. They jump from breath monitoring to observing feelings and sensations too quickly if you ask me. Also here with this approach. Instruction goes something like: except craving for what it is and you'll see it as pure energy etc. That's totally all right and of course it's true but he's adresing average person with no prior meditation practice here. I mean I practice for some years now and I  can't say I'm able to experience this other way of looking, the way with no suffering to it. This is something advanced meditators can do, those zen monks in his introduction for example. But not average person, not someone at the beginning of this path. My point is that's unrealistic and can produce the opposite effect of what was primary intention. Some people could get discouraged or give up. I don't know... It's not so easy to just change and reprogram one's mindset.

I tried, for example, to observe the craving or some other sensation. It went fine with few of them but than some distraction come around, some thought. And there you go away... That's in formal siting meditation where is much easier to observe those phenomena for what they truly are. Now imagine that in everyday situations with stream of distractions constantly flowing, taking away intention to be mindful etc. Do you understand what I want to say here? What was your experience of it?

Loreficent

From: Loreficent

Oct-28

That is interesting Jaka, and I agree. It is funny you said what you did because the first guy I sent it to said “It made me want to smoke!”
I also found it too simple, like Carr, but this one makes attempt to speak to using mindfulness, where I felt Carr was even more simple like “just flip the switch”. So I felt it was more of a start on how to do what Carr said. Does that make sense? 
I am not as experienced as you with meditation I think. I am working on it, but I see why they call it a “practice”. It is not something you just do with finesse at first. I don’t want to, or mean to write that and scare folks from starting it, but, I think if they realize it takes practice it helps to know that. I didn’t know at first and found myself frustrated in the beginning. Now, not as much. But I talked to my shrink a lot about it as he has been mediator for years. Reading Tara Brach and doing the exercises helped too. 
Off to work now, more soon! Have a lovely day in Ljubljana! blush

Loreficent

From: Loreficent

Oct-28

Oh, shrink has been meditator for years, not mediator. I guess maybe he could be both?? 
How is the day there? relaxed We still have a very foggy morning so it makes work start off more slowly. We will pay for that at the end though. Now they just took off another of my colleagues for the day for illness too, so we are working short again. Yay! joy Haha,  not fun, but I think if I fool myself to laughing it will help! joy

Jaka38

From: Jaka38

Oct-28

Actually I am not that experienced mediator. I read a lot about it but that doesn't mean anything. Right now my practice is in sleep mode, joy. Since I quit smoking. It's frustrating because it feels like beginning again. But it's what you said about it, practice and path. That's the hardest part for me to crack. To comprehend intellectually is not such problem but experimentally is something totally different. 

I'm now in day 27. That's quite amazing. I do get pretty happy, almost excited, from time to time. That's really huge for me as it is for you and all the people here. Especially because I believe that this is it. That's new. Funny thing, I didn't have many cravings in a form: want cigarette now. Just a few. It's much easier now. What is still persisting is this strong facial tension and piercing headaches from bodily sensations and mental states of anger, anxiety, fear... and poor concentration. That's probably the main reason why I can't practice as before. Or is it something else at play here? Mind resisting, protesting, boycotting concentration. Perhaps to trick me back to smoking? Massage: if you start dmoking again you'll be able to meditate. That actually sounds like junkie mind, does it?

Lovely day to you too to Portland wink Hope its not too cold? Ah, just checked and it's 16°C. That's the same as heatwave here joy

GI_JOE (JoelJose)

From: GI_JOE (JoelJose)

Oct-29

Hi Jaka, its my 37th day of quitting. I hope we could celebrate the anniversary together!

Loreficent

From: Loreficent

Oct-30

Ljubljana 8° C, Portland 8° C.
The world must be balanced Jaka! joy 
This means we are too. Goodnight from Portland. Have a good strong 28th day! wink

Jaka38

From: Jaka38

Oct-30

Thanks Lore. It's not that balanced though. Perhaps if you're looking at a big picture? Today I feel like in a begining again. I need to run out of apartment because I wasn't able to control my anger. Actually fear behind it. I heard it thousand times now that it takes time but can't find that very useful when in a midst of it. 

I'm thinking a lot about NRT lately. I think I talked about it with StruggleHard. Perhaps I made a mistake to go cold turkey, perhaps it would be better to try this. Or is this only junkie mind trying to get me back where I was. It's such agony, this doubt and everything. Probably it's not really a choice now, since I'm almost a month in it. 

Actually Lore it's similar to that site. I can't handle all those emotions that come with a quit. I'll just keep walking to calm this restlessness a bit. 

Jaka38

From: Jaka38

Oct-30

To continue where I left it before. Can't be still but can't write about it either. This day is such a struggle I could scream. It's unbelievable what this smoking does to our minds. I feel empty, irritated, lost. It's like one of the first days, not able to handle my emotional rollercoaster. I'm just sending arrows around knowing it's not them but still unable to stop. 

A lot of thoughts is popping up. Similar to those I mentioned before: is it too late for NRT, did I make mistake, I should better prepare myself for quitting etc. It's so exhausting. I went for a long walk, now we'll go on a hill nearby. Anyway, this condition doesn't change today. It's a torture. 

I can see it now. This junkie mind is trying to convince me to give up. I'm so tired. Also thinking  of giving up, what's the point... I'm asking myself again and again: is there end to it. Is that a light in the end of a tunnel? Or is it just another train comming? Right now , definitely second option. Train after train, though after though...

Is that normal? To experience such intense cravings once again? That's crazy. I can feel tightness rising and squeezing my facial muscles in particular. Around mouth, around nose, cheeks, around eyes, forehead... all tense. It loses its grip and than again after a while. That's unbelievable. And all that only because I quit poisoning myself, because I don't want to be addicted anymore. A part of my mind, junkie part, is still not ok with it. 

Loreficent

From: Loreficent

Oct-30

Oh Jaka, I’m so sorry first that this is a struggle day. It is though. Honestly? I had one that was close last night. Not as intense as yours, but the thoughts of “why bother?” I tried to come on here, write upbeat things to Luke and Dan, send my girl Tribe a hug...still...I just couldn’t shake it. Darkness. Void. Longing. A little bit of mad. A lot of depressed. I read through what White Knight wrote. I read through AnnieXS and Debbie. Searching for a lifeline. Deep down I knew I didn’t want to smoke. I knew I probably was not going to. I waited till I knew closest store to walk to was closed as I knew I wouldn’t likely drive out to get some but before I went to bed I asked my daughter to put my keys under her pillow anyway. Then I went to bed. Sad. Wishing in a way I hadn’t taken this on till after the Election! Now...that definitely was junkie thinking! I quit in February! What does election have to do with it now? Nothing. Just my mind telling me this is a way to justify it. So, I woke up and see that Debbie wrote to Eve in the thread I’ve been reading a lot in. Eve is about a month ahead of me. We are in “the tricky 8-11 months”. 
Now I’m going to tell you about August. I had been off the patch for several weeks. But I had a situation where a relative came unexpectedly and I knew it was going to be a big challenge. I knew also I would be setting myself up in many ways to fail because of this. But I also still had some 7mg patches. So even after weeks of nothing, I told myself that I would and could use a patch and made a deal in my mind with myself that if the nicotine was what I really wanted I would do this, but I could NOT smoke. And I did it. I put a patch on after several weeks of nothing. After weeks of being able to run for over an hour 3 times a week! So...I am not saying for YOU to do this. I am saying though as absolute last resort, if you think you cannot do this, absolute last resort it would still be better than for you to smoke. You are 28 days. Nicotine is out of your body, but you still have receptors. This is the problem. They are very hungry and angry they are starving. They will definitely shut down quicker if you keep going. 
Im cc’ing old timers and Eve. We need help today. I hope this is ok with you! kissing_heart
We are a community Jaka. We will do this together.

  • Edited October 30, 2020 9:29 am  by  Loreficent
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