Hi all, well today I try to give up again. I’ve lost count the times I’ve tried to give up and stay given up but at least I’m trying again I suppose!! The longest I’ve been a non smoker is 12 months but that was several years ago. I need to get my mental attitude to work better to support me but whenever I feel stressed, fed up or just bored, I always give in and have a cigarette. 
I really need to give up for good though as I’ve been smoking for 30 plus years and am now staring to feel it. I get breathless at times and am quite worried about how I’ll cope if I catch Covid. My daughter also HATES me smoking so really need to give up for good. The main issue is that I don’t know if I want to give up 100%. I’ve read a lot about it on this site and have even been to the Allen Carr clinic 3 times!! But there is always that thought in my mind that my life will be so crap and unenjoyable without a cigarette. I know it’s sounds stupid but they thought just won’t go away. Any advice or tips would be greatly appreciated xx

Hi mariatucks. I'm only 5 days into my quit and just slightly longer on the site. I really encourage you to read everything there is under the November 2020 New Ex-Smokers tab. One article might lead you to another and all of them are so so helpful. I smoked for 10 years and never wanted to quit, but the logic that I found here about the cessation really helped change the way I think about smoking. 

When you said you daughter hated you smoking, I can relate as the daughter! I don't know how old she is, but growing up, I always always hated the fact that my mom smoked. She is 60 now and still hasn't quit. Like you said, she feels like she doesn't want to give it up 100%. 

It might not feel like it, but I believe everyone or almost everyone here once felt the same thing; probably some are still feeling that despite having quit. But the truth is, for me at least, it makes sense not to want to give it up. When have we ever given up anything we truly enjoyed? 

But the key here is to understand more of this thing "that we truly enjoy". What do we like about it? Why does it make us feel good? Why does it make us feel guilty? Why does it have a bad reputation? Why are we ignoring the health risks? Why are many doing it in secret? I believe if you look for the answers to all these questions (and more), you will understand what's happening behind "wanting to quit but actually not really". You will encounter explanations on the "junkie mentality" (we were junkies the whole time), and how our minds play a bigger role in our smoking habit than we realized. 

Please keep writing! 

Thank u so much for getting back to me. What u said makes perfect sense. I am going to try to answer those questions in a bit!! Do u know why I think it’s so hard though is that it will go against all the brain washing I’ve done to myself for 30 years in order to remain a smoker!! It will be hard but NOT impossible. 
my daughter is 13 and my biggest supporter!! Xx

I understand, I think. Well you managed to convince yourself that it was okay and necessary to smoke for 30 years. Maybe if you it peel off layer by layer you will be able to undo the brainwashing  

I wish you all the best!

Have you ever read Allan Carr's easy way to quite smoking?  It is an excellent read and explains a lot of the phycology behind the smoking addiction.    

Thank you xx

I read the book several years ago and have also been to his clinic 3 times it worked for a year first time, several months the second time but didn’t work at all on my third visit!!

How many times have you started smoking?   Once I got past the first week, I stopped thinking about it as quitting smoking and started thinking about it as "I am not going to start smoking again."  It is easier not to start something than to quit something.  Sounds silly but it helped a lot.  I haven't suffered hardly at all.  This has been relatively easy for me. 

I guess if you have read Allan Carr's book three times, you pretty much get what he is trying to say.  There are also great articles in the forum Library about changing your attitude about quitting.  I know its difficult but, if you can get your mind to work in your favour rather than against you, than I think you've got more than 50% of the fight won.    

Find that thing that makes you feel good (exercise, reading, sewing, cooking, eating) and do a lot of that.  Realize your body is healing and healing takes time.  Give yourself lots of hugs and back pats for job well done every minute of everyday you carry on.    

If you can convince yourself to smoke for years and years, you can convince yourself not to smoke.

Cheers  

Thank u Anne xxx

Oh Anne, that's a brilliant way of looking at it. I am not going to start smoking again instead of I need to stay quit. It suggests that we are already in a certain state and don't wish to be swayed or changed. Love it, thanks! 

It's these little ways of looking at things are the ones that make a huge difference for me.