Hi all. I haven't been active participant of this forum lately but nevertheless I have some thoughts and observations I'd love to share with you. It's day 117, almost 4 months without cigarettes. It's been hell at a beginning as some of you might remember from my old posts. I guess it was pretty classical experience since I read many others as well. Ok, after this initial turmoil of first month things got better and better till a point I didn't think of smoking at all. For days, weeks actually.

Now I noticed more and more cravings popping up in my mind accompanied with thoughts very familiar to all of us. All this is very subtle in comparison, nothing serious actually. The thing is that it's much more frequent, on daily basis. I'm not scared at all, I notice it or not, and keep doing whatever it is I'm doing in that moment. Why telling all this anyway? Because that's exactly what brought be back to smoking in my previous quits. Ok, I came this far only once, without single puff,  but still. Am I worried? Not really. I think I can manage it pretty well, i think I'll get through. Now it's different. I don't give cravings a momentum as before, don't fantasizing about it endlessly, don't planning, ... it's just a fear I guess. It's a thought like "when I meet this guy I'll smoke", "I'll go to store and buy some", etc. Very spontaneously coming into my consciousness and than passing through leaving slightly unpleasant taste. That's it ...

I'd just like to hear what the rest of you think about it, what are your experiences. What's the best way to stay on path? And how to deal with occasional cravings? 

You will have cravings or thoughts your whole life.  Best way to stay on path?  Just don't SMOKE.  

When I quit my one other time was when I found out I’m pregnant and stayed quit for ten years. That quit, I have to say, was easy because the body changes and it was rejected smoking. The craves for it left naturally. And giving birth I had some medical issues which kept me not picking cigarettes back up which was easy since I didn’t smoke for ten months. So why did I start smoking again? Ugh! I’d like to blame a neighbor who smoked and we hung around a lot. But we know it’s not her who made me smoke. I think the first time I quit I never educated myself about the effects of nicotine and about its addiction. It just sort of happened. I think when we work hard at quitting it makes us stronger because we know how hard it is and we do not ever want to go through that again. And this time around, I know fully what cigarette smoking does to my health. Also, the difference between then and now maybe just age. I’m older (maybe wiser) and I see the future of old age being more immediate. The oxygen tank is not just someone else’s story. Good luck to you Jaka and it sounds like you got this!!

Honestly Jaka, I’m not sure there is a finish line! I’ve come to a place of acceptance of being an addict, and therefore recognize I will likely have a part that is always vulnerable. I don’t see that as a negative though, but I see it more that great strength lies in awareness, and that includes awareness of our vulnerability. I’ve seen quite a few folks come and go here this past 11months. On one hand, it at times deters me from reaching out to them. Sorry if that hurts any feelings, but it gets old saying the same thing all the time. I still do of course as I believe what I say when I do offer support. I also recognize that the biggest part of this is what many who come and go are weaker in, and that is truly accepting the addiction piece and coming to terms with it and making peace with it. The other part is, which is also something you are aware of, is it takes a good deal of grabbing our own boot laces and bucking up and staying committed. We do this all the time in our lives, right? I mean, do you really want to go to work every day that you go? How about cleaning the toilet? You really want to do that? There’s a billion things in our lives that we will do simply because they need to be done and not because they are some joyous pleasure. I read all the time on here people talking about “being ready” or waiting for the “right time”. Well, I remember when in my first month I wrote about knowing if I was going to wait for that, it was never going to happen. That is still true. There are moments I still catch myself wanting one. And I think about it still every day. Like you, the thoughts don’t linger too long, and I don’t cave. I just see the thought, wave hello, and carry on. It’s a part of me. I’ve come to terms with it. I know what it takes to keep it in check. Sometimes it involves a little fancy footwork on my part for it not to become checkmate. And next day? New game! Yay!  Give me some time and I’ll come up with some more metaphors and analogies. For now, just stay in the game one day at a time. Nobody knows for sure that they are gonna wake up tomorrow, and not a single one of us has that guaranteed whether we’ve ever smoked or not. Stay in the game today. You did a very very wise thing by recognizing the thoughts and coming here and writing. Strong work and smart play. Tomorrow...maybe we will talk about hunters and prey, lol!

Ljubljana 0° C   Portland 4°C

Good to see you! I so so missed that tiny zero! 

Hi Jaka - You and I seem to have so much similarity in our journeys! I am at day 121 and I have been feeling extra crave-y the last few days.  I keep saying to my spouse, why now, why today?  I have no good answer.

NOTHING is as bad as it was almost 4 months ago, but I am again to the point of needing the deep breathing exercises and some physicality to get past the craves.  I had a dream the other night that I smoked.  It wasn't the first such dream either.  In it, I was surprised that the cig tasted so good to me - like I had never stopped, but I was also very disappointed I had smoked.  I was so glad to realize it was only a dream when I was awake!

I haven't been as successful about not thinking about them as you have - I'm more like Loreficent - I think about them almost daily, some days quite a bit.  I won't give in either, and I am hopeful the day will come when it's no longer a top thought in my mind.  I need to believe that at some point I can just be a non-smoker instead of a struggling ex-smoker, if that makes any sense.

I have a friend who quit a few years ago.  She told me she thought about smoking what felt like every minute of every day for 8 months and then miraculously it just wasn't in her thoughts anymore.  I know that sounds far-fetched, but I need to believe that can happen for me, too!

I'm going to go call my Dad who's been recently diagnosed with lung cancer and is undergoing treatment.  That will also help to put things in perspective although ironically sometimes it makes the craves stronger.  I also lost my mom to lung cancer almost 20 years ago, and that didn't even get me to quit.  I'm that much older and more terrified now, though.  Especially since both my parents got it.  

We can do this!

Yes but it's amazing to stay sober for 10 year. No matter the reason  if you wouldn't do that you'd have 10 more years of smoking. 

I agree that education about it is essential at a beginning and also later on. It is very easy to forget motivation if you don't remind yourself from time to time.

Actually I'm not sure if I really got it. Or at least I don't want to be overly optimistic or enthusiastic about it since something similar get me back in a past. Meaning it's better to remain cautious 

Good luck to you as well. I'm sure you will nail it this time 

Noooo Lore, it must be a finish line, it must

Seriously it does sound pessimistic on a surface but I agree with you that it's actually quite the opposite. Because we are thought about in our culture what is strong and what is weak. Thay are on different angles of a line, the opposites. But in reality it is not like that at all. I'm glad that you write that or mentioned it since it's so easy to forget. I often find myself in old paterns or beliefs thinking I'm weak when sad or something similar. It's so nice to just stay with it ...

First you said it's no finish line, now you're talking about no guarantee.  Actually it's better this way. It can't be the other way around because there are no guarantees in life. Why is it so hard to really get those deep life truths? I mean they are so simple on intellectual level but so slippery to live by...

Tiny zero is our thing Lore 

Oh so glad to hear from you. Especially since you're still on track. I like when you said that seeing your parents suffering is not just motivational. Not only toward desirable destination. I remember similarly that whenever I heard my grandmother coughing I went smoking right after. Sometimes I even give her some cigarettes since I knew there was nothing anyone could do to make her better. I'm ashamed about it now that I mentioned it 

I'm sure you will get there, we all will. Although there is no finish line and no guarantees as mentioned in Lores post  But you know that. I'd never thought I'd come this far. After so many unsuccessful quits. And now I'm talking about not thinking about smoking for days. That's really amazing. And you know what else? That I don't need it in everyday situations where they were mandatory in a past. With coffee and after lunch, early in a morning and before bedtime, when sad or happy, while waiting... That was unimaginable before as well so I think we should be proud of ourselves at least a bit.

I'm really glad you're doing so well 

Haha, ok Jaka...there is finish line. Same one for all of us someday!

Oh boy. I do see how that could sound pessimistic, but it isn’t really. I guess I’m just not one to live in fantasy land too much and find it best to stay grounded in some form of reality and acceptance of our frailty. I think there is nobody better at rationalization than a smoker. Good gawd. Look at what we did to our bodies. And we could justify it so many ways, yes? Thing is, I could still talk myself into it given the right circumstances maybe, so it’s best for me to accept that part and see the vulnerability and weakness. Weak doesn’t mean “less” as weak/ strong isn’t a less or more, better or worse thing to me. It’s just weakness. I have lots of it for different things.

Excuse me. I thought I was going to expound in an intelligent way on how you said it is not pessimistic but the opposite but I think my brain is still not ready!  More soon when I’m better I hope.

Ljubljana 2° C  Portland 8°C

Lore 38.3°C