Formerly known as the About.com Smoking Cessation support forum, this community is open to all who are recovering from nicotine addiction.
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Oh no, NOT the wagon heading for the 'cut down on the wine' depot! Well if you manage it can you haul me up, kicking and screaming, for the ride?
In reality, I am pretty keen to clamber on anyway. I need to be focused to stay off the smokes, and I've noticed a definite correlation between wine and weight gain (who'd have guessed?). If I'm fat AND drunk, I think I'm more likely to go down the self-loathing, what's the point of quitting route. Last night was the first time in a week without any alcohol at all, and it actually felt good. I slept better too, although in all fairness I was completely knackered from work and went to bed early, so I'm not that heroic really. Still, I'm aiming to do the same tonight.
Eleven days today! Thanks for all the help, dear friend. I'm starting to believe that I might be able to do this.
Thanks Anthony - it's eleven days! How far are you along now? I hope you're still feeling good. I'm not doing too well with exercise either, but I'm going to try harder.
Hah - determination. The truth is, it comes and goes, but getting onto the forum really does help there. If I'm feeling a bit weedy and miserable and starting to feel like I'm depriving myself, this place cures it pretty fast.
Please can we have more photos soon?
Edit: just seen that you're 21 days quit. That's fantastic. Three weeks of freedom and improving health! You can do this!
How are you doing? 11 days now - yay that’s so great! I seem to remember week 2 is known as Heck Week (after Hell Week). And yes, being grumpy speak-before-you-think grouches with your partner goes with the territory. I’m sure Mike can take it in his stride - it’s all part of your recovery.
My husband was a huge help in getting free from smoking for good. He hates smoking and hated to see the effect it had on me - said it made me look grey and anxious. As for why I smoked - I started when I was 17 as a sort of outlet - at first I kept it a secret but it still felt rebellious! Similar to what you said, I think it offered a sort of smoke screen to hide behind - when I didn’t want to face difficult feelings I would think ‘oh goodie I can have a cigarette’. Throughout my 20s I told myself I would quit when I was 30. In the end it took a few attempts over a few years, and that time was pretty miserable as I was now confronted with my addiction. I hated that feeling of slavery - panicking when I realised I was running out of tobacco on a Sunday evening, or paying more and more as the prices went up. The final clincher was when we got engaged - I did not want to spend my wedding day feeling stressed about when I would get a chance to smoke! And now we have our little daughter, I’m so glad I’m not distracted with smoking or worrying about breathing toxic fumes on her.
I think quitting does force you to change as a person - for me, it’s been about facing those difficult feeling and learning to deal with them in constructive (or less destructive!) ways. And accepting I deserve to be free of the addiction every day - not just on my wedding day. Everyone deserves that freedom but the addiction keeps you down, right where it can control you.
Sorry bit of a ramble but hope that makes some sort of sense!
Re listening to your children - I’m sorry you feel the signs were there that your son wanted help but you didn’t see them. I hope you don’t beat yourself up about this - parenting and mental health are both so complicated! We can only do what we think is best at the time (not that I mean you did anything wrong). Also whatever you feel about then, it’s not like you stop being a parent - your relationship now with your son is just as important.
I feel pretty daunted when I think about my daughter growing up -being a teenager! How will I know what to do/say?? And even when I do know, will I always have the patience?!
Meanwhile, raven-type birds - yes I dig them too! They are so smart (that one certainly outsmarted me over our rice cakes) and inquisitive. I’m sure there is a particular one in Devon who thinks of you as the kind person who shared her pasty crumbs :)
I saw you mentioned that when the diet and drinking come unstuck it can feel like ‘well, s*d it then I might as well smoke’. I’ve been there but remember:
Some days it’s enough that you just don’t smoke.
As long as you don’t smoke you stay on the path to health and happiness!
Id better go and do some work now while daughter is napping. I work as an editor for a biomedical journal - luckily we haven’t been affected by the pandemic apart from having to work at home and not travelling to conferences. It must have been so scary to be self employed when the pandemic started. Glad you were able to get some of the government support eventually.
4th March 2017
Hi Suzy, it's good to see a friendly face, congratulations on reaching double figures 11 days is great, I am on 20...waiting for 21 in two hours time, It's some unearthly hour in the morning here...can't sleep! What's new. will look for some photos... Congrats again...
I'm glad it's going well - I think visiting a smoker and not being too bothered about it is amazing!
It wasn't rambling - it made complete sense! I really do know the rebellion, and the squashing down of feelings with a ####. That grey and anxious look too - in fact one of the things that helped me decide to quit was looking at the mirror and thinking how old and rough I was looking. It didn't help that Mike had switched the coloured LEDs in the bathroom to green - I try to keep them on the peachy setting - I almost had to check my own pulse to see if I was actually alive, it was that bad. My skin is looking better already, which is another huge and early benefit. I do feel very lucky to see the signs of healing already.
It sounds as if you might have chosen a tough time to quit too? I worked at a wedding venue for a while, and it struck me at the time that wedding planning was quite... stressful? A great reason to quit, though, and how lovely that your daughter is breathing clean air and will never know you as a smoker.
I'm afraid I do beat myself up about my son - a little bit, anyway. Even though I know that I did the best I could at the time and that hindsight is 20/20, there's still that wondering if his problems could have been prevented if I'd done something differently. We do have a good relationship and can talk about most things, but it's hard to see him suffering. It's a huge comfort that my daughter is happy and thriving, but I don't want to compare them either - they've had different paths. I just hope that my son will get through it, because he's a lovely, kind, funny person who deserves to be happy as much as the next person.
I don't think you need to feel daunted - no-one is more qualified to be your daughter's mum than you, after all - you will know what to do. As for not always having patience, who does? And perhaps the discovery that people aren't always patient with you is an important life lesson.
Thank you for the kind words about Mister Crow (his first name is Stone, as in Stone The Crow). Mike's working today but when he gets home we'll go for a walk on the beach and see if we can find him. I will take the last of the biscuits that I Must Not Eat with me. Thanks too for the reminder that some days it's enough that you just don't smoke - I actually quoted that to someone else on here today; I'd forgotten that it was you who said it.
Wow, what an interesting job! I had wondered if you were a writer, actually - I think you're very good at it. I'm glad your work hasn't been affected by the pandemic, although I imagine that working from home brings its own difficulties, especially with a small person in the house :)
Thanks again for the help, Katie, and don't worry - I am staying on the path to health and happiness!
Thank you for the photos, Anthony - I love how different the bridge looks in different light. I look at them and take a deep breath and go "yeahhhhh" - it's WAY better than smoking!
And talking of smoking, I believe that SOMEONE round here may have just hit the three week mark? Congratulations, Anthony. This is your time, I'm sure of it, so hang on with both hands and don't let go.
See you soon.
I don't intend to let it go without a fight Suzy, I'm glad you like the photos, pity there wasn't more variety in subject matter, but it is the light I mean to capture, and there are subtle differences to each photo. 21 days wow I can't believe I'm this far along the track, though I credit you guys for sustaining my quit, without the support I would have given up the ghost long ago
Thanks once again
Congratulations on being 21 days quit!
I really enjoy your pictures. I have spent a fair amount of money on camera's and all the accessories that go with them. I have a Nikon SLR now. But I don't get pictures as good as yours. I always tell people that if I take ten pictures, only one or two will be worth saving. You have a real talent for photography!
Good Luck My Friend!