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Formerly known as the About.com Smoking Cessation support forum, this community is open to all who are recovering from nicotine addiction.

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February 2021 Ex-Smokers - Start Here!   Quit Buddies Unite

Started Jan-31 by Terry (abquitsmking); 33152 views.
KatieKat84

From: KatieKat84

Mar-18

Hi Suzy,

How are you doing? 11 days now - yay that’s so great! I seem to remember week 2 is known as Heck Week (after Hell Week). And yes, being grumpy speak-before-you-think grouches with your partner goes with the territory. I’m sure Mike can take it in his stride - it’s all part of your recovery. 
 

My husband was a huge help in getting free from smoking for good. He hates smoking and hated to see the effect it had on me - said it made me look grey and anxious. As for why I smoked - I started when I was 17 as a sort of outlet - at first I kept it a secret but it still felt rebellious! Similar to what you said, I think it offered a sort of smoke screen to hide behind - when I didn’t want to face difficult feelings I would think ‘oh goodie I can have a cigarette’. Throughout my 20s I told myself I would quit when I was 30. In the end it took a few attempts over a few years, and that time was pretty miserable as I was now confronted with my addiction. I hated that feeling of slavery - panicking when I realised I was running out of tobacco on a Sunday evening, or paying more and more as the prices went up. The final clincher was when we got engaged - I did not want to spend my wedding day feeling stressed about when I would get a chance to smoke! And now we have our little daughter, I’m so glad I’m not distracted with smoking or worrying about breathing toxic fumes on her. 
I think quitting does force you to change as a person - for me, it’s been about facing those difficult feeling and learning to deal with them in constructive (or less destructive!) ways. And accepting I deserve to be free of the addiction every day - not just on my wedding day. Everyone deserves that freedom but the addiction keeps you down, right where it can control you.

Sorry bit of a ramble but hope that makes some sort of sense!

Re listening to your children - I’m sorry you feel the signs were there that your son wanted help but you didn’t see them. I hope you don’t beat yourself up about this - parenting and mental health are both so complicated! We can only do what we think is best at the time (not that I mean you did anything wrong). Also whatever you feel about then, it’s not like you stop being a parent - your relationship now with your son is just as important. 
I feel pretty daunted when I think about my daughter growing up -being a teenager! How will I know what to do/say?? And even when I do know, will I always have the patience?! 

Meanwhile, raven-type birds - yes I dig them too! They are so smart (that one certainly outsmarted me over our rice cakes) and inquisitive. I’m sure there is a particular one in Devon who thinks of you as the kind person who shared her pasty crumbs :) 

I saw you mentioned that when the diet and drinking come unstuck it can feel like ‘well, s*d it then I might as well smoke’. I’ve been there but remember: 

Some days it’s enough that you just don’t smoke.

As long as you don’t smoke you stay on the path to health and happiness!

Id better go and do some work now while daughter is napping. I work as an editor for a biomedical journal - luckily we haven’t been affected by the pandemic apart from having to work at home and not travelling to conferences. It must have been so scary to be self employed when the pandemic started. Glad you were able to get some of the government support eventually. 
 

Speak soon,

Katie

4th March 2017

Jatchat

From: Jatchat

Mar-18

Hi Suzy, it's good to see a friendly face, congratulations on reaching double figures 11 days is great, I am on 20...waiting for 21 in two hours time, It's some unearthly hour in the morning here...can't sleep! What's new. will look for some photos... Congrats again...

Suzy2018

From: Suzy2018

Mar-18

Hi Rose,

I'm glad it's going well - I think visiting a smoker and not being too bothered about it is amazing!

Suzy

Suzy2018

From: Suzy2018

Mar-18

Hi Katie,

It wasn't rambling - it made complete sense!  I really do know the rebellion, and the squashing down of feelings with a ####.  That grey and anxious look too - in fact one of the things that helped me decide to quit was looking at the mirror and thinking how old and rough I was looking.  It didn't help that Mike had switched the coloured LEDs in the bathroom to green - I try to keep them on the peachy setting - I almost had to check my own pulse to see if I was actually alive, it was that bad.  My skin is looking better already, which is another huge and early benefit.  I do feel very lucky to see the signs of healing already.  

It sounds as if you might have chosen a tough time to quit too? I worked at a wedding venue for a while, and it struck me at the time that wedding planning was quite... stressful?   A great reason to quit, though, and how lovely that your daughter is breathing clean air and will never know you as a smoker.

I'm afraid I do beat myself up about my son - a little bit, anyway.  Even though I know that I did the best I could at the time and that hindsight is 20/20, there's still that wondering if his problems could have been prevented if I'd done something differently.  We do have a good relationship and can talk about most things, but it's hard to see him suffering.  It's a huge comfort that my daughter is  happy and thriving, but I don't want to compare them either - they've had different paths.  I just hope that my son will get through it, because he's a lovely, kind, funny person who deserves to be happy as much as the next person. 

I don't think you need to feel daunted - no-one is more qualified to be your daughter's mum than you, after all - you will know what to do.  As for not always having patience, who does?  And perhaps the discovery that people aren't always patient with you is an important life lesson. 

Thank you for the kind words about Mister Crow (his first name is Stone, as in Stone The Crow).  Mike's working today but when he gets home we'll go for a walk on the beach and see if we can find him.   I will take the last of the biscuits that I Must Not Eat with me.   Thanks too for the reminder that some days it's enough that you just don't smoke - I actually quoted that to someone else on here today; I'd forgotten that it was you who said it.

Wow, what an interesting job!  I had wondered if you were a writer, actually - I think you're very good at it.  I'm glad your work hasn't been affected by the pandemic, although I imagine that working from home brings its own difficulties, especially with a small person in the house :)   

Thanks again for the help, Katie, and don't worry - I am staying on the path to health and happiness!

Suzy

Suzy2018

From: Suzy2018

Mar-18

Thank you for the photos, Anthony - I love how different the bridge looks in different light.  I look at them and take a deep breath and go "yeahhhhh" - it's WAY better than smoking!  

And talking of smoking, I believe that SOMEONE round here may have just hit the three week mark?  Congratulations, Anthony.  This is your time, I'm sure of it, so hang on with both hands and don't let go.

See you soon.

Suzy

Jatchat

From: Jatchat

Mar-18

I don't intend to let it go without a fight Suzy, I'm glad you like the photos, pity there wasn't more variety in subject matter, but it is the light I mean to capture, and there are subtle differences to each photo. 21 days wow I can't believe I'm this far along the track, though I credit you guys for sustaining my quit, without the support I would have given  up the ghost long ago

Thanks once again

Anthony 

Nope62

From: Nope62

Mar-18

Congratulations on being 21 days quit! 

I really enjoy your pictures. I have spent a fair amount of money on camera's and all the accessories that go with them. I have a Nikon SLR now. But I don't get pictures as good as yours. I always tell people that if I take ten pictures, only one or two will be worth saving. You have a real talent for photography!

Good Luck My Friend!

Jatchat

From: Jatchat

Mar-19

Thanks Jeff,

On both fronts, the quit and the photos, you should share some of your pics I would love to see them, The Nikon is a top camera and I am sure you take some beautiful photos, 

Kind regards

Anthony

overdoze

From: overdoze

Mar-19

Hey there congrats on 21 days, i quit January 4th, i had a slip a few weeks back seeing my dad i smoked w him but quit immediately next day after, i am not ready to be around smokers, yet. Hope you have a nice day.. Overdoz

Jatchat

From: Jatchat

Mar-19

Thanks, good to see you sticking with your quit, 3 months soon...going out to tea tomorrow at a friends place, should be good, not quit related, just a catch up.

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