Formerly known as the About.com Smoking Cessation support forum, this community is open to all who are recovering from nicotine addiction.
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It looks like you're up early, and I'm up late. It's odd to think that we are on opposite sides of the world, and yet connected by this forum and by our efforts to break free of this addiction. Good morning to you, and I hope you have a lovely smoke-free day, with no sharks or crocodiles anywhere!
I'm off to bed now, but I just wanted to add to the vote of confidence. You're doing this, Anthony, and it's wonderful. And there's nothing wrong with The Shadows! I'm also learning guitar - another connection - but I think Apache is way beyond me at the moment; I can only play three chords.
Thank you Katie!
Being a non smoker is wonderful! You are so kind and supportive of folks here, and such an inspiration. I had a small cream carton on my deck I would put butts in. It was awful. It was one of the cardboard types that coffee cream comes in and when it was full I’d throw it away. Always saved the next one once I used up the cream so I could use it for butts. Ugh!! I never wanted an ashtray proper as I was constantly telling myself I’d “quit soon” anyway. Of course, this went on for years. Be so happy for yourself that you stopped before your daughter came along. It is so nice she will not associate that smell with you! So many memories and fondness are associated with smell.
Yes, it is quite easy to view other parents who appear to be doing it all perfectly and be critical of ourselves and find fault and things to worry about. That’s normal too! But with all things with people and relationships, we never know what goes on behind closed doors. No parent is perfect. That is so much the beauty of it really! Learning and growing as they learn and grow. I am absolutely certain you are doing just fine.
Do you have family close? Like Grandparents and Aunts and Uncles and Cousins? That can be such a blessing, and such a stress too. I do recall you mentioned a sister. My daughter grew up so far from my family. They are all in the Midwest a couple thousand miles away, so she only saw them yearly. I didn’t really have anyone to help me with her except for a friend who never had children. Once she started school there was more support there with other parents.
I love you spend time in nature with her too and it sounds as though she likes animals. She is 3? Oh, and yes!! I don’t recall what you called it, but it sounds like what we call Pre-School here...absolutely! Do not feel guilty one ounce for that. It is very good for both of you! This is not the same world our folks grew up in where they stayed in small circles of people most of their lives. It is so important for her to socialize and spread her wings and share her joys with others. I say this, and of course I had the same guilt. But...it is ok.
Have a wonderful weekend! Thank you again for being here for all of us!
Well it sounds as if we had similar days yesterday. It was perfect!
I think we have a bit of time to work on that diplomatic way to pardon ourselves. Things aren’t quite that open here yet as far as gatherings. I was also quite the closet smoker. Not that folks didn’t know, as I’m sure they did more than I cared to admit. Is your husband a smoker, or was he ever? I’m sure he is giving some grace to you and understands the quick comment. My guess is he is delighted to have you not smoking!
So, I see no need for you to feel a bit fraudulent because you have smoking thoughts or cravings! Those are normal and expected for some time yet. They are only thoughts. Acknowledge them and carry on. They will, as you know, fade and become less frequent. Just pat yourself on the back, wave hello to the thoughts, and carry on. I think there is some truth to the more we deny having them, or tell ourselves we ought not to have them, the more they will persist. You certainly should not have any guilt about it. Smile to yourself, say, oh yes, I thought about it, and then think about how you are so happy to be in control and not having to have a knee jerk reaction to the thoughts!
Have a lovely weekend and only get dressed if you must! Oh...you mentioned Netflix...a friend told me about a show called Dr Foster. I binged on it and it was quite good if you’ve not seen it!
Yes it's been a smoke free day. Yippee. There's nothing wrong with three chords, my teacher says that 90% of songs can be played with just three chords.
Did a 5000 step walk this afternoon, there was a wedding party up at Hanging Rock a favourite place for photographers, I thought of taking a photo, but I didn't.
I'll try and dig out a photo
Everyone needs a dressing gown day sometimes, I'm sure - and how sweet to think of us both doing it on the same day, on (nearly) the other side of the world.
Mike is an ex-smoker and serial quitter. He quit again a couple of months ago, and he's very determined this time not to succumb to the 'just one' rubbish. He lost a 7 year quit once with 'just one' which led straight back to 20 a day. He likens it to reloading software. And yes, he is extraordinarily kind and patient, and although he didn't try to pressure me into quitting, I know he's really happy about it.
I don't think I have been very clear about why I felt a bit fraudulent - it wasn't because of the NRT, it was because I was finding this quit so easy that I didn't think I deserved praise! Well, pride comes before a fall and I have had the sort of day today that the only way I can describe it (on here anyway) is Bf*%-$*X and it still doesn't get anywhere close to the rage I was feeling because I don't get to smoke. Truly awful, and I have had to go and buy more lozenges because I just didn't trust myself. But thanks for your kind thoughts all the same, and I am much better this evening, thank goodness. I must guard against complacency, and remind myself all the time that I am in control, and I don't have to act on a craving. Phew!
Thanks Lore, and hope you're having a great day. Whereabouts are you? I have a vague memory of Oregon, but I could be wrong. I went to Seattle in 1988 and loved it (is that close?)
very happy for me
Oh Anthony, they are so beautiful! They make me feel peaceful just looking at them, and thank you. When I look back on this (successful for both of us!!!) quit, I will think of your photos. They really do help.
5000 steps isn't bad at all, especially for someone who's waiting for an op! You really are putting everything in place for a good recovery, and that is wonderful.
Glad you had another smoke-free day, and yippee all round. Let's keep plodding on - we're doing well. And thanks for the kind words about my limited ability on the guitar - you're right, you can play a lot with three chords (Status Quo made a whole career out of it), but it still depends on whether you get the chords right. Some of mine are still a bit, well, discordant. But I'm keeping going, with that and the quit.
Take care, Anthony, and thank you again for the photos. I bet they're helping loads of other people too.
How has your day been? I’m glad to hear things have been a bit better with your son - and yes I think you’re right that, as with quitting smoking, staying in the moment is the best way. That’s another thing I like about cold water swimming - while you’re in it’s so freezing you can’t think about anything else!
It’s really understandable to be irritable and shall we say forthright in the early weeks / months of your quit, especially when you step down the nrt. Anyone in nicotine withdrawal feels and acts that way. Just see it as showing how much of a hold the smoking has had on you up til now - it’s only when we remove the cigarettes we really are faced with the reality of our little ‘habit’. Soon you will be free from all that and a much calmer, saner you will emerge.
And great you’re feeling ready to come off the lozenges and hopefully the gum soon too. I totally know what you mean about feeling irritable and calmer too - it sounds like old Nic stamping his foot and the real you being happy breaking free!
I liked the patches because you can just put it on at the start of the day and forget about it. And when you step the dose down you’re still just sticking on one patch, so psychologically doesn’t feel like cutting down anything.
Sounds like you’re champing at the bit to be completely off the nicotine. I really think you’re going to love it Suzy!
Oh as for radio recommendations - I’ve really enjoyed Between Ourselves with Marion Keyes - a lovely Irish writer chatting to the presenter and reading some excerpts, really funny - I think you’d like it. I also love Elvenquest - a fantasy spoof with Alastair McGowan playing a truly inspired slightly camp baddie. Oh and Ed Reardon’s week always makes me chuckle - could be a good one if you’re feeling grumpy and want company ;)
Your boat pottering sound like such a nice project to be getting on with. Speaking of horseshoe buoys, do seahorses have horseshoes?
You’re so right that everyone is just muddling through - must remember that! I think with lockdown and not seeing people much I tend to imagine everyone is doing way better than me. Just a daft brain tendency.
ok this message is v long so I’ll say bye for now!
Speak soon Suzy,
Quit 4th March 2017
Thanks for your warm message :)
Yes our ‘temporary’ ash trays - so truly awful and yet so amazing how we close our mind to how grim they are.
How long have you been quit and how are you finding it at the moment?
Yes it’s lovely exploring nature in the park with my daughter. Lots of woofing, quacking and cooing from all parties! She’s 20 months so still just a wee nipper :) Find it hard to believe she’ll be 18 one day! Are you and your daughter close?
I haven’t really seen my family (sister and parents) this past year with lockdown. My poor mum has been so sad to miss this part of her granddaughter’s life, and we’ve really missed that extra support. Luckily our lockdown is easing a bit from Monday so my parents are coming for a garden lunch next weekend. Were you a single mum raising your daughter? I can’t imagine how tough that must be. A major silver lining of lockdown has been my husband getting to spend so much more time with our daughter. It’s funny when she goes to nursery we stay at home to work - it feels like our daughter is the one going to the office, ha!
How has the pandemic/lockdown etc been for you?
Hope you’re having a great weekend:)
Quit 4th March 2017
Yikes sharks!! I’m absolutely terrified of sharks (thanks to watching Jaws when I was too young) and sometimes can spook myself in a swimming pool.
Great you’re in safe hands for your op and feeling calm about it all. Will you be laid up for long after or do they encourage you to get moving again?
Did you go to a lower dose patch? Hope it’s not felt too different if so. Just keep reminding yourself you’re shutting down those nicotine receptors, shutting the door on old Nic yeehah!
Good for you playing the guitar. I’ve been doing crosswords and watching snooker to chill out today. Very rock n roll ;)
Take care Anthony,
Quit 4th March 2017
Haha - forthright. That's such a nice way of putting it. I could also say that I've been assertive with a bit of an edge, or bossy but I generally mean well. Or shrieking, but sort of sensible sometimes? I'm still really looking forward to calming down, though! It's lucky Mike is level-headed: he is literally impossible to pick a fight with (which used to be infuriating in itself, but I really value it now). If I rant, he acknowledges how I'm feeling and asks what I think will help. It's a bit humbling though (and still infuriating sometimes!) - I'm the one who's supposed to know about communication skills after all. Well, pah! Double pah and grrrrr!
I do think the Full Moon (tomorrow) might have something to do with it too. Since I started going through the menopause I've tried to keep track of any patterns with my mood, and I do seem to be madder and badder around this time of the month. So I suppose this too shall pass. My GP gave me hormone replacement pills, but I'm slightly scared of taking them as they seem to make me feel really hyper, and then I tend to drink too much. Maybe I should just try to grow old gracefully, but at the same time I don't feel quite ready to give up on relative youth just yet. Ageing is a very interesting thing. I didn't even think of it until quite recently - I used to view 'old people' as a sort of grey, amorphous mass that I had nothing in common with at all - but the closer I get the more important and perfect it seems! Funny, that.
I haven't done very well as regards NRT. I felt unassailable yesterday, but as I think I said to Lore, pride comes before a fall. Today was a real struggle (at least till I logged onto the forum earlier this evening) and I went and bought more lozenges - I just didn't trust myself to stay smoke-free without them. At the rate I'm eating them, though, they'll probably be gone by the morning :( It's not quite that bad, but I feel much calmer knowing that I have them, poor nicotine addict that I am. I am not smoking, and that's the main thing. And I like it, I really do - I feel so much better, mentally and physically. But if I'm totally honest, I am still disappointed in myself about the lozenges. I thought I could be freer sooner.
Thank you for the radio recommendations. I've heard of Marian Keyes (I remember liking one of her books, Sushi for Beginners) but all the rest are new to me. I will investigate tomorrow!
I think seahorses definitely have horseshoes! There is a bit of a blank space on the left hand side because I had to write SEA on one side of the support bracket and HORSE on the other. I was looking into small seahorse logos to fill the gap, but I was looking in the wrong place - a horseshoe it is, and when we're on the high seas I will look at it and think of you, and remember that smoking is the opposite of life-saving. I will try to upload a photo tomorrow.
I'm doing great (well, after a bit of a wobble) - and so are you.