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February 2021 Ex-Smokers - Start Here!   Quit Buddies Unite

Started Jan-31 by Terry (abquitsmking); 31749 views.
Loreficent

From: Loreficent

Apr-21

Hi Suzy,

Checking in to see how you are and hope all is well over there. I know you have a lot going on. You’re being cheered for, so just know, you’re not alone in your corner.

Take care and hope to speak soonblush

Suzy2018

From: Suzy2018

Apr-21

Dear Katie, Lore and Anthony,

I am so sorry - I smoked.  Yesterday and today.  It's been an awful few days with my son and I just forgot everything I knew about this addiction and caved in to it.   It tasted disgusting and didn't help at all; in fact it made things worse because of the disappointment of throwing away six weeks just like that.  Things were going so well, and it was literally a split-second decision in the supermarket.  Even as I was buying them I was thinking, well, I don't actually have to smoke them.  But of course I did.

The pack is finished now, and I'm not going to buy any more.  Tomorrow is my new quit day, and I hope I'll remember what this feels like and not be so stupid this time.  You've all been so kind and encouraging to me, and I'm desperately sorry to have let you down.  

Just going over the the March thread now with the bad news, then I'm going to wash (I smell horrible) and go to bed.  I'm so sorry.  I will do it better next time.

Suzy 

Jatchat

From: Jatchat

Apr-22

Hi Suzy, no recriminations we are just being human, I saw my quit counsellor this morning, and she ordered me out of the building when I confessed I was smoking, then as I turned to make my way out, she called me back and we had a quite frank discussion about having self compassion and caring for my body, she then gave me some NRT and after a few clinical obs I left with a vow to myself that I wouldn't smoke.

So I can empathise with you, about your son, if he is upsetting you so much set some boundaries with him. I did that with my son, I know it's hard, because you love him so much, in our case he was living with his mother, smashed some of her favourite ornaments literally went beserk in the house, my ex wife called me and I just told him your out. and my ex wife had called the police and they took him away, it's tough and mental illness is no excuse for that kind of behaviour (I'm talking about our son). Anyway after years in and out of accomodation and not accepting the medication he's finally settled down, I hope and has his own flat and he's been there 6 months now and we've heard hardly a peep out of him. 

That's just one example I'm sure that there are many others

Anyway our quit dates will be very similar I have started a new quit today being the 22nd April, Climb back on that bucking horse Suzy and give it everything you've got. The rewards are tremendous.

Kind regards

Anthony

  • Edited April 22, 2021 3:17 am  by  Jatchat
KatieKat84

From: KatieKat84

Apr-22

Hi Suzy,

Oh no I’m so sorry to hear that! As Anthony said there are no recriminations. This is a horrible addiction, a disease that is so hard to recover from. The most important thing is that you are straight back on the horse! We can’t change the past so it’s going forward that matters.

Also just because you smoked doesn’t erase the benefit of those 6 weeks when you weren’t smoking. You’ve still got what you learned from that quit and the healing in your body in that time.

Also it’s great you can be honest about what happened. The junky thinking that if you buy them you don’t have to smoke them... we know it doesn’t make sense but we still go along with it right?! It’s that crafty old Nic.

I know that horrible mix of dismay and relief that comes with a relapse. This addiction asks us to split ourselves into two warring camps! No-one should have to go through all this and I’m sorry you’re having to.

Please be kind to yourself Suzy just as you are to others on here who have smoked. You’re going through a lot with your son. I hope you can do some nice little things to bring you some positive energy (like, I don’t know, a lovely dip in the seaaaaaa).

Sending you a big hug,

Katie

Quit 4th March 2017

Suzy2018

From: Suzy2018

Apr-22

Thanks Anthony, and I'm glad you're back on the horse too - we have the same quit date!!

Yes, I need to do something to set some boundaries, but you're right, it's hard.  I don't want to alienate him completely, but we can't go on like this.   Thanks too for talking about your son.  It helps to know I'm not alone, and gives me hope that things might get better.

Whatever happens though, smoking won't help, and the rewards of not smoking really are tremendous.   I hope you got through Day 1 ok. 

Suzy

Suzy2018

From: Suzy2018

Apr-22

Hi Katie,

Thanks for the hug!  And for the reminder that the benefits of the last six weeks aren't completely erased, although it doesn't quite feel like that at the moment - I feel really disappointed and stupid.   But I've learned a lot, I hope, and will be more careful this time - I think I just wasn't paying enough attention to how I was feeling, and actually wasn't on here enough in the lead-up to buying them.    And I think there was a lead-up, even though it felt like a split-second decision at the time - I just didn't hear the alarm bells ringing (or maybe just shut my ears to them).

I will try to be kind to myself.  I went out for lunch with a friend today and that was lovely, but definitely want to do something healthy tomorrow so the weight keeps going in the right direction.   I'm not sure it'll be a swim relaxed but I WILL have a paddle.  And I'm booked in for the gym in the morning.  And I haven't smoked today and it's 8.30pm.  So things could be worse.

Thanks for your kindness and support - it really does mean a lot.   And how are YOU?  I hope you're ok.

Suzy 

Because although it did feel like a split-second decision, there was a lead-up

Jatchat

From: Jatchat

Apr-22

Yes, to not smoking for today and from this day onward.

KatieKat84

From: KatieKat84

Apr-23

Hi Suzy,

How are you doing? How was the gym this morning? I hope you are feeling good in your quit again.

I don’t think you’re stupid for having smoked. It’s just what addiction does to our minds. It’s annoying that in order to get free from the addiction we have to string together lots of uninterrupted logical thinking and behaviour - which is just what is so hard when you’re addicted! And it only takes one moment of weakness to undermine so much hard work. It’s awful and unfair - like when are weak moments in other parts of our lives punished so heavily?!

Anyway I’ll try not to go into full rant mode!

I’m sure you’re right that there was a build up beforehand, especially with the emotional strain you’ve been under. It’s a tricky balance between trying to keep distracted/going forward but also not ignoring alarm bells isn’t it. Good idea to stay close to the forum for support.

Is there any change with how your son is doing?

I’m ok thanks. Definitely enjoying some cool swims in the warm sun. My daughter is coming on leaps and bounds, sometimes literally! She has started trying to ‘read’ her books from memory and it’s so lovely. E.g “burble burble burble sun came up burble pop! burble burble hungry CATERPILLAR”. Work is a bit stressful and busy at the moment but I’m going to forget about it til Monday.

How did it go moving your boat?

Take care and speak soon Suzy,

Katie x 

Quit 4th March 2017

Suzy2018

From: Suzy2018

Apr-23

Hooray to that, Anthony!  I'm so glad you're still here.  This is hard I know, but we will be (already are!) so much the better for not smoking. 

Hang on in there, dear quit twin - we might only be on Day 2, but we've both had some quite long quits and we KNOW that we can survive just fine without this nicotine crap, and even feel better for it.

We are on opposite sides of this beautiful planet, but I feel very close to you all the same.  Please let's hold hands through all of this and get to the other side!

I'm not counting on you to help.  You're not responsible for me and I'm not responsible for you - for all of us this is our own personal and private battle - but I can't tell you how lovely it would feel to know that you are breaking free alongside me. We do go back a long way, after all.  And maybe now really is the time.

Lots of love and strength to you, Anthony, and thank you for the help in the meantime.

Suzy

Suzy2018

From: Suzy2018

Apr-23

Hi Katie,

Thanks for caring!  I am feeling good in my quit again today.  I don't, honestly, know quite what happened - I really thought I was fine, but I obviously wasn't.  I am trying to figure it out so it doesn't happen again, but the thing I'm most pissed off with is that I didn't come on here and ask for help. I just didn't think I needed to.  I will try to learn from that, and hope I already have.

Things are very difficult with my son, and it's making me cry just writing that. I have a photo of him as a child where he's clapping his hands with joy and the light has turned his fuzzy blond hair into a halo.  When he's well, he really is the nicest person you could hope to meet - I know I'm biased, but it really is true. But things have been really awful the last few weeks.

He has started a new therapy (EMDR) where according to him the therapist is telling him that all his memories must be true.  We (his family and his psychiatrist) know that some of his beliefs are delusional, but because his therapist has been so adamant that there is no such thing as a fabricated memory, his trust in us and in the psychiatrist has been really damaged, to the point where he is reluctant to keep taking the medication that the psychiatrist has prescribed.  We have been trying to help him for more than ten years, so to have all this undermined in six weeks feels really, really hard - and also seems really negligent.  I really don't know what to do about that - I want to write a ranting letter of complaint, I want to shout and scream.   But I also think that that's not fair - everyone involved is doing their best, I know that.  I think I just feel pretty helpless, actually

But hey, I don't smoke - I won!  And to all of you who didn't smoke today, YOU won too.

It's so lovely to hear about you and your daughter.  You and she help me feel hopeful about the world, and about what good people can do to make it better.

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