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Afraid I'll fail   Introductions/Newcomers Nook

Started Apr-20 by Fearit2021; 444 views.
Fearit2021

From: Fearit2021

Apr-20

Hi

I'm new to the discussions. I want to quit. I have a lot of anxiety issues and the thought of not having cigarettes here "just in case", stops me from not buying cigarettes. I live in a remote area, stores aren't open late, and I don't do well driving in general, let alone at night, when I feel I would want a cigarette more. 

I just bought 2 cartons to the tune of 209.00- which would last me close to 3 weeks, but I don't want to wait that long to quit. I first wonder if the place I bought them from would refund my money if I took them back. Has anyone ever had this happen? If not, then I would wait and smoke them all and by then, might be out of this mindset I have right now that it is time. 

I am afraid of failing at it, as I have tried before. I get very aggravated after a bit of not smoking and am afraid I will do something stupid at work (bite someone's head off) and lose my job. 

My best success was with Chantix, but it messed up my liver and I can't use it anymore. My brain says I can't do it without the Chantix, though it had it's own nasty side effects. 

I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place with this. I'm in my 60's and might as well say I have smoked since I was born, since my parents were heavy smokers always. 

My mom quit in her 60's and still had a stroke, COPD, etc and died a miserably long death at 80 because of smoking and vascular dementia, and I feel like it's already too late and I am completely going to follow in her footsteps no matter what. The expense is crazy as well. 

I don't even know what I am asking here, except maybe- has anyone quit while still having cigarettes in their house. And does anyone think I could return the unopened cartons. 

I don't believe the body heals like they say it does after so many years, as that was not the experience with my mother. 

I hope I can find my way back to this post!

Thanks for all of the advice I have already read on here and any that anyone might have for me.

Nope62

From: Nope62

Apr-21

Welcome!

                 I am also in my mid sixties. I have smoked for 50 years. I have quit smoking many times over the past year. I'm on my second quit this year.

Don't fear it! Nobody ever died from not smoking!  Nobody ever died while waiting to get a cigarette!

No matter how your health is now, it will be better if you quit. You cannot correct all the damage you have done by smoking all these years, but you can help some of it by quitting now. You will live longer not smoking!

Instead of fearing your quit, embrace it. Think of quitting smoking as a good thing! There is not one good thing about smoking! Not one!

Take those cigarettes and  give them to someone to keep for you! Example: I friend that lives at least a few miles away. You can decide what to do with them later. You already threw  your $200.00 away whether you smoke them or not.  But don't keep them where you can get them quickly!

Stay as calm as you can!  You will be fine!

Good Luck!

Lubbercat

From: Lubbercat

Apr-21

Welcome and congrats on your decision to quit, it is the best thing you will ever do.  

I am in my mid 50's and have smoked all my life mostly........I have quit with cigarettes in the house, in fact my husband is a smoker.  Part of the reason I have failed at quitting so many times but I keep learning with every quit.  Having them at a friend's house or away from where you can get to them will for sure be helpful to you.

If you can't get your money back, look at the fact that you will be saving that much pretty quickly once you quit.  As for your health, it may not heal you but will normally help it from getting any worse.  Look at it this way, you have nothing to lose and only good health to gain.  Quitting for sure will NOT make your health any worse

Good luck to you and use this forum for support and advise, these people are great!

blackbird912

From: blackbird912

Apr-21

Fearit2021,

Firstly, you are not your mom.

Nice to meet another older person.  I am 66.

I only know that I wouldn’t have been able to quit with cigarettes in the house.  I know it’s possible for some to quit while their spouse or loved one continues to smoke but perhaps and obviously more difficult.  
in my opinion and numerous quits, FEAR has been my biggest hurdle leading up to a quit.  And Leading up to the quit I nervously smoke more.  The fear part seems to slowly trickle away and I am left with only the cravings.  The cravings are starting to dwindle.  I just hope this time I can stay in recovery.  It’s been 12 days.

Last year I was diagnosed with stage 1 lung cancer.  I was fortunate.  Surgeon removed my lower right lobe (about half my lung) and no other treatments.  I quit smoking for about 8 months and slipped a few months back.  Hard to believe I could even think of smoking.  How on earth did I talk myself into smoking ‘just one’.  

I have thrown out a lot of cigarettes which equates to a lot of money.  I say dispose the cigarettes.  I wouldn’t give the cancer sticks away.

Good luck on your quit.  And the fear will go away quickly I think.  Come back and check in soon!  Go for it.  


 

Chowpappy

From: Chowpappy

Apr-29

I know the anxiety well. I would say keep them around. That way you're choosing to quit instead of feeling trapped. That's one mind game you won't have to play as you're going through the process. "There they are. I can if I want to but I chose not to." Don't fret about the money. If they don't take them back so what? You would have smoked them anyway. 
Don't fear failure. If you fail you fail but if you keep trying eventually you'll make it. One thing you don't hear much is quitting makes you very emotional. You need to be able to spill it to someone. That's why I'm here and everyone is going to get an ear full once I open my anxiety closet.  The thing about anxiety though is most of them are self inflicted with no reality to them. I think it was Mark Twain who said, "I've had a million worries and none of them ever happened." 

 

Fearit2021

From: Fearit2021

Apr-29

Thank you to all of you for your input. I am still smoking on the cartons I have.  I need to do more reading- it's encouraging. I do need venting, yet live alone, and don't use a cell phone, so can only get on here when I am home from work. Venting though, I work in a specialized situation, not describable, high stress (I know most jobs are) and the fear of flying off the handle at work is very real and I can't afford to lose my job- obviously. 

I'm not good at letting stuff go, so it eats at me, bottles up inside me. There's no way to release it, I doubt even here, since there's confidentiality involved. 

Since starting on this board, I've learned a few things to help. Looking at reasons why I smoke. One, at work, is to get away from situations so I don't blow, though I rarely take all of the break time I am entitled to. I learned that if I go out and there is a co-worker out there- they seem to fuel the fire, so to speak. Lots of drama.

Second reason, I think, is a distraction from chronic pain. Third, just to stay awake till bedtime. Fourth is to not eat. At home I have been either eating or smoking and am already gaining weight. 

I've come to a reasoning that if I can go 7 hours with no smoking while I am sleeping, I can go a second 7 when I am awake, etc. 

I don't even like the taste of them anymore, since I had Covid in November and lost my sense of taste and smell. 

I'm probably wrong, but I think I am more addicted to the act than the nicotine at this point, evidenced by buying 3 different kinds of baby pacifiers (no kidding) and they are actually soothing! Obviously, can't use them at work, though. lol

I'm working on it. My eyes are tired when I get home, so most reading is on the weekend, though I think daily would give me a better chance. 

As it is right now, I think I am going to go ahead and finish what I have. I have one pack of super nasty cigarettes that are going to be my back up pack, so if I want to smoke, it's going to have to be one of those, which will most likely make me sick (hopefully) and maybe I can be repulsed by cigarettes. 

So right now, the hardest thing, as I am on the last carton, will be to not buy another one when I go to get gas and groceries this weekend. (I go to town every other week). It sounds nuts to me that I worry I will go ahead and buy another carton (and I know I will regret buying it...the failure thing...lack of willpower and all. But, it is what I feel.

Thanks again for the comments. 

Chowpappy

From: Chowpappy

Apr-29

If you think its just the act what kinda helps me is cutting off a straw the same length as a cigarette and pretend to smoke it. 

Fearit2021

From: Fearit2021

May-1

I've actually done that in the past, even stuffing tissue paper in it to give it that "drag" when puffing. I'd actually forgotten about it!!! Thanks!!!!

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