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"Happy calm self"?   General Chit-Chat

Started Jul-10 by xvaper; 4807 views.
xvaper

From: xvaper

Jul-10

While reading Allen Carr, and other online books and courses, they all keep putting out this notion that before we started smoking we were happy and care free with calm minds and spirit and that nicotine has turned us into these stressful anxious people, struggling to feed a drug to our brains, and that just by removing this chemical from our system, and maintaining sobriety, will return us to our "calm happy selves".

I was completely turned off by this notion, to the point that it almost alienated me from the quit they offered. I don't know about other smokers, but I started when I was 15, along with many of my friends. I was certainly NOT happy calm self, I was full of teen-aged angst, traumatized by my own life circumstances and looking for a clan to belong to. Many smokers tend to have problems with depression before they picked up their first cigarette, and even though I am quitting now , I most likely never will be a happy calm self, but I will be much more mentally equipped to handle my problems and enjoy my life much more.

Besides, who the hell is genuinely Happy and calm? I can count on two fingers people who appear to be like that, but it can be just an act. 

In short, I felt alienated, imagining that everyone else will quit and live happily ever after while I will still be struggling with difficulties so why hell bother. Luckily I really wanted to quit so I just disregarded those paragraphs. I think quitting literature and seminars have to be a lot more realistic with people, especially ones who have depression or whatever else, instead of selling this 'Calm and Happy self' delusion.  

Anyone feel the same?

In reply toRe: msg 1
Eve1973

From: Eve1973

Jul-15

Calm, happy selves……hmmm not sure I would phrase it this way, but I actually noticed that I don’t fly immediately off the handle anymore. I stop and think. Not sure if because getting older or if  smoking actually caused me to be like that.

I asked Lore a while back, but I feel that I’m nicer and calmer. And I believe she felt the same ( Aunt Georgie the exception). 
 

But of course we at ALL INDIVIDUALS, so see if you feel the same in 6 months or so. It took a while before I noticed it, but my sister noticed it immediately. 
 

Not sure if this was what you wanted to hear….but hope it helps.

xvaper

From: xvaper

Jul-15

Thank Eve, yes it helps. I was referring more to the idea that before smokers started smoking they were together. I was not together at 15. So I guess I will find out how and who I am without smoking. I can already tell that the anxiety has gone down. Less of my headaches of-course makes me more easygoing. The more I think about what I have been doing to my body all these years the better I feel about my quit. What was I doing??!! and for what?!

Loreficent

From: Loreficent

Jul-15

What did you ask me a while back Eve?? And what did I say? joy

I have to agree with you. I am slower to spout off. I really don’t think it is because I’m getting older either. Mentally I’m stuck somewhere early 30’s in perpetuity! Truthfully? Body feels much younger not smoking too. Skin is better, don’t worry and am not self conscious about getting close to people for fear they will smell cigarettes on me, goes without saying the HUGE difference in my breathing! Was a t get together on the 4th and there was a woman I had not met, but as soon as I heard her laugh I knew she was a smoker. Man, can’t describe how good it felt to be able to say to myself how happy I am not to sound like that anymore! Also, voice overall is much clearer. Never cough anymore (unless I’m eating gummy type candy and choking. Those will be the death of me.) Have even taken on a second job! joyStill working on understanding that one, but think I can maybe say I am aware how much more time I have. Seriously. Smoking is a big time suck! Well, for me, cause I never did it inside or in my car. So, somehow I got off on a tributary of this river and forgot completely what the question was, or if there even was a question, lol! joy

I do know I do NOT REGRET quitting smoking. Only that I didn’t do it sooner!

In reply toRe: msg 3
Eve1973

From: Eve1973

Jul-15

I’m with you on not knowing who we were. I 1st tried smoking at 13, and really started sometime in high school. So I don’t think we ever really was together, but I do know that I’m more relaxed ……prob because I am not worried so much or planning for the next cigarette. Give yourself some more time and see if you start to see any behavior differences. I believe all of us as in Breakfast Club states……we are all basket cases …..LOL
  • Edited July 15, 2021 6:28 pm  by  Eve1973
Eve1973

From: Eve1973

Jul-15

I asked you lol……if you felt you were nicer. You said yes…..lol.

I love that you have Squirrel Syndrome……I have it too! I used to call it CRS…..But some guy looked it up and came back with all these different diseases…….dude…..CRS…..Can’t remember Stuff ( fill in stuff with a different S word)

Anyway so this lady today told me she quit drinking in October 2020, she was diagnosed with sirosis of the liver. To make a really LONG conversation (I met her today) short, she said because she is stage 4…….she chose Not to be put on the liver transplant. Her reason……she knows that if she got a new liver that was all clean and shiny she would start to drink again.

So I thought….wow if possible and I received 2 new lungs would I smoke again…..I honestly can say I would. How screwed up is that. Now down the line my thinking may change but right now I would. Why? Because I stopped because I’m hoping that if I stop now I can prolong my life and hopefully and I pray that I don’t get cancer.

I do like myself being a non smoker but I feel like that “old friend “ is missing. My thoughts on this is all over the place. She gave me something to ponder…….maybe I need to think more on this and have a good talk with MYSELF!

Just sharing…….hugs

CC to xvaper
Loreficent

From: Loreficent

Jul-15

Definitely have Squirrel Syndrome! It’s funny cause those that know me well (which is only a couple people joy) can track really well with my thought process. Not sure how! They say what stumps them most is how eventually I end up where I began and finish that thought. This is not a special feat in any way, lol! I look at it more as chasing my tail grin.

So…wait. So you think you’d muck up new lungs if you had new ones? Wow. I don’t think you would. I will say…recycled parts are a true gift. I do believe the donors have a lot of hope their pieces will make a difference for someone. Now that I have first hand experience dealing with a side of this, I think so even more. Perhaps that is just rationalization that enables me to do what I do…? But, I don’t deal in those parts joy. I do get to see letters that recipients write, which is absolutely amazing and powerful and often, tear jerking. No Eve. I think you’d treasure new lungs. But you don’t need them. Yours are gonna be just fine! 
As far as that woman who doesn’t want a new liver cause she knows she would ruin it, sad as that truly is, I’m very happy she is honest about it and a precious organ will not go to waste because she can’t be honest. 

In reply toRe: msg 5
xvaper

From: xvaper

Jul-15

Oh yea breakfast club on steroids. So much of my thinking needs to shifted. Everything cultural I consumed growing up, everything that had influenced me to be who I am today, most likely had a cigarette connected to it. Films,  actors, musicians, songs. It is hard to let go of the image and lyrics of a cigarette that is so branded into my intellectual and creative mind. I think that is going to be the hardest thing for me to grapple with.

xvaper

From: xvaper

Jul-15

First of all, what the hell is a squirrel syndrome?

Secondly this is all hypothetical anyways, the second lungs, but I'm not so sure you would want to be a slave to your "friend" again. Is it really just a lung cancer worry you quit for?

I think this lady's story (which is super sad) just gave you a fleeting thought, a mini trigger, the fantasy of being able to smoke with no consequences.

We don't really enjoy cigarettes at all. Unlike other drugs, we don't get high on them like weed, nor feel ecstasy like on ecstasy, nor see visions like on psychedelics, invincible like on coke and meth, or forget all our trouble on heroin.  We are just feeding a nicotine addiction that has no effect except the relief of the withdrawal from the previous cigarette, and on top of that it is the most addictive drug there is. F that!

Loreficent

From: Loreficent

Jul-15

Hypothetical body parts!  Hahaha! Yeah, I know folks who live with a fantasy about their parts, joy ! OK. I’ll behave. 
I agree..,would not want to me that slave again. When I really think about this, it’s true. I don’t want to smoke again, and didn’t real enjoy the action much, if at all. The drug fix is everything it was. I think if we can separate it out, and focus our awareness on the difference there, most folks in here would not want to smoke again if they are honest with themselves. How do you teach a new quitter that? I feel I wasn’t so good at separating out, or accepting the difference at first. The mind was just jonesing for a fix all the time. Yet…I’d never do any of the other drugs you mentioned. Not even the appeal of “forge all my troubles” can lure me. I can’t even drink, and have no desire to. Perhaps that was the allure for me, the physical “high” the nicotine gave yet allowed me to retain most of my marbles moment to moment. Yup. Truly amazing that such a potent addictive substance is legal. Will have to go back to the other thread and see what I wrote a couple of months ago. Was some awareness of a dulling of the senses kind of thing. Stay tuned on that…

So..maybe Eve can explain Squirrel Syndrome better, but basically it is a Suirrel! mind that can be carrying on Squirrel! in a certain direction and all Squirrel! of a sudden the mind is off on a tangent with something else. Easily distracted I guess and thought derailment is part of a conversation. Like when your walking a dog and it’s walking along all calm and minding it’s own business and all of a sudden it sees a squirrel! 
Eve…..???

CC to Eve1973
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