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Crazy? Defined in Webster as mentally deranged and out of one's mind.
I guess I have to admit that I am deranged to think that I can continue the insanity of continued smoking. Starting is one thing, I never thought that I would be smoking this late in life. But low and behold I am definitely out of my mind to think that I can still do it any longer.
I continue to idolize smoking when I think of the good times with a cigarette. Wonderful conversations with my wife, after a good meal, the first one with a cup of coffee and on and on.
Now I do the same without a cig. Do I feel deprived? Not really. I pat myself on the back and say, "good job Andrew, you got this one". Lord, help me keep this mindset as I continue my journey to freedom.
Well said. You do have this one.
Good morning Andrew!
Ditto what Anne said. Yes you do have this one! It is all yours. Remember, you are already an Ex-smoker or non smoker. You are! And you will stay one as long as you don’t light up!
No matter what the mind says in any given moment of temptation, doubt, reminiscence or veiled memories. As long as you do not go through with the physical act of lightning up, you are not a smoker. Keep them separated. What is in the mind and what the body does are entirely separate. Those “fond” memories are normal and we’ve all had them and still do at times. The mind is a funny thing with memories when addiction is involved. Don’t forget that. You’ve got this. Trust yourself.
Im sorry I’ve not been on for a couple of days to write. Thank you for your previous reply. I loved what you wrote back. I’m in the middle of moving and using my phone temporarily to write instead of my iPad and it’s a bit more challenging with a small screen for me to write.
Hang tough! You are only in one moment at a time.
Andrew... You are an inspiration! Two weeks is amazing! I am going to steal some of your fire and start a new quit this Saturday. I am just going to take tomorrow, one more day, to prepare myself. The weird thing is I dread quitting, but part of me also looks forward to quitting! As long as we stay committed to WANTING to quit. And don't lose hope completely. We can do this Andrew. I wish I could say that I too have some quit days under my belt, but hopefully I will by next week.
I try to get excited about thinking and anticipating what a smoke-free life will feel like. Anyways, good day and keep on keeping on!!!
This morning I am experiencing some pretty strong urges. I have done a good job of ignoring them but today I am not as strong as I have been in the past. Right after breakfast with my second cup of coffee I can taste that smoke filling my lungs, oh what a pleasure it was.
Am I depriving myself of those feelings? Is something missing that I thought I enjoyed? Until I get over the feeling of depriivation I will forever crave the almighty cigarette (per Allen Carr).
Jerthie, quitting for good is a setup. Nothing is forever. You don't even know if you are going to wake up tomorrow and live this miracle called life. Honor the time that you have in front of you, don't let the past dictate the future.
You beat yourself up when you compare yourself to others. They are no stronger than you. Sure, you are disappointed. So what? There is something inside you that keeps you motivated and this needs to identified and actualized. See yourself as a happy and fulfilled human being that does not need an addictive substance to feel good. You are worth so much more than you know.
The game that you play on yourself is a losing one. Keeping a schedule of when you can and cannot suck on those things has got to be very frustrating. That would drive me crazy. I was a chain smoker, and any time was the right time for another smoke. Making deals with myself was impossible. I accepted that fact that I was hopelessly addicted.
I nearly died four years ago when I landed in ICU/Life Support/Hospice due to lifestyle and some other issues, But I continued to smoke. Now, smoke-free, I savor each day is if it might be my last. I hope it doesn't take a catastrophe like what I experienced to wake you up to the truth. As they say, life is too short to sweat the small stuff. Granted nicotine is not "small stuff" but it is not bigger than you.
I'm done rambling. I really wish you would be good to yourself today. Feel proud of your efforts and don't regret your failures. You will do this when you are ready.
Good day (everyday)
Good morning Andrew!
So how did the day finish out yesterday? I’m really wanting to hear back that you rode those strong urge waves and stayed on the board. Speaking of, I recently got addicted to the series “100 foot Wave”. It starts off to chronicle Garrett McNamara’s search for the World’s biggest waves. It’s a great distraction if you have access to watch it. If not, you can always pull up surf videos on YouTube! I’ve been out there on the board, never was much good at it, and I’d never be good enough or courageous enough to attempt what some of these folks do. I will tell you though, that I have certainly ridden some of those waves in my mind whilst quitting smoking! It helped to actually take a quiet moment and close my eyes and let my mind go into the water. I never went out towed by a jet ski though. I’d simply walk in and feel the ice cold waves lapping at my feet, concentrate on the barrier of my suit and know that I was snuggled inside somewhat shielded from the water. Walk out against the force and feel it get stronger as I got deeper. Pushing on and out, board under my arm, eyes on the waves coming in, and getting deep enough to climb on the board and begin to paddle out against the current. The feeling of being prone, riding up and over the smaller waves coming in as my arms would start to burn while I continued to paddle out. Then finally, the waiting zone. Out far enough waiting and watching for the right one…the steady rhythmic smaller ones carrying me gently up and down as they clambered their way under me on to the shore. Then there it would be, I’d see it further out and know that was the one. My heart rate increasing as I’d watch it approach and in my mind counting and timing what I hoped to be the perfect moment to stand and glide and then quickly start to soar with the crest! Ride that wave right up on top! Angling in and moving faster and faster…for me it inevitably ended fairly quickly as I’d feel that one second slip and the wave would overtake me and I’d crash down into and under the cold water, simultaneously feeling exhilaration and defeat….ahhhh. Like I said I never was really good at it. But in my mind I was triumphant because I did it. I stood and took on the wave.
I was in Nazaré last Fall. It was early October and the waves were still quite small, only 30 feet or so. I watched for a couple of hours, knowing I wasn’t good enough or brave enough to go into those waters. But I did think about smoking. I thought about those waves in my mind I would get from craves and how I’d ride them out. At the end, the feeling was analogous with actually being in the water. I also knew the only way not to feel the simultaneous exhilaration and defeat, was to not smoke. So I didn’t and then I was embraced by the feeling of success and the feeling of defeat was that which came with knowing I had in my way overcome. I was the conqueror. It didn’t matter to me I never went out and got on a board. I didn’t even have one there (not quite that crazy. Close, but not quite…) My point is… Ride the waves. Any way you can and any way you want. Just take them on. Embrace that power and beauty. One does not need to physically be on the board as long as one stays on the board mentally and emotionally. As an addict I do know, that not unlike standing on the shore, those waves aren’t ever going to stop. They won’t always be like the ones in Nazaré though. And even if they are…get on your board and ride them. They are only waves in the end, and their end is inevitable.
Enjoyed your post. You have a wonderful writing style. Empowering message.
Wonderful use of analogies. Parallels our challenges in conquering the waves of life.
I came across your post and wanted to congratulate you on those impressive stats. It's so true that quitting isn't hard forever. In the grand scheme of things, the number of cigarettes we miss during recovery is so small when compared to the number we smoked over the years...or the number NOT smoked we accrue like you have in 10 years of smoke free living. It's a good perspective to keep in mind!
It's nice to see your post. Hope you are well. :-)
Oh, thank you Andrew. Are you doing ok?
Yes. Conquering the waves of life indeed. Always something going on it seems. Now the heat here and difficulty sleeping. I avoid the coast on hot weekends. There are places to go for solitude once there, but the traffic to get there is a bugger. Not worth the stress. Thinking about all that this morning had me tempted though!
Thanks again. Hang in there. You got this is.