Hi Denim,

Not a problem.  That’s what forum friends are for.   
Are you still working PRN? 

Thank you denim 50, 

I've already got insomnia and anxiety, which is part of the reason I smoke.

Doc won't give me anything for my anxiety now because he's given me sleeping pills.  But I rarely take them because a) they don't work that well (but are better than no sleep at all), and b) I have to hoard them.  Asking for them is like begging God for forgiveness.

I've done really well these past few days of getting my smoking way way down to just a few a day (no nicotine at all allowed after midnight the day of surgery, and I'll be in hospital the next night.

I feel like I'm living a nightmare right now, but keep telling myself it will be over and that there are much worse things to live through.  

Hey gaylesybil, 

You're very welcome. I'm happy to try to help.

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through all of that but I think that you'll be fine through your stay, and I wish you the best with that and your recovery afterward. I do realize it can be quite scary though and bring on a bit of apprehension or heighten your stress or anxiety levels. One thing to keep in mind though is that it's not a long stay. Think of places you go where smoking isn't allowed, the store, the library, motel/hotel on a trip. Just remind yourself that this is temporary and that it's one of those places where it isn't permitted. Try taking along a book to read, a puzzle or crossword book. If you do knitting, crocheting, or maybe needlepoint, or have games you like to play on your tablet, laptop, or phone, or if you just like to browse, read, or interact on the internet, think about taking some of that along with you. Any portable hobby or interest can help to distract you and pass the time. If you watch a movie during your stay, think of it like a cinema, you can't smoke there either but you can enjoy the film. Almost any distraction and especially those that occupy your mind, hands, or both can help. Also, consider a straw. These things may sound silly to you but they can help. Remember too that following the operation you will probably be given something to help you rest more comfortably and may be resting during part of your stay, so that will pass some of the time too. I truly wish you all the best with it. I'm not sure exactly when your operation is scheduled but I do hope following it, after you've returned home, that you'll let us know how you're doing. Continued best wishes. 

Have a great day.  

Hi there,

It is like living a nightmare. The worse part about it this zone you are in with needing to quit and not wanting to. So much argument going on in the head! Ugh! 
Not sure how much you have read around on the Forum here, but the fear of quitting is quite common. Also, it is just as common for folks to write that once they committed, they realize all of the fear and torture of struggle they put themselves through were actually way worse than not smoking. 
Like all of us here, you are an addict. It will help a lot to really learn what that means. There is a free E-Book (link below)  that is very useful in helping to understand the addiction and many other aspects of smoking/quitting

https://whyquit.com/ffn/

I’m not sure where you are, the UK somewhere? I’m very surprised wherever it is that they will do an elective hip replacement with a person only having no nicotine since midnight and a plan to return to it immediately upon discharge. Here, no surgeon would do that without a patient being off nicotine for a minimum of 3 weeks, and they would do a Cotinine test prior to your surgery to ensure one is compliant. Why? They want your surgery to be a success! Smoking right up until the night before and then starting back the day after doesn’t set one up for success. I’m not trying to be a fear monger, and my apologies if it sounds that way. I assume you are having the surgery to improve your quality of life! I hope you will get to that place where you realize that quitting smoking will do more to improve your quality of life than anything else you will ever do. It is so very hard to accept and understand that, I know. I also know firsthand for it to be true. 
Insomnia and anxiety both are directly linked to smoking. Not that smoking helps them, it exacerbates both. It is your addict voice telling you it helps. I’m not sure what treatment you have explored to treat the underlying anxiety, but having that conversation with your doctor is a good place to start. It has probably been (like for many of us) a longstanding underlying issue that over many decades you have convinced yourself that nicotine is treating. It isn’t. Sleeping pills, no matter what the type, are not an anxiety treatment either. 
 

I hope you will take the time to read that E-Book. Give yourself the opportunity to learn more about what underlies this addiction. Knowledge is your best tool to overcome it. If after you read it, you feel you really only want to stop for 24 hours, you can do that. You definitely deserve more though. We all do. As a smoker, we work for Big Tobacco. Retire from that job! You have made them plenty of money. 
 

I do hope this doesn’t sound harsh. I believe that all smokers have a deep desire not to be addicts. I think you should give yourself the chance to see what life is like on the other side once you have that new hip. The empowerment you will gain from quitting smoking will far outweigh this trauma and fear you are putting yourself through now. It honestly will.

Let me know if you find that book helpful or if you have problems opening it. I encourage you to read it start to finish. 
You can do this Gayle. You really truly can. 

Thanks, Loreficent

Your post is helpful.  I will check out the book.

I'm in Canada.

Universal health care is great, but unfortunately they don't have Internet in hospitals SFAIK.  At least it is just for one day, and I'll probably be sort of out of it.  

I'll add that I have never thought of quitting, it just has never seemed possible.

However, the seed has now been planted.  I'm going to have to cut way way back after surgery due to the risk of infection.  That may give me some confidence.  

I'm embarrassed to be 63 and still smoking, TBH.  Very embarrassed.

Hey.... It's okay and it's admirable to start anew at any age... Especially an older age. It does make it harder but it also makes it more special. I say.. Make your quit as special and meaningful as you can. Use the quit aids some of the girls provided for you, and then to that add your own personal touch. I also recommend you pray and give all of your fear and anxiety over to God.  As well, give Him the hopeful vision of a new smoke free life. If you do not have a vision for a smoke free life, then stay where you are with a cutting down life. Does cutting down make you feel more secure and stable? Is it more doable? That is where I am at G.  I cannot quit altogether, so I am sucking on 6 lozenges a day until I can. Last week I was going through a lot emotionally and bought a pack of smokes and smoked four of them in half an hour, then threw out the pack. I felt relieved to smoke at first.. But after the third one, I once again felt depleted, defeated, and a hopelessness of once again being a slave... Not ever being free! Have you thought about what it means to be free G? Have you thought about whether you are happier smoking? Or would you LOVE to start envisioning little by little a cutting down lifestyle? I encourage you to cut down and at the same time, while you are cutting down, pray and envision what a life smoke free life could be! G... That is what I am doing... Using nicotine lozenges while NOT smoking. While NOT giving up. While coming to this forum to receive encouragement and give back encouragement! Do not lose hope G! Will write more later!

Look at the various options when you get a chance. I tried cutting back several times and to tell the truth, it never worked for me. It seems to make me think about smoking more.

Best with everything,

Paul 

I love smoking, and consider it one of life's greatest pleasures.   I'm a writer/editor, and smoking has been my companion for many years, going back to the age of typewriters.

So, to leave it behind will like losing a lover.  There will be grief.

I do okay on the patch, actually.

But my immediate concern is my upcoming surgery.  I will not be able to smoke for about two days.  Or use a patch.  

Quite frankly, I'm terrified.  And it's coming up in two weeks.

Hi,

Three days. In three days, you will be free of nicotine.  While it is considered a pleasure, it is in fact an addiction.  When you are withdrawing and you take those puffs, you feel better because you have satisfied the withdrawal symptoms. I agree it is a pleasure, however by its real identity, it is addiction.

Start with three days.  No nicotine. It will be rough, but it is the addiction screaming at you.  Let it scream.  Drink ice water thru a straw. There are lots of stories here of people having the same fears, thoughts, etc.  Believe in yourself!  We believe in making the impossible possible!