Thanks Cindi! I am making reducing to eventually quitting nicotine one of my top priorities now. Other things may not get done in the same orderly way they used to get done, but oh well! If they used to take nicotine in order to get done, no thank you anymore to that! They will stay undone until I can do them without thinking I need the nicotine to help me concentrate. Allen Carr's book is helping me a lot! Today I have a bunch of things to do on my list. It is snowing and cold out which depresses me a bit. Perfect excuse to have a lozenge to get me motivated to start tackling a few things. But today, no thank you. Anyways, sorry my dad is calling me. Will continue later!

That is a great attitude.  Yes Allen Carr's book is very good and I'm glad it's helping you.  We have snow too... not really sticking yet but it's coming down.  Hope you have a great day and tackle the things on your list!

Yes Cindi, thank you for your response. The more I continue to delay taking the next lozenge, the stronger i feel! Yesterday I had only 4. Today I have had only 2. I did want one half an hour ago, what kept me away from giving in was what Allen Carr said. What we are experiencing when we feel restless or irritable is likely not anxiety. It is the pangs of withdrawal caused by needing a nicotine feeding. This goes away when you feed yourself nicotine but only for a minute. And then the withdrawal continues and just gets worse! I hate this. I find I can skip lozenges I used to think I couldn't live without. Three weeks ago by this time I would have already had 6, but here I am today at this time only taking 2. It is important for me to celebrate this very small win as a win, and not be frustrated that I am not at 100% off of nicotine. I find that eating when I really want to eat helps me to stay away as well. In the past, I would pop a lozenges in my mouth if I felt like it was too early to eat my next meal. Now if I need to eat before dinner, I eat instead of staving off my hunger with a lozenge. I feel good about where I am. The more I read of Allen Carr's book, the more light is shed on why I smoked and why I still use nicotine in another form. Anyways, I did get a few things done already, and without using the lozenge! I needed it at the time but I didn't use it. As a result, my need and dependence is being decreased! I find the only time I am using lozenges now is when I am finding myself clawing away beyond my control to open my package. Other than that I delay and resist and delay and resist! I will continue to keep you all posted on my progress!!

2 days down!! Had a few times today I thought of buying some, but relatively easily pushed that option aside. Hoping tomorrow goes as well. November 19 is the anniversary of my first quit, 20 years ago, and for some reason I keep thinking I could have some that day so I’d have the same date. Ugh. Addict brains are so weird, right? 
I’m so thankful to have this forum with all you wonderful people here to pat me on the back, as needed. You are much appreciated!

Jenny

Yes…addict brains are wired weird. I’m laughing because that is a rationalization that I would have made as well…”have some now so you can have the same quit date you had 20 years ago”… I get it. Makes complete smoker sense, lol.

Time is a very funny thing. Right now I’m in some kind of weird time warp trying to figure out my day to day life half the time, and the other half of the time I feel like I’m trying to find my hiney with both hands in the dark . The time is going by though, as time does. We either wear it out or it will wear us out. I remember writing something on here a couple of years ago now (!!!) in a thread I used to natter in a lot about this time concept thing and feeling as though I’m in a race with it. My thought at the time was something along the lines of I was going to kick that Old Man Time’s butt in that race too. Not sure if I’m doing that…?? I like to think I am most days. But the reality is, no matter how hard I try or how fast I run, the time is still going by. Think about it Jenny. Your first quit 20 years ago. Twenty years. I can relate to that too, as I think many of us here can. How we look back and see where we were X number of years ago, wanting to quit, remembering a quit… that’s a lot to ponder really, isn’t it? How 20 years can go by and we see we are still in the exact same place with some things?? Wowza.

Well, I have no clue where I was going with that, haha. You are likely fast asleep as I’m 5 hours ahead of East coast and 8 hours ahead of PDX. Talk about time warps… I think it’s time for me to go find a coffee and a Pastel da Nata. Try to figure out where my hiney is in broad daylight, haha. Good news from this Continent from me…I haven’t smoked. Hard to believe I’ve been here over a month already! And I’m surviving without smoking. Vaping seems to be HUGE here. 
 

Anyway…do it Jenny. That additional 20 is gonna be flying right by you for sure. No stopping that Old Man Time. I think your best option is to stay in this race and work like crazy to give him a run for his money. You will run much faster and breathe much more easily doing it by not smoking. Honestly. You honestly are not missing out on anything by not smoking. I promise. 

Cindi, everyone. It is already 11am and I have had only one lozenge! The old me would have had anywhere from 2 to even 4 by now. It seems that my reducing to quit plan is working, and I am feeling hopeful, Douglas, that i too may reach Smoke Free Land!! I can honestly say that I think I can go until 2 or 3 pm until my next lozenge. I am not craving them today. I think this has to do with yesterday. Yesterday I did not go past my 6 a day, but I noticed that I was super anxious! And then when I woke up this morning, I realized that even 6 a day is making me anxious. Can you imagine me when I was using 12 a day?! I thought I would be content at 6 a day. Last week I was still thrilled about my reduction. But there was something about yesterday that made me feel today that I am ready to reduce even more today. What was that something? It was anxiety! And then this morning, my awakening was that it is the lozenges that are making me anxious... Waiting for the next one, counting each one, making sure I don't go past 6, making sure I wait 3 hours in between each one... Doing stuff throughout the day with the end goal being when can I sit down and suck on a lozenge! Well, I do not feel anxious this morning. Having had only one so far and barely even sucking on it is encouraging for me, it means that I am not as dependent on nicotine as I used to be! Everyone, I am happy!!! I admit that prayer has helped me a lot too. I would give all of my anxiety over to the Lord and I would pray to the blessed Virgin Mary, asking them for their love and support! This combination of reducing, praying, hopping on the forum, and reading Allen Carr's book has brought me thus far!!! Quitting nicotine for good may actually become a reality for me!!! Thank you again to everyone for your continued support. Thank you to our Lord and to the blessed Virgin Mary for carrying ne through! Not craving and feel like I may get there with just a little more time!!!

Thank you, Loreficent! I’m so happy to read your message as I wake up. I remember reading somewhere on here that you moved over to another country, but I can’t remember which one. Where are you? My daughter spent some time at a college in Europe this summer and said smoking didn’t have all the bad things associated with it as over here. That, of course, made me feel more like it was ok for me to smoke. I think the post I read from you a while back was about you struggling a bit, even at 2 years. I want to tell you how badly I wish I’d held on at my 2 year marks. I made it there multiple times, but never to 3 years. I’ve heard 3 years is a huge milestone and things improve greatly at that point. I don’t know if it’s true, lol, but I like to think it is. I plan to make it there and find out.

Time is definitely strange. When I was young, time would drag on so long! Now it’s just flying by so fast and I can’t slow it down. This is my daughter’s last year at home. She’ll be off to college next fall and we’ll be empty nesters. Unless our son decides to rent a room from us for forever. He’s just coming home in between jobs right now. We aren’t sure what to expect with that. 
 

I don’t know what a Pastel da nada is, but I think I want one! Is it a pastry of some kind? I could pretty easily get a donut, I suppose. Oh! I could get my son to drive to buy some donuts, I bet! Advantage of him being here for a bit

I’ve been very on again, off again this year, but mostly on. Each time I quit for a few days, I can feel my lungs start to feel better, then they get worse when I start again. I find it a bit disturbing how quickly that happens! Like alarms are going off in my body.

I think I’ve been telling myself that I’m a non smoker, having a small relapse, but after this long, I think it’s time I admit to myself that I’m a smoker right now.  I REALLY don’t want to be a smoker, so I need to kick this. I feel pretty confident that I’ll make it to next Saturday (as long as I make it through the 19th ), since we’re traveling and my daughter’s friend will be with us. The hard part will be holding on once we’re back. 
 

I’m rambling a bit, lol. Thank you so much for your response! It was great to wake up and see it  

Jenny

Jerthie, I’m so happy to hear you’re doing so well! I read that book a long time ago and it was so good! I know less lozenges is huge for you. It sounds like you have some hope for eventually letting them go. I really hope it calms your anxiety! Always waiting for that next one is definitely rough. 
It sounds like you’re off to the start of a great day! I’m starting day 3 and feel pretty confident I’ll be ok.

Jenny

My pleasure Jenny. Good to hear back from you too! 

Did you get the donuts?  Yes, Pastel da Nata is a pastry, and an incredibly yummy one. It’s kind of a custard in a super flaky crust, small like a mini pie kind of thing. It’s sort of the unofficial pastry of Portugal. They are best eaten when still warm and traditionally one sprinkles a bit of cinnamon on top.
 Oh, right, yes, I am in Portugal. I live in Lisbon now. My apartment is in a very central part of the city. I’m a two minute walk to the Metro (subway) and about 5 minutes from a main train station. My neighborhood is not touristy, but more a very traditional Portuguese neighborhood. The only difficult part of that is of course my Portuguese is pretty limited, . I am learning new words every day. It’s a fairly difficult language; the pronunciation is very different and difficult, and European Portuguese is very different from Brazilian Portuguese. They understand each other fine, but I don’t understand either of them, lol. Actually, I can now pick out the difference and identify which one is speaking, so that’s progress. 
Yes, smoking is definitely more prevalent and open here, and seems to be more socially acceptable. They don’t have menthol cigarettes here though and I’ve always thought non-menthol smelled really bad. So that has been helpful in keeping me away from it. It really stinks! 

Yeah, time does fly. That’s what I mean about the 20 years going by…it’s gonna go by whether we smoke or not. And honestly, I can’t bear the thought of spending another 20 years as a smoker. Ugh. Super yuck. If you have made it to two years before I think you know what you need to do… I think the best advice I can give Jenny is don’t future trip. Stay with today. Which is the 18th. Not sure what’s happening for you tomorrow on the 19th that you’re worried about, but it isn’t here yet. That said, no need to worry about holding on when you’re back from your trip either. That’s a bridge to cross then. 
Trust me on this one Jenny. Smoking sucks. Right now I’ve been cycling through emotions like a high speed washing machine stuck on spin cycle. It crosses my mind pretty regularly that I could smoke to “ help me cope with that”. But I don’t want to. I honestly do not want to be a smoker again and deal with all of that frigging drama. It’s just too much. Too much goes into it and nothing good comes out of it. And then you end up stinky. 
 

So…don’t future trip and keep on calling out your rationalizations. Laugh out loud at them. I do mine! Actually, I’m laughing out loud at a lot of stuff I’m doing and thinking right now! 

 

Thank you Jenny! Your support means more than you know! Yes, today is a good day for me. 8:15 pm and I have only had 3 lozenges, and I don't think I need anymore. So I went from 12 a day to 6 a day to 5 a day. Now I am averaging anywhere between 4 and 6 lozenges. I am so happy Jenny! I believe you can make this quit stick if you listen to what Lore said to you in another message: do not future trip. That does help a lot. I feel that if you've made it to two plus years quit in the past, that you know how to do this! I hope this gives you some reassurance! Thank you again for everything!!