Cindi...

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I can' t imagine all the pain you must be feeling. But I can relate to you feeling tempted to have a cigarette because it is right there in front of you, and would seem to be able to ease your pain and all of the stress of how to deal with the next steps after the funeral. It won't kake anything easier Cindi, and it is amazing how you recognized that and processed that thought rather than taking the easy way out. Smoking will make you hurt more Cindi. We are here for you! Vent, emote, cry if you need to. I love how you are staying quit for your dad too! That is a great motivation. I prayed for you last night and this morning. Stay close to God at this time too Cindi. I feel like I'm rambling now. Important thing to remember Cindi, is to hop on the forum any time you feel a strong urge or craving. We are with you all the way!

Cindi

So sorry to hear of your dad's passing.  I will say that having those ciggs right there during stressful times makes it so hard.  I felt in a lot of ways like I was losing that special connection with my mother by not smoking so, that made it even harder.

However, you know better then most of us that the last thing you want to do is to have to start all over with quitting again!  They would not want that and you really don't want or need that right now.

Sending hugs your way

Thank you for the hugs.  It was kind of funny at the dinner after the funeral, a big topic was how everyone (who was still a smoker) wanted to quit smoking.  My uncle quit a year ago and a few others were wanting to quit.  They all kept going outside to have one.  My closest cousin is 56 and she tries to hide it from her mom so she sneaked out with my husband with no coat in 24 degrees to suck one down.  Poor things.

I will make it through this because I know I have my dad looking down on me.  

You have great strength to draw from.  Your dad was a quitter and so are you.  You have that shared experience that many other will not understand until they too quit.

Your dad lives on in your heart and I am sure he is s proud of you, as you are proud of him.  Generational quitters!

Well done, you made it through the hardest part and you are carrying the quit torch. 

Let me send you a big sunshine hug.  

Cindi

I do get that, I have laughed at times about my husband running out the door to go smoke or sitting outside freezing when he is out of town talking to me on the phone.  Your father would be very proud of you for standing strong in your quit.

I wanted to wish you all a very Merry Christmas! I don't think I would be where I am at 6 lozenges a day without you all. As you all know, it is not a full on quit, but a lot better than when I used to use 12 a day. You have all heard me, supported me, accepted my own way of quitting or abstaining and you have all encouraged me with absolutely no judgement.

I still suffer from anxiety, though it is nowhere nearly as horrible as it was just 3 or 4 months ago. It has been challenging for me to even just stay at 6. I still cannot imagine a life completely free of nicotine. It saddens me. Sorry guys, this is just me being me. Life without my lozenges, the thought of it saddens me. But I know I definitely don't want to be using 12 a day. Maybe in the new year I will follow through with going to 5 a day, then 4, then 3... But none a day? Oops making myself anxious now not good. I will continue to stay content at 6 lozenges a day until I am ready to further reduce. Confession... 2 days this past week I went up to 7. But I did resist urges to buy cigarettes and smoke.

What is beneath all of the deep sorrow in me? I wonder is it the lozenges that make me sad? And if so, is it okay to like being sad? I don't always like feeling sad, but I do cry a lot because of my bipolar condition. I cry easily. I wonder if lozenges add to my condition?

Anyways, I am on my way to my brother's place for Christmas eve dinner. Just wanted to post right now because I love all of you. Merry Christmas!!

Hi Jerthie,

I hope you had a nice time at your brother's.  Keep doing the best you can. The lozenges do not make you sad, but they add extra anxiety to your condition. I know you don't want to let go them completely. You see them as a friend that you cannot imagine to part with. It's very common in addiction, we all have been there.

It seems to me that the constant occupation with the lozenges, i.e counting how many you use, measuring your anxiety responses to them, calculating how much nicotine you may get from each depending on how long you keep them in your mouth, and so on and so forth, is a way of deflecting what really goes on in your life, a kind of escapism. Shifting your attention and concentration to dealing with the underlying bipolar condition, and how to live the best life you can without distracting yourself with an addiction that saps your energies, would be a great achievement. It's easy to say I know, but, you have a strong will. To cut down on nicotine while still very much addicted to it and suffer the consequences takes a lot of will power!! So, if you set this willpower to tackle the obstacles in your life, there is no limit to what you can achieve. xo

Thanks xvaper. I think you are right, I know you are actually. The lozenges add to my anxiety. And you are also right. I see them as a friend, sadly. I have successfully cut down, but it is true, I am almost maniacal about the times I take them, how long I suck on them, etc. It would be very wise to instead get a better grip on all the triggers of my anxiety and bipolar disorder, and I think this would involve just tackling all of the everyday facets of my life without looking forward to the lozenges. I know all of this to be true! Now, it is a matter of having the courage to just stop. I have so much fear of how I might feel without them. What will I do, and more so, how will I feel? I am just about to sit down to Christmas dinner, so will write more later. But thank you so much for your thoughtful response. You are appreciated!!

Hi everyone ! 
 

do not know if I’m posting under the right place in the forum but here goes everything ! 
 

One thing led me to another while researching how to control my cravings and why is it bothering me so much and I’ve found that having a group that have/had similar experiences is very helpful.

I have been wanting to quit from the past 2 years , December of 2020 actually but it never transpired into anything other than a conversation. But here I am determined that I will not enter another year by smoking myself to death and have been off cigarettes for 2 days ( took 5 puffs off a friend on the 3rd day) and haven’t had a puff again for the past 3 days. 
im really hoping that being part of this forum will help me get rid of this addiction. 
I want to know from ex smokers who have successfully quit is it wrong to tell yourself you’ll quit and then maybe once a month you’ll have one at a party as in occasional thing ? Will this behaviour change , should I tell myself anything differently? 
Any tips to manage the cravings ? Do not want to try nicotine guys or anything having nicotine.
 

Background - Smoking for the past 8 years and an average of 5 cigarettes a day. 

Welcome! You have done a great thing here by connecting with fellow quitters on this forum. You can learn a lot from others here who have fought long, hard battles to become nicotine free! I myself am not nicotine free. I quit smoking nine years ago with the help of nicotine lozenges to get off of the cigarettes. Unfortunately, I became addicted to the lozenges. So although I no longer smoke, I now suck on lozenges, five or six a day. My advice to you is to not use nicotine gum or lozenges to quit. You might, like myself, become addicted to that. You don't smoke a lot of cigarettes and have only been smoking for eight years, so I think your quit is very doable! It's great that you came to this realization of wanting to quit now rather than another ten or twenty years down the road. If you can go a week without smoking already, then you are in a good mindset, a great one actually. You've already got this. You have been wanting to quit since 2020. Now you are here with a support group to help you realize your goal! And what a great goal it is!!! Post here often if you get a craving. And find other things to do besides smoking whenever a craving hits. Most people drink cold water or chew gum or sugar free candies. About smoking only at parties, well I am not the best person to give advice on that, especially since I am still using nicotine in the form of lozenges. If you can go full on clean quit that is the best way to go. The thing with having one only at parties or only once in a while is it might trigger you to make it a habit again. Unless you can honestly say, one a month and that's it, I think that is great- but for most of us that one social smoke can dangerously lead to another and another. Anyways, I hope my advice was helpful to you! I think you will be able to achieve your goal of quitting smoking quite easily! Stay committed and stay focused on the prize, which is a smoke free lifestyle. God bless your quit!