Thanks Marge!  I'm going to add a star now.

Just typing in some stuff today.  Feelings of self-pity and anxiety were plaguing me this morning, but I believe it is lifting.  I'm feeling a little physically ill as well, so that is not helping.  Stupid colder weather.  Oh well.  At least I'm smober.  

Alex, 

Your star looks wonderful.  You have worked so hard and have so much on your plate but you are doing it one day at a time.  I was reading a past post of yours.  You said your dad smoked Kools when you were a preteen, so did mine.  I use to sneak into his top drawer and smell them.  To me they smelled good.  I wonder if I was an addict in the making even at a young age.

it feels good to be on our way to freedom.

Me too!  He kept them in a top cabinet.  I used to love the smell.

People always have advice to give.  Ugh...

Hi Alex,

How are you doing? I hope you are still feeling encouraged. 

My health is like a yo-yo but I'm hanging in there. Nothing major to worry about. I seem to have a compromised immune system so anything and everything that is going around comes to visit me for a period of time. Frankly, it's getting rather annoying at this point. I would love to function properly even for a few weeks. I need to purchase shares in a tissue company at this rate!

Hugs and love, Jenn

I smoked. And now I hate myself.

No don't hate yourself   We are all trying so hard but sometimes things just don't work out but it's Ok     Just pick yourself up and start again.  One cigarette can happen but you so need to stay strong and try not to light the second or third one.  Deep breathe - feel how good it feels  no wheezing or no coughing.  Let that little voice inside your head remind you that's why you gave it up to begin with.  I know it's hard  but don't beat yourself up and don't let this one little hiccup destroy everything you have accomplished so far. 

Tyvm

Sending a big (((hug))) your way!

Hating yourself is going to get you nowhere. It's going to make matters worse. It also tells you that you want to quit smoking otherwise wouldn't be upset that this happened! Yes, you smoked. However, you had some smoke-free time underneath your belt which means you CAN and WILL do this. Take a really close look at the circumstances that led to smoking that cig. What was the trigger? Now you need to load up your quit tool box to make sure it doesn't happen again (the trigger inevitably returns). Throw out the cigs if you still have them. You don't need them nor do you really want them. The junkie thinking has you convinced that you need them. All lies. You need (and deserve) your self esteem back and every single one of those darn things strips you of it that much more. Take it one minute and hour at a time. Also important: post before you smoke. Its an important step to remain smober.

Stand up, we'll dust you off, and onward we go. You can do this.

Hugs and love, Jenn