I'm beginning to learn more and more about myself.  First, I'm extremely selfish.  Like, if someone does something I don't like, I want to make sure they are punished.  I need to work on forgiveness - God help me!  I used to smoke about these situations, but now I don't - and I don't want to.  So, there's that.  Secondly, if I can't make sure someone is punished for not meeting my expectations, then I go into self pity.  Therefore, I've concluded that I need help with being more selfless - God, help me.  Okay, that's it.  Nothing profound, just wanted to write that out.  

On a more positive note, I did a free style session in my car this morning on the way to work - it was AMAZING.  It was just me and God and I was letting the words flow - it sounded like a poetic praise session - so cool.  Great way to start my day.  I look forward to more smoke free days - just one day at a time! 

I also find it interesting how, since the rawness of the new quit has worn off, my mind is different.  It's weird.  Like, it isn't so intense or so pressing right now as it was 3 weeks ago.  It's kinda scary in a way.  I don't want to fall into the trap of, "Oh, I got this!" b/c I know that is dangerous thinking and I definitely don't want to lose my quit.  Maybe I'll read some of those articles the mods were talking about....  

Freestyle worship, love it!! I'm definitely not at the thinking-something's-handled part yet, but I can def see the dangers. Thank goodness for this forum, eh?

Not

One

Puff

EVAR.

Even when we think everything's okay. ;)

Meredith (GettinFree) said:

Even when we think everything's okay. ;)

Yaasss!!! 

Remember Alex, all is well.  Feelings are not facts.  You are feeling sad now, but this, too, shall pass.  Just make it to bed time.  Just make it to bed time.

Oh, honey.. *huuuuuugggg*

Thank you 

To Alex

Alex you know u can get tru it just don't smoke, stay in the moment and breathe and breathe again.

Think of how well you are doing. My first couple of weeks dont even ask me how I got tru them some days I just stayed on the sofa only got up to do what I had to do. Days I just cryed. All that is in the pass now I look forword to the future been nick free just like you will be.

Mary 10 months

Thanks Mary!  Yes, I cried a few times yesterday.  I guess I'm healing.  This is the HARDEST thing I've ever done, but I know it will be worth it.  I love my quit this time.  I NEVER want to let it go.  Now, to deal with life...that's a whole new ball game!  Thanks for the reminder to breathe - I forget sometimes.  Deep breath....