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Alexandra's Quit Story   Quit Stories and Journals

Started 9/23/15 by alEXsmoker (afrancis333); 31915 views.
alexisfree

From: alexisfree

Sep-25

Thanks Mary!  Yes, I cried a few times yesterday.  I guess I'm healing.  This is the HARDEST thing I've ever done, but I know it will be worth it.  I love my quit this time.  I NEVER want to let it go.  Now, to deal with life...that's a whole new ball game!  Thanks for the reminder to breathe - I forget sometimes.  Deep breath....

4quitness

From: 4quitness

Sep-25

Hey Kiddo,

Sorry I've been out of the loop. 11 weeks today, and this past weekend started like I was at 3 weeks again. Irritability, impatience, cravings, you name it! I changed my name(duh) to try to change my attitude. I feel like maybe I'm starting that last icky 3 early. I am SO proud of you. You are doing amazing! I knew you would of course. You always figure out your problems. Anyway, I still love ya' girl, so hang tight and I'll be around.

Michele

Killed the beast 7/9/19

l1717mary

From: l1717mary

Sep-25

Hi Michele

Look at you 11 weeks you go girl keep going I know that I used to say to myself just get to 12 weeks and it will get better then I learned to just stay in the moment and day we will get there.

Mary 10 months

In reply toRe: msg 279
alexisfree

From: alexisfree

Oct-4

Okay, time to post.  I've been kind of "self-willing" it lately.  I started to feel freedom from the addiction so I haven't been as diligent about posting here like I should (you know, to maintain my balance).  Last night was ROUGH.  Baby girl couldn't nurse because she was stuffy (first day of day care on Tuesday and she already has the sniffles cry).  So I used the bulb syringe on her nose to suction out the mucus and she was so mad.  That was at midnight.  Then, my 4 yo woke up and we read stories for a while.  So, I finally get the older one down and the younger one was still fussy.  So I drove her around for a while - she finally went back to sleep around 2:30 AM.  When I woke her up at 6:30 AM she was so mad - she did NOT want to get up and get dressed this morning for baby school - she wasn't having any part of it.  THEN when I got to the day care the lead teacher was just so standoffish - she's been like this since Tuesday - I guess maybe she's just in her "zone" of working with the other babies, but when we were at our other school, the teachers let me hand my baby to them; this lady doesn't do that.  And since my baby was fussy this morning, she really needed to be held - I didn't want to just put her on the floor!  I think I'm just grumpy because of lack of sleep, but I'm over protective of my little ones and I don't want anyone mistreating them.  Although, lack of eye contact with me in the morning doesn't really constitute mistreatment of my child - I'm just very emotional I suppose.  In addition to all the little "pings" from yesterday ("pings" are my brain thinking she wants to smoke, but she's stupid and not allowed to tell me what to do anymore) - WHICH I successfully combated - AND the girls needing so much of my attention...I guess I'm just worn out.  I took a hot shower this morning and said several prayers before I got my day started.  I think that is the only reason why I've made it so far today - and its only 8:47 AM!  LOL!!  I think, also, because I'm trying to combat my weight gain too (joined Weight Watchers again) - I'm just overwhelmed.  Plus my boss is out sick (she's been out all week - it's not good - so we've been praying for her) - so its hard to get direction when you have no one directing you - however, I think I've been doing pretty well taking the initiative this week - all things given.  Maybe I just need to sleep in tomorrow morning and give myself a break.  I still have another client I work with on the weekends, but maybe I can do that when the girls go down for a nap tomorrow...hmmmm...we'll see.  Okay, that is all, I just really needed to vent I guess.  grimacing

You are such a busy mom. I always wondered why the best memories of my life were when my children were babies and little cuties. It is hard work and tiring but enjoy each and every day with them as they grow up quick and then you are left with your memories. Just like quitting smoking it is hard being a parent in the beginning but with practice we become great parents and with time we become great quitters. Develop that quit mindset and sail all the way to the clubhouse. Grab sleep whenever you can you great nonsmoking great mom.

"Quitting isn't for Sissies!" I quit poisoning myself Sept. 27, 2013

4quitness

From: 4quitness

Oct-4

Bless your heart 50 times over. It is so hard being a working mom. Being a mom period is a challenge, but you having to deal with a job, being a mom, and also a wife is really a very full plate. Not smoking through all of this......you are a freaking mega beast! I hated using daycare, and my first child was sick ALL the time. Thank God we were finally able to do well enough for me to be a stay at home mom. I will definitely keep you in my prayers as you continue on your journey. I won't use the word 'struggle', as I  think it sounds too negative for you. 

Always in my heart and on my mind,

Mama Michele  :)

alexisfree

From: alexisfree

Oct-4

4quitness said:

you are a freaking mega beast!

LOL!  Thanks Mama Michele!  To God be the Glory!!

Brenda (1sept19)

From: Brenda (1sept19)

Oct-4

alexisfree said:

, I just really needed to vent I guess.  

That's what this space and place is for, Alex.  Vent away.  Your plate does sound very full right now, so hope you can get a peaceful and quiet weekend.  You are rocking your quit though and you smell fantastic.  blush

In reply toRe: msg 282
alexisfree

From: alexisfree

Oct-14

Going thru the motions again.  I think self pity is my favorite character flaw with which to play...

"I didn't get enough sleep.  Woe is me!"  You know what Alex, CHILLAX!  LOTS of people don't get enough rest.  What about all the single moms out there?  Chin up butter cup!  Maybe get the girls and go for a walk when you guys get home and then try to get to bed early.  That will be nice.  With a cup of hot tea.  All is well...just need to take it one day at a time.  We're almost to bed time.  I love sleep so much.  I wish I could sleep from now until when I get my key and join the clubhouse.  I also have anxiety that I'm not doing my second job correctly.  So, that sucks.  Sigh...just not a good day I guess.  Moving forward...just have to finish up today at work (20 more mins) and then I can go get my girls.  I hope they had a good day.  Thank you Lord for this day, for this is the day the Lord has made and I will be glad in it and rejoice.  Amen.  Whew...okay...here we go...smirk_cat

  • Edited October 14, 2019 4:42 pm  by  alexisfree
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